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April 05, 2006
Progress marches on, and occasionally stops to molest children
Okay, so this might look bad for the Bush Administration and the whole "tough on terrorism" kind of thing: A deputy press secretary for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security was charged with using a computer to seduce a child after authorities said he struck up sexual conversations with an undercover detective posing as a 14-year-old girl. But think of it for a minute. There's a bright side to all of this that people are overlooking. That computer that Brian Doyle used was most likely a garden-variety PC with an inexpensive broadband connection, available to people of nearly every income level these days. Let's go back for a moment, shall we? To get that equivalent level of child-seducing computing power back in the 50's, you had to have rooms and rooms of vacuum-tube systems arranged in thousands of cross-connected racks. And with all of the equipment failures and the lack of computing time available because of tight scheduling with other seemingly more important projects (ballistics tables, census statistics generation, billing record manipulation, etc.), the system rarely had the time to compile and compute those stacks of punchcards and switches set to seduce a child. Even if you did have the time for a calculation run to proposition and seduce a child, you still needed bandwidth to do that over. And before DARPA, cross-connection was expensive and unreliable. You're even assuming in all of this that your target child had access to a massive mainframe structure of their own to communicate back. Only the richest and most powerful kids out there had such things, and let's face it: who really wants to pull an Uncle Ernie on Richie Rich? In fact, the only advantage computing gave to the prospective child predator was that the catacomb-like arrangement of the mainframe itself was easy to get lost in and the tripping of relays could muffle the sound of a resisting child. So three cheers for Progress. Because whether it's simplifying doing your increasingly-complex tax returns or easing the hunting ritual of hideously disgusting perverts, man's command of the ever-advancing march of technology is to thank. (Well, that and parents who let computers and televisions act as unsupervised electronic babysitters. Not even Homeland Security can protect your family from that.) 22 Responses To "Progress marches on, and occasionally stops to molest children"
I don't know whether to be disturbed or laugh. Maybe I'll be both. #1 - Posted by: brandEn on April 5, 2006 11:01 AMYou are a sick man. Is there no low to which you will not stoop in the pursuit of "teh funny"? At least you're not blogging about American Idol. Well done! #2 - Posted by: motopolitico on April 5, 2006 11:04 AMDear Sir, I am writing to you to register my strong disapproval of the use of strong language in this publication. Many a time in my youth, I would peruse the magazines and newspapers as I lounged about, socializing with the hoi-polloi of my community. Moreover, although certainly we choose to be in mixed company with gentlemen and ladies ("Flappers", to use the parlance of our time), at no time did we ever forget our social etiquette. Even in the underground saloons and speakeasies of Prohibition, certain proprieties were maintained. Now all of that has changed, I fear, as you seem to feel free to publish the most scandalous commentary by any common two bit naer-do-well named Brian J. Doyle. In my time, I never thought I would see the day when the words of the devil would be so proudly published without ever the slightest hint of shame. ""He could get to court today and some lawyer may say 'no, you don't want to do that.' The bottom line is we don't know when he's coming back." Sir, need I remind you that there are children in your audience? Was this Great Republic of ours really better served by your blasphemy? Couldn't you have substituted the words "Fiddlesticks" or "Heaven's to Betsy", or "Oh, Henry" instead of words that only remind one of the sulfurous hereafter? Fire and Brimstone young man, Fire and Brimstone. That is what you should be considering. I fear the direction our Great Republic is going Sir. I fear it greatly. Yours truly, Colonel Hiram Horatio