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May 30, 2006
Who Doesn't Love a Giant Flaming Wall?
I hear some private citizens are going to construct their own wall along the Mexican border in the style of the wall the Israelis built to keep crazies from trying to blown them up. I think this is a bad idea. If we have walls like the Israelis, then we'll be just like them, and I want to worship Jesus. I have a better idea. A wall of fire! It would be like one of those eternal flame memorials, except all along the Mexican border and the fire would shoot up 25 feet in the air. And think of the advantages of a wall of flame: * Can't be graffitied. Fire burns paint. * Can't be scaled. Fire is not only hot, it is not a solid. * It'll be really cool looking. Think of all the tourism to see the wall of fire. And it will be great to have barbecues next to. * Illegal immigrants are much more scared of fire than concrete. There are studies to prove this. This looks like an awesome idea. Considering the cost, we could build one along the Canadian border too. With all this focus on the Mexicans, let's not forget those devious canuks. Not even their armies of meese will be able to get past our flames. Just more outside of the box thinking from your friend Frank J. Hell, I lost my box years ago. 29 Responses To "Who Doesn't Love a Giant Flaming Wall?"
Oh, Gimme me more global warming! No thanks Frank my gas bill is high enough already. On second thought, it might be cheaper than the war in Iraq. #2 - Posted by: Neo-andertal on May 30, 2006 10:32 AMExcellent idea, Frank! You come up with the best shit ever! Not only would the wall be impossible to defeat, but it would drive the left crazy! We would have to fuel it with either oil or natural gas and it would also contribute to the demise of humanity (according to Albore!) Pelosi, Reid, Kennedy, etc. would collectively have their heads explode! #3 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on May 30, 2006 10:34 AMBurning wall of fire? Can't say I have much experience with those. I fell into a burning ring of fire, though. It burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire. Yes, the ring of fire. #4 - Posted by: Chris on May 30, 2006 10:39 AMPlus, on this side, the wall of fire would make a nifty "hippy disposal unit". #5 - Posted by: jimmyb on May 30, 2006 10:43 AMIt's been tried but people still get in. #6 - Posted by: Beelzebub on May 30, 2006 11:17 AMDoes fire attract monkeys? #7 - Posted by: Gunga on May 30, 2006 11:33 AMI don't think it attracts monkeys, but it does attract rhinoceroses. They'll be running over to it and stamping it out constantly... But I guess that would give the Minutemen something else to do, since they won't have to be looking for the illegals anymore... #8 - Posted by: Outback Jon on May 30, 2006 11:40 AMAs long as we can still have the alligators and mine field along with the flaming wall, I have no problem with it. #9 - Posted by: Master Shake on May 30, 2006 12:03 PMWhat a great idea! Let's test the feasibility first by putting one up between San Francisco and San Mateo County. #10 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on May 30, 2006 12:03 PMTo be good children of the earth (Al Gorians), we should use ethanol as fuel, made from corn from farmers who hire illegal aliens. #11 - Posted by: Bilbo on May 30, 2006 12:04 PMTo be good children of the earth (Al Gorians), we should use ethanol as fuel, made from corn from farmers who hire illegal aliens. #12 - Posted by: Bilbo on May 30, 2006 12:05 PMWow, I repeated myself. Wow, I repeated myself. #13 - Posted by: Bilbo on May 30, 2006 12:05 PMDon't lie, Frank J. Everyone knows you smashed your box to pieces while ravenously drooling right after being bitten by an Alaskan snow monkey. #14 - Posted by: blue square on May 30, 2006 12:16 PMShouldn't the wall of fire be surrounded on both sides by The Pit of Doom! #15 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on May 30, 2006 12:30 PMI think this would work. Would take care of the mosquito problem too. #16 - Posted by: spacemonkey on May 30, 2006 12:50 PM//Shouldn't the wall of fire be surrounded on both sides by The Pit of Doom!// Not to go too *off topic* but didja ever notice how adding "of DOOM!" as the description of some object makes it sound really ominous? Here let me show you... Nail Clippers...OF DOOM!! See, scary. I for one would be afraid to have a run in with THOSE nail clippers, let me tell you. Wall of Fire...OF DOOM!! bracketed on each side by a pit...OF DOOM!!! Learn to say that in Spanish and I'll bet you'll never see another illegal immigrant.
