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April 26, 2006
Wrong Tony
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment) I was deeply disappointed to hear that Tony Snow got the job as White House Press Secretary. I can't believe that President Bush overlooked all the many other talented Tonys out there who would've made better picks: Tony Hawk - Need to dodge a tough question? Just jump the skateboard onto the podium and do a Figure 4 Calf Wrap Flamingo Pretzel Plant Brain Surgeon with a Mute Grab 900 into the press pit. Reporters will be too dazzled, distracted, and/or wounded to ask a follow-up. Fat Tony D'Amico - Didn't see nothin', and will have the offended reporter quietly piano-wired when no-one's looking. If questioned, will respond "What's a moider?" Tony Bennett - Political spin is always more convincing when sung to the tune of "Fly Me to the Moon". Tony Blair - "I'd love to answer that question, but it's tea time, so sod off! Dr. Phat Tony - Will brutally taser any MSM joker who steps out of line. Tony Dow - He probably wouldn't be good at dodging questions, but it'd be funny to hear the reporters start all their questions with "Gee, Wally..." Tony Randall - Tough question? He'll just fake a sinus attack. Tony the Tiger - Has an inarguable, two-word answer to any question regarding whether Bush's policies will be good for America. Tony Stewart - "I can't hear your stupid question over the sound of my engine!" Tony Danza - The only question he'll get is "Did you every 'Danza slap' Alyssa Milano?" It'd also be cool to have Anthony Hopkins eat the reporters' livers, but he's not technically a "Tony". Any Tonys I missed? 30 Responses To "Wrong Tony"
Tony Dorsett Toni Basil Toni Collette #1 - Posted by: Ron on April 26, 2006 10:10 PMTony Soprano #2 - Posted by: CT Sean on April 26, 2006 10:18 PMwhat about tony almeida??? CHOW - Nah, it's just that I think 24 sucks. (shhhh! Don't tell SarahK) #4 - Posted by: Harvey on April 26, 2006 11:35 PMHow about Tony Roma? #5 - Posted by: on April 27, 2006 12:59 AMHey. this guy ain't a'Tone-nee' but your gonna laugh like heck when you listen to his take on the 'terrorists' and as you watch this just imagine this guy as a press secretary to the MSM. p.s. this is his main page and the others are equally a scream: http://www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com/ #6 - Posted by: auspatriotman on April 27, 2006 01:12 AMI've come up with: Tony Curtis, Anthony (Tony) Quinn (Zorba), Tony LoBianco, Tony Orlando, Tony Shalhoub (Monk), or even Tony Montana (Scarface). Sorry, I got carried away. #7 - Posted by: Denise on April 27, 2006 05:41 AMI say this Tony, you know "journalists" are distracted by shiny objects. #8 - Posted by: Veeshir on April 27, 2006 06:14 AMTony Alameida, from 24. I refuse to admit that he's dead. #10 - Posted by: Crusader Coyote on April 27, 2006 07:16 AMDucky? Well, I suppose that - being Mexican - he can just start jabbering in Spanish if the press gets too annoying. #11 - Posted by: Harvey on April 27, 2006 07:38 AMI second the nomination for Tony "Scarface" Montana. Think about it, how cool would it be when Helen Thomas opens her decaying geriatric cake-hole once to often....Tony steps from behind the podium... "joo wanna play rough? Hokay....lets play rough.....SAY HELLO TO MY LEETLE FRIEND!" #12 - Posted by: Evil Midnight Poster what Posts At Midnight on April 27, 2006 08:46 AMI thought you were going to say Tony Almeida! #13 - Posted by: Michael Hutchison on April 27, 2006 10:36 AMWhy pick one Tony when you could have the popular singing group Tony Toni Tone? #14 - Posted by: Johnny Catbird on April 27, 2006 11:01 AMTony Robbins, self-help guru. I'd love to watch the press corpse faces as he gives his famous quotes: "Know that it's your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny." "A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided." Tony Eason - throws a football at any reporter who asks a question, but probably misses Toni Tennille - sings "Muskrat Love" in response to any question #16 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on April 27, 2006 12:15 PMTony Orlando. Just tie a yellow ribbon,
Should read the whole post before commenting. How about Antonio (how you say) Banderas? #20 - Posted by: Laurence Simon on April 27, 2006 12:21 PMTony Tony Bo-Bony Helen Thomas asks a question: "Helen, Helen, bo-Belen, banana fana fo-FELON..." Frank Schieffer asks a question: "Frank, Frank, bo-Bank, banana fana fo-FANK. . ." and so on and so forth. Frank #21 - Posted by: Marie on April 27, 2006 12:35 PMMy tiny baby's name is Tony. He could answer every question with "Wah wah wah..." I couldn't help noticing that Tony Snow had his colon removed. I guess that means he has no tolerance for bull$#!^? ;) #22 - Posted by: Wacky Hermit on April 27, 2006 02:04 PMGiven that Tony Bennett's quite well known as a liberal and a Democrat, I doubt Bush would have picked him (although it probably would be a good political move considering how much of a beloved icon in American culture he is) #23 - Posted by: blind boy grunt on April 27, 2006 02:30 PMTony Mottola. He's probably dead by now, but in the 50's and 60's he was THE TOP studio guitarist in the WORLD. #24 - Posted by: DanaMathewson on April 27, 2006 04:10 PMTony Mottola. He's probably dead by now, but in the 50's and 60's he was THE TOP studio guitarist in the WORLD. Yep. Tony died in 2004. If he were around, though, he could play a 13th chord with a flatted fifth in response to a question. http://www.classicjazzguitar.com/artists/artists_page.jsp?artist=45 #25 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on April 27, 2006 04:48 PMTony the Tiger would also have the benefit of offering free cereal. Reporters love free food, it would placate them at least for a little while. Plus they couldn't make statements errrrr, "ask questions" with their mouths full. #26 - Posted by: twalsh on April 27, 2006 10:13 PMToni Basil. Oh Harvey you're so fine. Tony Amendola, Bra'tac from Stargate SG-1. Zat the press! #29 - Posted by: MikeTheLibrarian on April 29, 2006 12:48 AMHow about Antonio Vivaldi? OK, so he died in 1741 or something, but why let a little detail like that stop us? Anyway, he was a priest (and was called the "Red Priest"), so maybe even some members of the White House Press Corps might show some respect! #30 - Posted by: Ron on April 29, 2006 04:23 PMPost a comment
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