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June 20, 2006
A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Part 4 - Getting Shot At
Posted by Frank J. at 01:10 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (7)

BEGINNING OF STORY

PREVIOUS (PART 3)

* * * *

Doug soon caught up with Lulu and Charlene and matched their pace as they ran for the battle-mech. "Uh... so what exactly are we doing?"

Charlene kept focused on the figures ahead. "I'm going to climb that mech and you two will cover me. I know where the emergency release for the cockpit is, so I should be able to take out the pilot. When the mech is under my control, just stay back."

Doug ran that over in his mind. "So just shoot at whoever is shooting at you, right?"

"That would be the definition of cover fire. I'm not going to be able to defend myself as I'm climbing the mech."

Keeping someone from getting shot seemed a bigger responsibility than Doug was ready for. He hoped Lulu had a better idea of what to do, but she was shaking and wide-eyed, looking ready to bolt any second. The numerous bodies they had to step over on their way weren't encouraging, either.

Charlene brought her rifle up. "They see us." She fired, and a few soldiers ahead fell to the ground.

There was a huge eruption of gunfire in response. Lulu shrieked and dived for cover behind an overturned truck. Doug stuck with Charlene and fired, though he wasn't quite sure at what. The mech then pivoted to face them, its giant guns now pointed in their direction.

"We'll only be safe from its weapons when we're directly below it," Charlene called out and shot off some more rounds.

Doug nodded and then saw the ground explode all around him as the mech fired. He ran even quicker now, not bothering to fire as he couldn't see or hear anything other than the explosions. When he could see something again, it was the mech looming over him.

Charlene pulled him out of the way of the mech's foot. "Cover fire!" She slung her rifle over her shoulder and started to climb the mech. Bullets were ricocheting off the mech's legs from all directions, and Doug fired as often as he could as he kept ducking both the return fire and the mech's moving feet. His rifle clicked empty, and Doug quickly pulled out another magazine as he accidentally bumped into the mech's foot and fell over. He saw three soldiers running towards him. Doug kept trying to put another magazine into his rifle, then realized he was doing it backwards. Just as the soldier got a bead on him, a burst of gunfire dropped the three.

Doug saw a large metal foot coming down. He rolled out of the way and finally reloaded his gun. He wondered where the saving shots came from, but then remembered Charlene. He looked up for her, and then had to dodge a falling body. The mech began firing again, but this time at the enemy soldiers. "Die!" Charlene's voice echoed out of the mech's speakers.

Doug ran back for safety, taking glances at the mech that now chased the enemy. A hand grabbed him and sent him to the ground. Above him was Bryce. He and Lulu were apparently now both hiding behind the overturned truck, and Bryce looked angry. "You almost ruined my plans getting killed out there! The arrangement has always been that I plot and you carry things, so let's not repeat this."

"Hey! You saved me, didn't you?"

Bryce helped Doug to his feet. "Just feel lucky I realized that, with the current timetable for said plans, there wasn't enough time to find a replacement for you."

"What plans?" Lulu asked.

Bryce looked taken aback by the question. Doug had long ago stopped asking about Bryce’s schemes because he never gave a straight answer. Bryce looked Lulu over and then something seemed to click in his mind. "I'll explain them soon enough. This will change our lives, and you're quite crucial to it... uh..."

"Lulu. Am I going to have to carry stuff?"

"Of course not. That's Doug's job… and you're going to be in charge."

Lulu's eyes brightened. "Ooh! Sounds fun!"

Doug looked out towards the mech and its carnage. "Do we need to help Charlene?"

There were many explosions and screams in the distance. "I think she has it under control," Bryce said.

Lulu looked out from behind the truck. "No fair! They get to retreat."

Bryce walked out from cover. "Life isn't fair."

The three then watched for a while as the battle-mech chased the enemy over the horizon and cries of "Die, cowards, die!" echoed out of its speakers. Soon Bryce set down the blanket again and went back to eating lunch.

NEXT

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Rating: 2.9/5 (16 votes cast)

Hellbender
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7 Responses To "A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Part 4 - Getting Shot At"

STOP TOYING WITH US! I WANT TO READ MORE! idk what it is... if it's the comedy or the action or that guy who calls himself God but i want more. btw... FIRST!

#1 - Posted by: Garrett on June 20, 2006 01:20 PM

I like the cast of characters. You're doing a good job with this.

#2 - Posted by: A Steve on June 20, 2006 02:11 PM

Hmmm.

Not so sure about the Duex es machina solution of having Bryce supply covering fire to protect Doug. Sure, it works fine in the serial version but if you read all the chapters together is seems almost... weak. Also out of character for Bryce, unless he turns out to be a big softie who has been looking out for Doug while pretending to be a self interested bastard, or actually an agent of that God guy from the first chapter.

Still that's only a minor quibble. Great stuff.

#3 - Posted by: Chainik Hocker on June 20, 2006 08:15 PM

These guys sound like Ewoks.

They better not be Ewoks.

(shakes fist)

#4 - Posted by: Master Shake on June 20, 2006 09:21 PM

I can really visualize the scenes, but there is a little difficulty with some of the details. Admittedly, I don’t know enough about writing yet, but the characters are a little vague. I can see LuLu as a five-foot-two, petite curly-haired brunette, and Charlene as a broad-shouldered red-head with freckles, but I can’t see Doug and Bryce. The sandwiches, to me, were just two pieces of bread. Were they ham, turkey, or peanut butter and jelly? I have to know these things! Otherwise, GREAT story! I can’t wait for your next installment.

#5 - Posted by: Pork & Beans on June 21, 2006 10:34 AM

Hocker,
Yeah, that part could have been done better, but Bryce's character will be established a bit more later.

Pork,
Fitting descriptions in is always the hardest part for me. I have to work on that.

#6 - Posted by: Frank J. on June 21, 2006 10:36 AM

Cool Frank!

But what do I know! I’m just a very thin, older grey gentleman whose past years had caught up with him in a very harsh way. The years of alcohol use and bad relationships, put the wrinkle lines on his face in an infinite frown. Although, his heart is light and full of laughter at frankj’s art work, he still scares the young children with his gnarled and tobacco stained teeth. But what do I know? Seriously, I’m a still a student; and I love IMAO –keep up the great work! BTW isn’t it getting insane enough out there to merit a new HFL cartoon?

#7 - Posted by: Pork & Beans on June 21, 2006 01:21 PM
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