Attempted murder for Bert and the Count, conspiring to commit murder for Ernie and Oscar.

Neither Bert/Ernie nor the Count were in imminent danger when they decided to try to kill their respective victims.

Ogmeister,
The coercion doesn't help Oscar in his defense? And did he even know a murder was planned?

Hmm. Well when they outlaw muppets, muppets will become outlaws.
CHOW

Ok, Oscar was a wuss, but if you could have seen the look on his face as Bert prepared to pull the trigger...

Hopefully, he meant conspiracy for Bert and Ernie, not Ernie and Oscar.

If they try to railroad Oscar for this, it's jury nullification time!

No puppets, no peace!

And I think Big Bird was the mastermind behind the whole plot.

"Bird flu", anyone?

Isn't it obvious? Bert and Ernie are white. (OK, so they're kinda peach-colored. Work with me here.) Oscar is obviously a homeless muppet who is just trying to survive in his trash can after Karl Rove burned his cardboard box. The Count is a supporter of equal rights for illegal vampire immigrants.

With these facts in mind, it's an open and shut case. Bert and Ernie (the quasi-white guys) are guilty of attempted murder, extortion, illegal possession of a handgun, coercion, and voting for Kellie Pickler. Meanwhile, Oscar was used as a puppet by big-oil loving, Bush-voting, Fox News-watching white guys, so he is innocent of any charges. The Count was granted free, full legal representation by any lawyer he wanted (paid for at taxpayer expense), and was acquitted after the jury saw the video of him on Oprah crying with Tom Cruise.

BigOrangeAxe, just add some use of foreign law to justify your decision and you're at the top of the Dems' list for the Supreme Court.

Bert's yellow and Ernie is orange...

That's one of the strangest definitions of "white" I've ever seen.

Crime against puppets? Obviously a job for Team America.

Well, they're both "crackers":

Bert (goldfish)
Ernie (Ritz)

Master Shake,

The Count has a forgen accent. Obviously, anything the Count did could be placed under a "Cultural" definition (He did it were he came from, so it's all right for him to do it in this country, no matter what our laws say). Now BigOrangeAxe can be first on Hitlery's list when she runs for president.

Bert's yellow and Ernie is orange...

That's one of the strangest definitions of "white" I've ever seen

They are indeed white, they simply spent too much time in the tanning booth (if you've seen the video for "Stupid Girls" by Pink, you'll understand). Oh, and did I mention they play lacrosse?

Well, they're both "crackers":

Bert (goldfish)
Ernie (Ritz)

Good one 'Shake!!

I think this was actually a trick question. Let me explain what I see here....
It initially looks as though Bert and Ernie could be charged with a hate crime, but....although Bert and Ernie appear to be white guys, they are obviously gay. In law terms, only STREIGHT white guys are capable of hate crimes. If you try to arrest Bert and Ernie, any self-respecting lawyer would charge you with being a homophobe.
On to Oscar. As BigOrangeAxe has already claimed, Oscar is homeless. In the eyes of the media, this makes him better than Bill Gates. This also means that he has no assets to plunder, so that leaves Oscar out of the picture. Anyone who would try to arrest oscar would be made out as one trampling the rights as a poor defenseless homless person.
That just leaves us with the Count. Wait. The count has a heavy forgen accent. Hmmn. That means he's most likely an illegal alien, which means he has more rights than an American citizen. Anyone who would try to arrest the Count would be branded a racist xenophobe.
In modern law school, there is only one true answer to this problem...book them all on Jerry Springer for a good cut. Not only do you make a good profit, but his episode will air directly on Al Jazir and give the Iranians even more reason to hate this country, and Hitlery a better chance at the whitehouse in '08.
Dang, Frank, you wern't kidding...modern law school isn't easy!!!!

That's what you get when you allow two childlike entities to consort with liberal human beings. This will never end well. Next thing you know Ernie and Bert will knock over a liquor store, steal a Hummer and crash it through the doors of Macy's to set all of the other unliving stuffed entities free.
Then what are the illegal aliens going to do when these toys take their jobs in New York city. Who ya gonna call? George the Looney Clooney, or even better the HIlda Beast, just don't leave her alone with Gorgeous George.

I am saddened to read that the Count has had a falling out with Bert and Ernie. Does anyone know what started it?