Hi there. I'm your friend, Laurence Simon. And it's time for a Crappy Bedtime Story.

Today's story is... um... The Carnival of the Vanities, episode #188.

Ready?

Here we go!

POLITIX AND GOVMNT

The Liberal Wrong finds the perfect person to babysit the Democratic strategy of corruption in Congress. Which, is, of course a result of minimum wage laws. Because corrupt Congressmen can't afford to pay someone to watch their babies.

Jack Cluth thinks that the Democratic Party needs to wake up and smell the cat litter. After I scroll down a bit, but still... that's what he says. (I think Cynthia McKinney may be smoking the stuff.)

Silent in the Morning has a "We have met the enemy and he is us" moment. But he forgot about the bit where people bitch about the price of gas on talk radio while on their cell phones in their SUVs driving home from work, alone.

TMH Bacon Bits proves that Greens Hate Blacks. And... um... Red Sox Hate White Sox? Blues Hate Red Wings?

Part-Time Pundit posts an opening statement on the Gay Marriage Debate. Or, as I like to call it, Andrew Sullivan's sole reason for continuing to exist in the public spotlight.

TMH's Bacon Bits looks at what symbols The Left has been co-opting under false pretenses. What next? Cats?

Fearless Philosophy considers the difference between activists and lobbyists. Hey, what's wrong with "Kill them all and let God sort them out?"

TEH FUNY

Ike Turner on women's rights? Why, it's As Plain As The Nose On Your Face! (Michael Jackson need not read this. He should stick to "As Plain As The Noses In Your Drawer.")

The Skwib finds a winner at Tim Horton's. What? It's not a cardiologist?

Ahistoricality is obsessed with girls. Or grrls. Or girlz. Or... you get the idea.

Want to write a funny 100 Word Story about being five minutes late? Then take the Weekly Challenge!

What subject does Professor Quippy teach anyway? Is that anything like my pal Professor Frisky?

THE C WERD

Catymology founds a church. Based on cats. Yeah, that really worked for the Egyptians. (And people call ME nuts.)

UH

Baronger declares that today is Fire Day. Quick, someone throw a hose to tomorrow and start pumping water out of Water Day!

Multiple Mentality is in awe of Atlanta's airport design. And now you know why it's going on the new Monopoly board! Yay!

You have to go down to the bottom of this post by Western Resistance to see their answer to the genocide in Darfur. Someone send that to Manute Bol and see what he thinks.

BOOKZ

I'm a tad confused. Jack Yoest is saying that professors are reading books about strippers? I thought that Lacrosse teams were limited to student participation only.

Grrl Scientist reviews one of them science-book things. You had me with the hippo on the cover. I like hippos.

Heaven Tree reviews one of them composer-type books. Wow. What a cool wig. Where can I get one of those?

Grrl Scientist reviews "Club George." Dammit, Grrl. The first rule about Club George is that you do not talk about Club George. The second rule about Club George...

PEEPLE

Generic Confusion reports on "Do drugs, lose financial aid" measures. Um, did you look behind the couch?

Goosing the Antithesis wonders if it's okay to lie. I don't know, but what a great post. If there's any post to read in all of this Carnival, this is the one. In fact, I should stop typing right now...

It's time for another tale of life raising four boys. It seems a lot harder than raising four cats. (Especially when one is dead)

Canajun Finances ponders the need for Personal Coaches. You know, Spacemonkey is my own Personal Coach. And even though my random crying fits are less frequent, I do still tend to wet the bed.

Brian J. Noggle tells the tale of a 10 year-old who tossed bags of crack out of the window during a raid. As opposed to Brad Lidge, who tossed wild 97 MPH fastballs to load up the bases and serve up a grand slam on Monday night. Jerk!

Mythusmage creates a new world called Dragon Earth. Wow. And he didn't have to get hit on the head to create his own fantasy world. (Mine is named Sandwich Land. Mmmmmmmmmmm. Miracle Whip City!)

The Radical Libertarian recently served as a juror. Which is odd, since most Libertarians think themselves peer to no one, thus disqualifying them from jury duty.

JOOS

Watcher of Weasels looks at Foreign Minister Zahar's many mad statements and sees the one-state solution all over again. What's even worse is that the state is Idaho.

Blog d'Elisson has fond Passover memories. And Passover Present. And when the Ghost of Passover Future shows up, ask him the Lotto numbers.

MUZICK AND MOVEES

Rebbe Chaim considers the word "song." Here's an easier way: "Can you download it in iTunes?" Oh. Wait. That doesn't cover podcasts. Damn. No wonder why he's a rabbi.

Provoking The Muse reviews an old John Wayne movie. As opposed to a new John Wayne Movie. Of which there are none. Because Hollywood sucks these days.

MONY

Five Cent Nickel asks how much a million dollars weighs. I'd assume it weighs less than a million dollars in debt, which is a horrible burden for any one man.

Searchlight Crusade asks what's negotiable when it comes to a purchase. My guess is pants.

Law Professors Blog looks at Wal-Mart's offer to provide better healthcare and thinks more needs to be done. Just wait until they say that being allowed to start their own bank is part of the solution. Because bank... um... wait... how about Wal-Med? Wal-Mart hospitals?

Free Money Finance finds a great way to cut down on the cost of insurance: get healthy. Or, if you're a smoker, use those cigarettes with Vitamin C in them that Gizmodo featured the other day in between the USB-powered vibrators and the genetically-engineered fart clouds.

Don't Mess With Taxes tells the tale of mistakes that the IRS admitted to and made good over. But don't worry - Hillary wants that money back. You know, for evil purposes. And stuff.

Pacesetter Mortgage warns about the FHA Modernization Act. Because those antique FHA's were good enough for Grandma, so they're good enough for me. Who needs cheap, plastic FHA's, anyway?

MEDYUH

Stingray asks if the Natalee Holloway case is worth all the effort spent on it. Have you looked at Fox's ratings recently? And all those tourists not goint to Aruba are now going to some place in Egypt I can't quite rem- uh oh.

Shiloh Musings ponders a headline about suicide bombings and makes a few corrections. I once saw one that said "Jesus Returns Sweater" and couldn't quite figured out if it was about something new at Cafepress or a holy moment in the Customer Service aisle at Macy's.

Soccer Dad deconstructs a Washington Post article, somehow pleased that it's not as disconnected from reality as the New York Times. Um, that's like comparing the third and fifth circles of Hell, Soccer Dad. In the end, YOU'RE STILL IN HELL.

404, 405 WHATEVR IT TAKS

Blog Business World pimps the Carnival of the Capitalists. Gee, if it was okay to hijack Carnivals, I'd hijack this one with Carnival of the Cats. If only there were a funny carnival that another IMAO blogger ran. Oh well. Wouldn't it be Comedy if I were to forget to mention that carnival? Yup. Pure Comedy.

Radioactive Liberty sent me a permalink that wasn't any good, but it's fixed now. Click on it to discover the Mystery Within.

Career Intensity sent me a permalink that wasn't any good. But, of course, you can always buy the book for the low low price of...

Well, that's it for the Carnival of the Vanities this week.

Tune in next week when the Carnival moves off to... to... um... wait. The schedule doesn't have anyone listed. Er... wasn't it supposed to be Andrew Ian Dodge/a>?

Check The Carnival Home Page for updates.

This has been your friend, Laurence Simon.

NOW GO TO BED!

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