"What's Senator Feingold up to?" President Bush asked Condoleezza Rice.

"He asking the Senate to censure you."

"Oh no!" Bush exclaimed as he covered his groin.

Condi rolled her eyes. "Do you know what 'censure' means?"

Bush was silent for a moment. "Well, do you?"

"What censure means is that the Senate will publicly berate you." Bush stared at Condi blankly. "Say you are bad, that is," Condi added.

"What I do bad?" Bush asked. "Did I say 'nuclear' wrong again?"

"You always say it wrong, but the censure is because Feingold says your wiretapping of Al Qaeda suspects is illegal."

Bush snapped a pencil in anger. "He's illegal! Who elects these whiny losers that are the Democrats anyway? I can't imagine any self-respecting man voting for these eunuchs who worry so much about the poor terrorists getting wire-tapped. The men who vote for them must be gay... and I mean really really gay." Bush perked up for a second. "Hey, maybe we could use that as a campaign slogan this year!"

Condi sighed. "Why don't you run it by Karl Rove."

"I need to go to the Senate and stop this," Bush said and started to head out of the White House. He then stopped. "Where does the Senate meet again?"

"The Capitol Building."

"Is that the tall pointy one?"

"That's the Washington Monument."

"Uh... the one with the giant stone man?"

"That's the Lincoln Memorial."

"Then is it the flat, watery one?"

"That's the reflection pool between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial."

Bush thought for a moment. "It's not the place with the dinosaur bones is it, because those big zombie lizards scare me?"

"You want the big building with the dome, Mr. President."

"Thanks, Condi!" Bush said as he began to leave again. "To the big building with the dome!"

* * * *

"I want you to stop this censuring!" Bush demanded to Senator Frist.

"It doesn't have a chance of passing," Frist said. "I'm trying to force a vote on it to embarrass the Democrats, but they're not letting me."

Bush slapped Frist. "That doesn't sound like someone with Presidential ambitions to me. If you want it, make it happen!"

Frist thought for a moment. "There is one thing I can do..."

Frist marched over to Senator Reid. "I demand a vote on the censure."

"Well, we all need more time to read the language and..."

"You will vote now!" Frist shouted. "I invoke the ancient Senatorial right of Kal-if-tor!"

Reid stood up straight. "You do not dare!"

"I dare!" Frist produced two curved blades and tossed one to Reid. "Whoever’s blood is spilt first, must cede!"

"So be it, fool! Aiaiaiaiai!" Reid shrieked as he charged Frist, swinging his weapon wildly. The blades clashed and sparks flew. They continued clashing for a couple minutes, destroying desks with missed swings as the rest of the Senate chanted, "Kal-if-tor! Kal-if-tor! Kal-if-tor!" Finally, Frist connected with a devastating slice, and Reid fell to the ground, blood spraying everywhere.

"Your power and your vote are mine!" Frist spat down at Reid. He then raised his blade in victory. "The vote on censure will commence!"

"But I need more time to..." Senator Feingold started to say, but was silenced when Frist punched him in the face.

"Quiet! Kal-if-tor says we vote now!"

"If we vote for censure, we could look bad on national security," the Democrats whispered among themselves.

Soon, the vote was over. "One votes yea; ninety-nine vote nay," Frist announced, "Censure is defeated!"

"I demand vengeance!" Bush shouted, pointing at Feingold. "He is a dingus, and he must pay for his dingussery!"

"Then I propose that Feingold will be beaten with sticks for the high crime of being a dingus," Frist told the Senate. He then raised his blade in the air again. "We vote now!"

"If we don't vote to have Feingold beaten with sticks, we could look bad on national security," the Democrats whispered among themselves.

Soon, the vote was over. "Ninety-nine vote yea; one votes nay," Frist announced, "Feingold will be beaten with sticks!"

The Senators all grabbed their beating sticks and descended upon the shrieking and crying Feingold and began to pummel him. Bush found a table leg and tried to join, but Frist stopped him. "Haven't you read the Constitution?" Frist asked.

"I tried once, but it was boring."

"Only Senators may join in a Senatorial stick beating. You are allowed to stand back and cheer us on, though."

"Okay." Bush started jumping and yelling, "Kill! Kill! Kill!" He then paused for a moment. "I wonder why my poll numbers aren't higher? I sure like me!"

• Currently 4.30/5
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• 6
• 7
• 8
• 9
• 10

Rating: 4.3/5 (5 votes cast)

Best of IMAO 2006
~In My World
Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | Stumble It!