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April 11, 2006
Time to Put the Rumors to Rest
NASA has announced a plan to crash a probe into the moon with a collision so violent it should be visible from earth. I don't want people misinterpreting the purpose of this mission. I know many you think that, just because I'm a paid consultant to both NASA and the DOD for this project that was authorized by the President and is being overlooked by the Secretary of Defense, think that this mission is a precursor to "nuking the moon." That idea is so insane, it's crazy. The mission, as stated, is to simply find water. "Why is a huge collision needed to find water?" you may ask. Well, when looking for water, you want to give it a 110%. That means a huge explosion. And why do we need moon water? Yes, it may seem like we have plenty of water here on earth since two-thirds of the planet is covered in it, but the present consumption of bottled water is not going to meet up with supply. And where can we get more water? Mars? Mars is too far away. We need moon water. So, this NASA mission is all about water on the moon, so put all your ideas about nuking the moon to rest. That idea is so crazy, it's insane. Now, completely off-topic, if I were in charge of the design of a nuclear payload to crash into the natural satellite of some planet, what do you think should be written on it in big letters? I was going to go with "Eat this, moon hippies!" but I'd like to have some alternates for my upcoming presentation. 21 Responses To "Time to Put the Rumors to Rest"
"FIRST" #1 - Posted by: Brian The Adequate on April 11, 2006 09:22 AMI think they're actually planning to land it, but just in case something goes wrong they can say, "see, we meant to do that!" #2 - Posted by: scooby on April 11, 2006 09:32 AM"How's my aim? Call 1-800-NUKE-TERRORISM" "Take THIS to your leaders!" "YOUR NAME ON THIS ITEM FREE! Just annoy the hell out of the US." "72 Virgins Express - Ask US Army For Information" #4 - Posted by: Francesco Poli on April 11, 2006 10:34 AMFinally the moon is getting Nuked. cheers! #5 - Posted by: Mike on April 11, 2006 10:34 AMWell Frank, according to some, the USAF has been considering nuking the moon for a very long time USAF Plans to nuke the Moon All I can say is that those moon-people had it coming. How do they expect us to react when they abduct law abiding Americans for unwarranted "probing"? #6 - Posted by: Paul on April 11, 2006 11:04 AMWe come in peace, unless you're terrorists and then we're hear to smack you down. Don't write anything on the moon. Draw something. An impact crater in the right place just might make the man in the moon look like Mohammed. That would be the ultimate Mohammed cartoon, and one they would see EVERY NIGHT FOREVER.... Heck, you could tell them it was already done: Haven't they seen the face in the moon? Ranger and Surveyor did it already. #8 - Posted by: Dagny on April 11, 2006 12:39 PM"Hey, Mohammed! This is for your moon 'god' and we have plenty left for you!" #9 - Posted by: Master Shake on April 11, 2006 12:44 PMFrankJ's original "Nuke the Moon" essay has recently received much approving notice at, um, either "Little Green Footballs" or "Real Clear Politics," one of those fine conservative websites that usually don't bring the funny. #10 - Posted by: eric90230 on April 11, 2006 01:43 PMThis reminds me of an episode of the (hilarious) cartoon, "The Tick". One bad guy, Chairface Chippendale, was going to burn his name into the surface of the moon with a laser. Tick, Arthur, et al. stopped him, and in every episode after that, you could see the letters "CHA" anytime they showed the moon. #11 - Posted by: BigOrangeAxe on April 11, 2006 02:09 PMHow long before Ted Kennedy starts referring to this as an illegal pre-emptive strike, and claiming that our attack has brought the moon to the point of a potential civil war? #12 - Posted by: Son of Bob on April 11, 2006 03:05 PMWell hey, crashing a vehicle helped Teddy find water. So may we're just following his example. #13 - Posted by: Purge on April 11, 2006 03:13 PM>> How long before Ted Kennedy starts referring to this as an illegal pre-emptive strike, and claiming that our attack has brought the moon to the point of a potential civil war? And it's probably the wrong moon at the wrong time. International law is fuzzy enough, now we have to consult inter-planetary law? #14 - Posted by: eric90230 on April 11, 2006 03:29 PMyes #15 - Posted by: joe on April 11, 2006 05:01 PMMaybe NASA wants to sell bottled "Moon Water". The SFians would buy it. #16 - Posted by: madhun on April 11, 2006 08:35 PMSuggestons for bomb labels: "How's my bombing? Call 1-800-BITE-ME" "Warning: Do not eat contents." "THIS END UP" "If you can read this, you're about to die." Or you could just add paper mache arms and legs and paint it to look like: Moonbat guidance-system removal mission. About time. #18 - Posted by: solilsolate on April 12, 2006 01:09 PMActually, there have already been some big rockets crashed into the Moon. The third stage of the Saturn V's that launched Apollos 13, 14, 15, 16, and 17 were deliberately crashed for seismic studies of the Moon's core. The S-IVB weighed 253,000 pounds, so it was a pretty good hammer blow. #19 - Posted by: Andrew on April 12, 2006 08:15 PMMaybe they could paint AlGore's face on it with the caption; Greetings, I'm AlGore and I invented the internet and NASA and I want to be your Supreme High Commander or if all else fails a member of the Supremes. #21 - Posted by: seanmahair on April 13, 2006 05:49 PMPost a comment
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