Cushenberry, 4th Dragoons Battalion, 127th Regiment, Retired #3 - Posted by: Col Cushenberry on April 5, 2006 11:07 AMOnly YOU Laurence...only you could take a story like this and make it humorous reading...excepting Trey and Matt from Southpark, they could do it too...with drawings...so maybe *NOT* only you, but only you HERE...oh nevermind... #4 - Posted by: shimauma on April 5, 2006 11:07 AMMy guess is, the only reason Al Gore invented the internet was to seduce young children. #5 - Posted by: Son of Bob on April 5, 2006 11:46 AMI can't help but wonder if that press secretary had been suducing a cat how would you feel? #6 - Posted by: Algo on April 5, 2006 11:47 AMAside from Rahel trying to get into Nardo's collar every time she sees him on the catcams, I think that's very unlikely. #7 - Posted by: Laurence Simon on April 5, 2006 11:52 AMWhat he has done is terrible...I went on over to the DU to see what they had to say it. Some moonbats are barking about how he's being set up by BushCo because Doyle was a whistleblower. Others are saying he's a republican based on financial contributions while he worked for HNTB...and just because he's a pedophile rethugican, all republicans are just like him http://www.opensecrets.org/indivs/search.asp?NumOfThou=0&txtName=Doyle%2C+Brian&txtState=%28all+states%29&txtZip=&txtEmploy=&txtCand=&txt2006=Y&txt2004=Y&txt2002=Y&Order=N Well since they weren't kind enough to provide a link to that campaign donation information, I looked it up. They're talking about a Brian P Doyle, not Brian J Doyle. The only other Brian Doyle I think that it could be would be the one living in DC who donated $2000 to Kerry. The moonbats are barking up the wrong tree again. #9 - Posted by: James on April 5, 2006 12:34 PMor a Brian S Doyle, rather #10 - Posted by: James on April 5, 2006 12:38 PMObviously perverts just have it too easy these days. They used to have to work at being perverts, now it takes little effort. #11 - Posted by: jonag on April 5, 2006 12:46 PMCouldn't they have busted Brian Doyle Murray instead? #12 - Posted by: BigOrangeAxe on April 5, 2006 12:53 PMI'd bet the majority of cyber-predators are liberals anyway. If they'd be OK with partial-birth abortions, they'd be OK with anything. #13 - Posted by: AlanABQ on April 5, 2006 01:17 PMAnd remember this guy was the number 4 guy in public relations #14 - Posted by: MDL on April 5, 2006 02:35 PMshimauma- And that's why they keep me, despite my being Jewish. #15 - Posted by: Laurence Simon on April 5, 2006 03:12 PMYou left out that we had to send our nudie pictures using the "Lite-Brite" compression algorithm. #16 - Posted by: Master Shake on April 5, 2006 05:22 PMI'm sorry am I the only one who feels that this a-hole needs to be castrated, and then set to Prison for some 300 pound hard core to love on for 30 yrs. White Knight, You are not the only one who feels this way. I personally feel these sickos deserve the death penalty (no matter who they are). Castration's just too nice for some folks. #18 - Posted by: jonag on April 5, 2006 10:33 PMThat's the reality of it in my mind, too. The notion that they only get jail time & "rehabilitation counseling" and maybe chemo-castration... it is one of the most ridiculous damn things I've ever heard. Seriously, how could they be set loose on society when we know that the majority of offenders are recidivists? #19 - Posted by: AlanABQ on April 6, 2006 03:01 AMI had no idea Brian Doyle-Murray was even working for the government. We should all band together immediately in an IMAO-sponsored boycott of Caddyshack. #20 - Posted by: Son of Bob on April 6, 2006 12:45 PMSad sad.Child molestation is never funny.I will put up with a lot,but I'll put a bullet between their eyes in a heartbeat for ruining the lives of the most innocent of our society.Forget jail time,forget any kind of castration.Kill em....kill em all.I dont care who they are. #21 - Posted by: spazzmomma on April 6, 2006 08:12 PMSpazzmomma, In addition to pedophiles, you're gonna have to exterminate the teachers that are spoiling the innocent with leftist, communist agitprop. Not that I'm defending the pedophiles. I more for the addition of shooting Lib teachers that mindrape our kids. #22 - Posted by: DesertElephant on April 12, 2006 01:10 PMPost a comment
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