We know the wall will piss the hippies off. but can we take it a step further? like having all the fuel for the fire come from ANWR or whales or something like that? It needs that extra kick to make it really effective. Oh and snipers too. We need snipers on the border. #18 - Posted by: AussieCasper on May 30, 2006 01:49 PMWall of fire. Good for stopping illegals. Lousy for stopping terrorists. Back to the drawing board, FrankJ. #19 - Posted by: a4g on May 30, 2006 02:05 PMOk, first, the plural of rhinocerus is rhinoceri. Second, you can't surround something with a pit. A hole all the way around something is a mote. A hole the length of something is a ditch. Come on, people. It's the ditch... of DOOM! Another thing - "flaming wall" sounds like a line of gay men, and I don't see how that can possibly be of use to anyone. Plus it would gross out the Minutemen. I suppose we could nudge each other when we say "flaming," to maintain our conservative heterosexual street cred, but that might be gay, too. How about "Giant Burning Wall... of DOOM!" ... with some sort of collection/chute mechanism for hippie disposal. And a ditch... of DOOM! #20 - Posted by: Ogmeister on May 30, 2006 02:08 PMInstead of a single wall, I think that we should have a series of barriers like on MXC. After they manage to climb the super slippery slope, they slide into a mud-like goo that has an ethanol base. They they run to try and pick the one door that is paper and not solid. If they make it through the paper door, they slide through a ring of fire which would ignite the ethanol vapors. Any survivors would be shot by a sniper wearing a really cool *nuke the moon* t-shirt. #21 - Posted by: Moneyman on May 30, 2006 02:30 PMI am all for the flaming wall, as long as it is not a virtual flaming wall. Unless, of course, we get the fuel for the flaming wall from virtual oil rigs off the coast of Florida. The only other concern I have is how wide this wall of fire would be? If the Mexicans develop asbestos panchos and sombreros the whole all of fire could be circumvented. #22 - Posted by: captamerica on May 30, 2006 02:37 PMI'm thinking that if the Mexicans tunnel under said wall it can be circumvented as well. Hey, it would be really cool to throw some used tires onto that fire. Especially the one between San Francisco and San Mateo County. #23 - Posted by: Ron on May 30, 2006 03:29 PMIf you wanted to be ecologicaly sond, just harvest Red Ted and Michael Mooron...the fat and gas from those two alone would power a wall of flame for the next ten years. Thanks for the link a4g. Terrorists doing things trained circus animals do! Ooooh, I'm really scared! As for the flaming wall thing having gay connotations (Ogmeister), that could be good. The illegals would get too dehydrated, from laughing and vomiting at the same time, to cross the desert. BTW Wolfman Dan, I wouldn't want to be within a hundred miles when you put the tap into those two fat bastards, talk about DOOM! #25 - Posted by: mudshark on May 30, 2006 04:40 PM--"What a great idea! Let's test the feasibility first by putting one up between San Francisco and San Mateo County. Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on May 30, 2006 12:03 PM"-- I dunno, Jim. Seems like there's already enough "flaming" going on in SF as it is. Not to mention that burning sensation... Maybe the homosexuals there would get more respect if they started presenting themselves as gay men...OF DOOM! #26 - Posted by: AlanABQ on May 30, 2006 06:29 PMOk, first, the plural of rhinocerus is rhinoceri. Uh, no. The singular is spelled "rhinoceros", not "rhinocerus"; the penultimate letter is an 'o'. Its origin is Greek. Greek nouns whose singular ends in 'os' take 'oi' as a plural. So, if we were speaking Greek, the plural would be "rhinoceroi"; if we were writing Greek, of course, we'd need a different character set. Since we're speaking English, the plural is either "rhinoceros" or "rhinoceroses". http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=rhinoceros #27 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on May 30, 2006 07:37 PMAlanABQ, (And I'm not talking about that idiot that does the detergent additive tv commercials.) #28 - Posted by: Ricky on May 30, 2006 08:32 PMFor some reason, I'm picturing a bunch of Mexicans dressed like SuperDave flying over the wall after being flung from catapults and shot from canons. #29 - Posted by: ChrisA on May 30, 2006 11:47 PMPost a comment
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