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March 29, 2006
Protest Rallies - Opportunity for Inclusiveness
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment) A recent DC anti-war protest turned out some disappointing numbers for the screeching loony left, and I can't help thinking that they could REALLY improve their attendance figures if they made the events just a LITTLE more red-stater friendly. After all, liberals ARE about being open-minded & non-judgmental, right? Since I consider myself a fairly typical warmongering, right-wing, gun nut, here's what they could do to get ME to show up to one of their little kook-keggers: * More SUV parking * More crazy naked PETA chicks [PG13]! * I'd really enjoy a Dick Cheney hunter safety course, because every time I try to shoot a lawyer, I end up hitting a quail in the face. * Sell "Ann Coulter Gone Wild!" DVD's * Schedule the protest on a weekend so that the gainfully employed can attend. * Ergonomic comfort-gel Sof-Grip protest sign-handles ("Just say 'NO' to splinters!") * Free John Kerry silhouette shooting targets ("10 points for the important-looking hair!") * Free Korans - I've got a wobbly table with a short leg at home. * Free shampoo - which I'll gladly provide myself if they promise to use it. Seriously - who's the lunatic who told white people they could wear dreadlocks? * Free Palestine - I always see booths offering it, but when I get there, they never have any. I wonder if it's like funnel cake? Actually, I'd gladly attend one of those things - and even wave around a "No Blood For Oil!" sign - if they'd just do one simple thing: * Ban braless grandmothers. Anyway, what would get YOU to go to a anti-war protest rally? 22 Responses To "Protest Rallies - Opportunity for Inclusiveness"
Cash & lots of it. Plus the banning of the bra-less grannies. shudder #1 - Posted by: Vox Poplar on March 29, 2006 09:19 PMWhat would bring me out to one of these protests would be a little common sense. But if any of the protestors had that, they wouldn't be protesting the war. #2 - Posted by: Remulak MoxArgon on March 29, 2006 09:21 PMI'd attend if I could attend in the role of the riot police. Maybe we could all attend as riot police and beat some sense into these people. #3 - Posted by: ccplanner on March 29, 2006 09:35 PMDidnt a protester somewhere light themselves on fire once? Having a war that I was against would be a starter. I might have protested the war in Bosnia. The only problem I have with this war was they are afraid to take the gloves off and fight a war. Here is my slogan for my protest sign - WAR is hell, if done right. #5 - Posted by: Dan M on March 29, 2006 10:18 PMif they had "anything goes" wrestling between a liberal & a conservative.....which would be a joke, as the conservative would doubtless bring his gun. #6 - Posted by: dplspeedy on March 29, 2006 10:18 PMDude, I think you got smoked this week by both of us at Justin's Random Thoughts and The Scratching Post. So much for home field advantage! :-) #7 - Posted by: K T Cat on March 29, 2006 10:27 PMHeh, I already posted mine in the comments over at the alliance site. #8 - Posted by: ssj2gunslinger on March 29, 2006 10:34 PMAn all vegetarian meal... provided that the vegetarian is grilled and served with some Memphis Style BBQ sauce. #10 - Posted by: Dean Swift on March 29, 2006 11:58 PMThe ONLY way I'd attened: If I could bring Chomps and a camera! I'd also attend if I knew that a flood or something like that was about to hit. Really, I'm glad that we can protest. However, these anti war types are clueless and probably hippies too... #11 - Posted by: Charlie Foxtrot on March 29, 2006 11:58 PMOne of my housemates back in college went pre-med. He said he wanted to find the gene for White-Rasta. #12 - Posted by: aaron on March 30, 2006 01:43 AMA kissing booth featuring Mother Goof getting kissed... with a brick. #13 - Posted by: AlanABQ on March 30, 2006 04:03 AMA kissing booth featuring Mother Goof getting kissed... with a brick. #14 - Posted by: AlanABQ on March 30, 2006 04:03 AMeither of two things ... open season on these loons, I would go if they had the "FREE LOVE" thing still going when I was young & stupid, like the MayDay thing in '70 (?) (disclaimer: no longer young. May still be stupid, but at least I'm a Reagan Conservative) #16 - Posted by: Horrabin on March 30, 2006 09:10 AMso have you seen the comercial for vault soda where the farmer builds the robot scarecrow w/ lasers and flame throwers? at the end he turns it on a bunch of hippies having a "love in" in his fields? you get that farmer to bring his robot hippie-killer to a rally, and i'll be there to watch... #17 - Posted by: shane on March 30, 2006 09:41 AMThat Vault commercial is probably my favorite thing on TV right now :-) #18 - Posted by: Harvey on March 30, 2006 09:51 AMA free Code Pink piranha dunking tank would be good. #19 - Posted by: Master Shake on March 30, 2006 12:04 PMA Klondike bar. #20 - Posted by: Carl on March 30, 2006 02:51 PMI would be more than happy to attend one of these rallies. But I have a few demands. *A grassy knoll "Schedule the protest on a weekend so that the gainfully employed can attend." LOL Post a comment
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