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April 23, 2006
UC Santa Cruz "Comfort Brigade" Recruiters Welcomed on Campus
(CAUTION: Due to mature themes, reader discretion is advised) Although Michelle Malkin (whose right to be both a woman and a minority I fully support) has done an excellent job covering the UC Santa Cruz protests against on-campus Army recruiters, she missed the story on the sidelines. Concerned that soldiers in Iraq might not be getting sufficient "female companionship" from the local burkha-babes, a number of young, enthusiastic, and horizontally-accessible co-eds were on hand to recruit new members for the Army's "Comfort Brigade". [click to enlarge any picture] "A lot of organizations exist that will forward care packages to soldiers in need", said Senior Amanda Huginkiss, "but we know darn well that those brave men on the front lines have other, more urgent needs as well, and we won't get off our backs until those needs are met."
Although many apply, not all are chosen. Only the most nubile and flexible of the volunteers will pass the rigorous screenings.
The recruitment drive provoked its own protests, though. Mostly ugly guys with hygiene issues who realized with dawning horror what the loss of the campus's loosest women would mean to them.
Idiots like this were largely ignored, however, as most people preferred to ogle the Comfort Brigade Veteran's Parade.
Best of all, the Comfort Brigade's activities completely erased the efforts of the UCSC radical anti-war nuts by actually causing an increase in on-campus recruiting.
But with all the hype and breathless promises flying around during the Comfort Brigade's recruitment drive, the discerning reader will still pause to ask the most important question of all: Can the Comfort Brigade really bring all the spine-tingling satisfaction that our soldiers so desperately need? Well...
Just ask #1535. 35 Responses To "UC Santa Cruz "Comfort Brigade" Recruiters Welcomed on Campus"
Well done, Harvey. On a more serious note, my state income taxes are subsidizing this crap. #1 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on April 23, 2006 08:02 PMYou do not have permission to use these photos. Remove all the photos now, please. There will not be another warning. #2 - Posted by: UCSC-SAW on April 23, 2006 08:12 PM"Well I think they should attack things, like that - with satire." /Monty Python's Flying Circus #3 - Posted by: Master Shake on April 23, 2006 08:18 PMIt still amazes me that a place of learning is so full of idiots. Well done. Way to give these dorks their come uppins! #4 - Posted by: ChrisA on April 23, 2006 09:10 PMMan, that second pic would make one hell of a t-shirt. But what about the marines. Do they get #1536? :-D #5 - Posted by: tommy on April 23, 2006 09:20 PMAs secret Secretary of the Defense, I hereby authorize all militias to open fire on these crowds. #6 - Posted by: Andrew on April 23, 2006 09:32 PMOMG, sprayed my keyboard. Hilarious, Harvey. #7 - Posted by: Sandan on April 23, 2006 09:59 PMYour post needs to be linked on any and all UCSC websites! Give 'em apoplexy. #8 - Posted by: Sandan on April 23, 2006 10:00 PMFabulous. I'd join the comfort brigade. #9 - Posted by: bookwurm322 on April 23, 2006 10:31 PMI think the IMAO store should carry the second picture's shirt. #11 - Posted by: bookwurm322 on April 23, 2006 10:46 PM"Hippies...I've hated them all my life...they want to save the world...but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad!" -Eric Cartman I'm sure all these folks care so much about the world that they are all going to join the peace corps(yeah, right!). Great satire, Harvey!
Re: First pic. No thank you. I prefer women without facial hair. #13 - Posted by: MegaTroopX on April 24, 2006 12:40 AMThere will not be another warning. Did fair use expire or something? #14 - Posted by: spacemonkey on April 24, 2006 12:58 AMThat was friggin' awesome, Harvey. Relating the UCSC sellouts to hookers was a natural progression, except hookers might be cleaner. #15 - Posted by: AlanABQ on April 24, 2006 03:15 AMTechnically they're not hookers, since they're giving it away. More like charity workers. #16 - Posted by: Harvey on April 24, 2006 07:46 AMmonkey, LOL!! Sorry, just speechless with mirth here! Well Done. I gotta wonder if the UCSC Saw warning was just a spoof as well, cause you know they WOULD be dufus-y enough to post such a statement. Free Speech, kiddo's; learn to live with the consequences of your choices. #18 - Posted by: shimauma on April 24, 2006 08:39 AMSome'Piece Rally'! #19 - Posted by: Writer on April 24, 2006 10:09 AMI needed a good laugh for a Monday morning. Either the "warning" post is a spoof or IMAO is so notorious that UCSC Saw had someone camping on your website waiting for this post. If that is the case, you get bonus points. #20 - Posted by: Cotillion on April 24, 2006 10:33 AMAny fans here of the defunct series "Angel"? Ever since this Santa Cruz thing started I've been thinking of the comment made by a character after a one-time encounter at Wolfram & Hart's Halloween party: "It's not as if this is the first time I've had sex under mystical influence. I went to UC Santa Cruz!" #21 - Posted by: Debby on April 24, 2006 11:00 AM10 IMAO points to Debby for "most obscure reference to a Joss Whedon series" :-) Anyway, I *do* remember the episode, but not the specific line. Who said it? #22 - Posted by: Harvey on April 24, 2006 11:09 AMI noticed that there wouldn't be another warning, apparently there isn't going to be anything else either. Great Freakin' post Harvey! #23 - Posted by: fmragtops on April 24, 2006 11:20 AMSince I'm onto campaign slogans, here is another one: UCSC: your Saw blade is dull! (Ducking from more rotten tomatoes) Bwahh ha ha ha ha !!!! Now if we really had a "Comfort Brigade" of hot chicks (I agree with MegaTroopX, no facial hair), imagine what the recruitment goals would be like!! Every loser on campus would be saying "Dude, I am soooo going to joing the military!" Hilarious!!!! #25 - Posted by: Undecided on April 24, 2006 03:27 PMCouldn't we do better for our troops than these flop-rags from Meep Zork? #26 - Posted by: Son of Bob on April 24, 2006 05:46 PMAm I the only one whose computer isn't loading the pictures? #27 - Posted by: bookwurm322 on April 24, 2006 10:22 PMMy picture host is having some issues. Should be cleared up soon... #28 - Posted by: Harvey on April 24, 2006 10:34 PMThe pictures are hosted by the Comfort Brigade, who are too busy to "service" the picture server. May be "down" forever. I put the pictures on a different server. Are they showing up now? #30 - Posted by: Harvey on April 25, 2006 08:41 AMYep. Thanks Harvey #31 - Posted by: bookwurm322 on April 25, 2006 11:27 AM"You don't have permission" (for using nondescript pictures of people at a public university in a satirical piece?) I think UCSC-SAW needs the hot-lava enema of reality. Liberals I can deal with, but people who refuse to live within the bounds of our civil society make me very, very angry. #32 - Posted by: pete on April 25, 2006 02:05 PMI love it. When I saw it yesterday, the pictures weren't available. Heh. Harvey Rocks! #33 - Posted by: DesertElephant on April 25, 2006 05:13 PMIf you want guys to join the military, just get out more port stories from Navy guys. I've heard some stories... those guys are wild. #34 - Posted by: ChrisA on April 25, 2006 09:49 PMYa want sea stories? I got yer sea stories right here: http://beerbrains.mu.nu/archives/cat_harvs_pattaya_beach_pics.php #35 - Posted by: Harvey on April 25, 2006 11:03 PMPost a comment
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