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June 21, 2006
Scenes From the World Cup
Announcer #1: Welcome to this year’s coverage of the World Cup. Announcer #2: I can’t believe what an amazing first round we’ve had.
Announcer #2: Who advances to the second round? Announcer #1: They all do!! Announcer #2: How exciting. ** Announcer #1: This is the most exciting thing I’ve seen since that last zero-zero tie. Announcer #2: Yes, definitely one of the top ten nothing-nothings.
Announcer #2: What happened?
Announcer #2: Wow.
** Actor: Hey America. Why aren’t you watching? Please watch the World Cup. The World Cup: Because soccer isn’t just for children. **
Announcer #2: You don’t say. Announcer #1: Yes, of course, the Norwegians beat the Swiss. Announcer #2: You mean with scoring??” Announcer #1: Of course not. The Swiss pulled out of the match. They decided they wanted to remain neutral. Announcer #2: How exciting. Announcer #1: Yes, my colleagues and I still talk about that one. Oops, time for commercial. ** Goalie Endorsement. Thanks to the Kickarino’s alarm system, I woke up from my nap just in time to watch that kick sail high into the stands. Thanks Kickarino. Commercial Announcer; The Kickarino 200 – from Adidas. The Shoemaker. ** Announcer #1: One thing I’ve enjoyed about this tournament is that so many teams have scored Own Goals. Announcer #2: Yes, very exciting. Announcer #1: That’s true. I haven’t anybody score that much on themselves since Pee Wee Herman. I can’t wait for this next match to start. Announcer #2: Yes, it will start in just 3 more hours. Int he meantime, we’ll sit here and discuss strategies and players and all the good stuff people never thought of because they were too busy trying to find beer. *** Announcer #1: We are now looking down on the field watching the players warm up for the next match. Yes, over on the far end, we see them sprinting. At the near end, we see the goalie is practicing blocking shots. Announcer #2: My goodness, there’s a player twisting and writhing on the grass. He’s surrounded by the team staff. Are they medical doctors? Announcer #1: No – acting coaches. Announcer #2: How exciting. ** Announcer #1: This just in. Saudi Arabia filed an appeal to the United Nations regarding the bad officiating in the first round. Announcer #2: What did the United Nations determine? Announcer #1: They said the Arabs were right. The UN today sanctioned Israel and blamed the bad officiating on a Zionist conspiracy. Announcer #2: But there isn’t even an Israeli team in the World Cup. Announcer #1: Yes there is: The United States. Announcer #2: I suspected, but I wasn’t sure. ** Announcer #1: News flash. Angola and Tibet have both tied Zero-zero. They both adavance to the second round. Announcer #2: How exciting! 28 Responses To "Scenes From the World Cup"
Hah! Capitalist swine! I score first! #1 - Posted by: Infidel Castrol on June 21, 2006 07:54 PMFirst! Soccer, not just for women and children anymore. Also for sissys, panty wastes, and third world countries that can't afford American Football equipment! #2 - Posted by: Eagle6 on June 21, 2006 07:57 PMDamn, that was close ... #3 - Posted by: Eagle6 on June 21, 2006 07:58 PMHey, if you guys want a real sport, watch Rugby - Non-stop smashing, kicking, punching, bleeding, gouging action without armor and without stopping every fifteen seconds to stand around patting each other on the ass for ten minutes. The above is in no way related to my own playing of rugby. :-D And no zero-zero ties. Orion #4 - Posted by: Orion on June 21, 2006 08:30 PMReading that was much more exciting than the real thing, however; the announcers were almost a little to realistic. It was still funny as hell. Thanks Duck. #5 - Posted by: Ron Rockstar on June 21, 2006 09:16 PMRemember a decade or so back when the US had a match against Columbia in the World Cup. A player scored an own goal in the game leading to a loss by Columbia. Of course the Columbian player responisble was assassinated shortly after. #6 - Posted by: Neo-andertal on June 21, 2006 09:45 PMWas that a transcript of the entire history of the World Cup? There was way too much excitement there for a single World Cup. #7 - Posted by: Master Shake on June 21, 2006 11:37 PMExcellent! Glad to see you getting back in action Ducky. Best line: "The Swiss pulled out of the match. They decided they wanted to remain neutral." #8 - Posted by: FIAR on June 22, 2006 01:34 AMDucky, that was spot-on. Even though it is TV related, it also is funny and bashes Euro-trash. I like it. #9 - Posted by: motopolitico on June 22, 2006 07:16 AMBush lied, the World Cup died! The polls prove it! Refute with that you inferior white anglo-saxon males! #10 - Posted by: Monkey-Faced Libnut on June 22, 2006 07:52 AMlol RWD, your my hero! I hate this "sport" so much. #12 - Posted by: EricR on June 22, 2006 09:12 AMIts funny cause it's true. #13 - Posted by: HKPistole on June 22, 2006 09:38 AMBest line ever: "I haven’t anybody score that much on themselves since Pee Wee Herman." #14 - Posted by: Andrew on June 22, 2006 10:10 AMWait, what was that rugby ad from Orion? Go back to Russia and take your foreigner games with you, commie! #15 - Posted by: co on June 22, 2006 10:16 AMYa, If I’m gonna watch foreign sports I think I’ll choose Australian Rules Football. Now those guy’s know how to keep the reconstructive surgeons busy. #16 - Posted by: Neo-andertal on June 22, 2006 10:43 AMco - rugby is a very American sport. It's what our kids play before we teach them the rules to football. #17 - Posted by: Gunga on June 22, 2006 10:43 AMI see now whence the Euro-US divide: US networks interrupt soccer matches with commercials. Sacrilege! Well done, RWD, really funny #18 - Posted by: Brutha on June 22, 2006 11:07 AM*laughs* This is one reason I don't watch World Cup. Spot-on, RWD. #19 - Posted by: Basilisk on June 22, 2006 12:23 PMMen who can't appreciate soccer probably don't appreciate the foreplay during sex either... #20 - Posted by: Alice H on June 22, 2006 03:38 PMOr,... perhaps they're enjoying it so much that they don't have time to watch stupid soccer games on TV. Oh! BURN!!! ... Ok that's enough, time for Scooby Doo. #21 - Posted by: RoRo on June 22, 2006 04:36 PMWell said Mary. Maybe I agree. Soccer is like sex for some guys. All foreplay and no scoring. :) #22 - Posted by: RightWingDuck on June 22, 2006 05:32 PMNow that I think about it ... Maybe soccer balls should be blue. #23 - Posted by: RightWingDuck on June 22, 2006 05:35 PM"Or,... perhaps they're enjoying it so much that they don't have time to watch stupid soccer games on TV." If men weren't watching TV because they were having too much fun having sex, reality tv wouldn't exist. #24 - Posted by: Alice H on June 22, 2006 06:53 PM"If men weren't watching TV because they were having too much fun having sex, reality tv wouldn't exist." Oh please, real men don't watch reality TV, just like real men don't watch/play soccer! #25 - Posted by: EricR on June 23, 2006 01:55 PMHK Pistole stole what I was gonna say. Soccer sucks! #26 - Posted by: me on June 24, 2006 12:51 AMAlice, if you are actually comparing soccer to foreplay, I'd say your parner is doing things very, very badly! If one is going to draw a comparison between soccer and something done in bed, the better choice would be convalescence! #27 - Posted by: Paul B on June 24, 2006 01:45 AMCome on people, enough with these sour grapes. #28 - Posted by: on June 24, 2006 02:38 AMPost a comment
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