Previously on 24, I swore I'd be through with the show if Tony's dead for real. Mikey died saving the Goondocks. President Logan was a wuss. DHS decided to take over CTU and fire everyone, which will happen in this episode or something. I don't care anymore.

Tonight, graphic violence. Unfortunately, this season, that tends to mean that one of our favorite characters gets offed very unceremoniously. So boo to graphic violence. I no longer heart the graphic violence warning.

So. 8 p.m. Tony's dead for real. I'm sooo done with this show. Done for good.

Not going to watch it.

Nor blog it.

Can't. Stop. Bad. Addiction. Hate. Surnow. Angry. SarahK. Must. Stop...

Can't stop. Blame it on husband, he won't let me. And fingers, they just keep typing.

Anyway, Curtis is prepping the tactical teams, and Jack's pretending the horrible writers on this show didn't kill Tony.

Marty is trying to convince President Estrogen that the Veep is calculating to steal the nomination from Estro by suggesting this curfew thing. And that martial law and curfew would kill Logan politically. Estro is not listening, because he's a moron.

The new guy from DHS says hi to Chloe. She says, "Who are you?" "DHS." "I asked your name, not who you work for." Now he is telling Chloe that Edgar's dead, and he'll just use Deadgar's station. He asks for Chloe's keycard, and she says, "No! You can't have my keycard! That's what got this whole dead thing started, missing keycards! You're an idiot!" She has to give up the keycard anyway. I'll bet Chloe's the next to get killed, followed by Aaron, then Curtis. Might as well kill Jack while they're at it, too. But who gets to live while Palmer, Michelle, Tony, and Deadgar are dead? Audrey. Yeah, there's some justice.

Wayne Palmer calls Aaron and tells him that he has info for Aaron from David Palmer. "But dude, he's on another show now, how can he give me info? And there's a curfew!" Wayne says, "But yo, I left before the curfew, so it's ok that I'm out so late. Plus, my mom knows where I am. She says it's ok."

The half-neckid girl who looks like a man (Colette?) is putting on very uncomfortable boots that you know she's gonna break an ankle running in. I hope she breaks her face too.

Bill confronts the DHS lady (who also looks like a man) and tells her she's a liar and he knows she's there to shut down CTU and fire all his people. She says, "Yeah, but can you like, not tell anyone? Because that would really make people hostile. Especially that Chloe chick, I'm sure she's never hostile, but her psych profile says she could get there quick." And Bill says, "Why don't you go ask her to have chamomile tea? I'm sure she'd like that. Y'all can talk about Deadgar and Chloe's love for Jack."

Curtis and Jack and the tac team are at the half-neckid-man-girl's apartment. Her boyfriend freaks out and points a gun at Curtis. Turns out he's German intelligence and has been working on man-girl for info. She doesn't give that info to her booty call. Booty-Call's not going to give up his thing with Man-Girl, because she's connected to lots of terrorist cells and he really needs to track her and stuff. Jack ends up taking Booty-Call with him and offers to trade Colette in exchange for the U.S.'s wet list (if that's the real name of the list of terror suspects, whoever thought that up should be severely reprimanded).

Man-girl is meeting with He Who Killed Tony, Robocop.

Jack calls Chloe for the wet list, and she throws coffee on the guy working in Deadgar's spot so she can use his system to get the info. Jack gives the list to Booty-Call but asks for it it back until they can get Man-Girl into custody.

Jack and Booty-Call have a nice chat about dating women in the field.

DHS PowerHungryChick is furious that Chloe gave Jack the wet list. It must be super-wet, because everyone is Freaked Out!! DHSPHC calls Jack and says, "No you can't do it!" and Jack says, "Got's ta look out for my peeps in L.A. right now!" "But you'll jeopardize years of work and risk our agents! I'll tell on you and yell at you and kill you!" "Yeah, yeah, I'm already dead!"

So they bust Man-Girl, and when Booty-Call gets down the road with the wet list, it turns out that the wetness of the list fries the Sprint Treo when Booty-Call puts the card in. So Jack was smarter than DHSPHC gave him credit for.

BTW, Sean Callery this episode - fantastic job. I'm totally vibing with the music.

Interesting, Wayne got through the roadblock to the presidential compound, but apparently so did some super-bad guys who just flipped his car off the road and are trying to kill him. They work for... the Veep, maybe? Mike Novick?

So DHSPHC (whose name I am changing to Mr. F) says to Jack: "This immunity for Man-Girl, I don't like it!" Jack: "I don't like you!" So then when Jack tells Mr. F that he set the chip to self-destruct, she's like, "What? Durrr, like, why didn't you say so before? Durrrr." Jack says, "Well, Mr. F, I was in the car with Booty-Call, and I figured that wasn't info that I wanted to give him."

So Mr. F says ok on the immunity and gets Mike Novick to sign off on it, and Man-Girl tells Jack that her source on the schematic was someone at DOD named Audrey Raines. !!! So... WOMAN SCORNED! Did I mention the woman scorned thing before? And if this is true, it means I'm totally right about Chloe getting offed this season. It'll come down between saving Chloe and getting info from Audrey, and Jack will have to sacrifice Chloe. You watch. And if I'm wrong, well, the writers killed Tony (allegedly - I mean, really, why keep him around in a deep sleep for so many episodes just so he can get offed when he wakes up? That's just stupid.)

Next week on 24, they look for Robocop some more, there are canisters, Jack threatens Man-Girl that if she's lying he's gonna make this the worst day of her life. Jack's gonna call William Devane up and ask, "Hey, what'd you do to your kids when you raised them? Why'd they both turn out to be stupid and in bed with terrorists?" Robocop is going to ask if Wayne is dead yet, and they make it look like Aaron's searching for Wayne to kill him, and Wayne's got him under the gun, but really it'll all just be a big misunderstanding. And when Jack throws Audrey up against the wall and starts strangling her, Audrey will say, "Jack... We need to talk about our relationship... If you'd just talked to me about our relationship when you were dead, I wouldn't have done anything like this. But you told Chloe and not me, and I'm telling my dad if you hit me!"

Actually, it'll probably be a big copout fakeout. Someone else is using Audrey's name, blah blah blah. Who cares, anyway? Everyone else is dead, and Audrey lives. That's the true crime.

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Rating: 1.8/5 (2 votes cast)

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