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July 05, 2006
Half-Assed Protests
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment) Cindy Sheehan & Code Pink have started their "Bring the Troops Home Fast", where - in exchange for the following demands: * The withdrawal of all U.S. from Iraq; they promise to eat regular meals. Amusingly, Sheehan's idea of a "fast" isn't the normal one of "no food, just water". It's "a diet of water, teas and juices". Possibly the occasional Wendy's Frostie, too, although I don't know if soquids are allowed. And for those who aren't even willing to give up solid foods - no problem! You can join in the "rolling fast", where you only stop eating on designated days. Yes, you too can share quality hunger-time with such celebrities as Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn, Danny Glover, Willie Nelson and the Rev. Al Sharpton. "Stop eating on a designated day"? Guess what, Lefty Idiots, that's not fasting, that's DIETING. Of course "Bring the Troops Home Diet" just doesn't have that martyr-like ring to it. I imagine, however that this "fasting with food" concept will probably inspire other weak, watered-down protest efforts that require no real sacrifice and have catchy names and the phrase "for the Troops" added so it sounds like they're doing something noble. Maybe protests like: Poop for the Troops - Use the toilet but refuse to flush. Death March for the Troops - Don't use your remote control. Walk up to the TV and change channels manually. Fine for the Troops - Return your library books late. Hubble for the Troops - When you take vacation pictures, make them slightly blurry. Hobble for the Troops - Walk around your house barefoot until you stub your toe on a piece of furniture. Fresh Step for the Troops - Go an extra day before cleaning your cat's litter box. Get Moore-On for the Troops - Just keep eating until you're as fat as Michael Moore. If you're already there, shoot for Ted Kennedy. Matte Finish for the Troops - Next time you wash your car, don't wax it. Agent Orange for the Troops - Stand on the grass right next to a "Keep off the Grass" sign. Move along smartly as soon as a cop yells at you so that you don't actually get into any trouble. Butterfatless for the Troops - Switch to skim milk. Burning in the Flaming Cauldron of the Desert Heat for the Troops - Set your central air one degree higher than normal. Myself, I'll be participating in "Stifle the Dissent of Stupid Neo-Hippies for the Troops" where I'll be mercilessly violating the free speech rights of anonymous trolls by editing their comments to make them look stupid...er. 17 Responses To "Half-Assed Protests"
I'm going to "step lively" (not very fast) for the troops which is to say I'm only going to eat when I get hungry. #1 - Posted by: spacemonkey on July 5, 2006 10:36 AMharvey, harvey, harvey. Cindy Sheehag and her cronies are just maggot-infested, dirty hippie cows. So bashing them will just get you an angry letter from PETA. You are much better off participating in the "Bash the Stupid Liberals over the Head with a Lead Pipe for the Troops". You will still get an angry letter from the PETA pals, but at least you get to draw maggot-infested hippie blood. #2 - Posted by: captamerica on July 5, 2006 10:41 AMLiberlas whine and claim to "Support the Troops" Its a great way to give 'em some REAL support. #3 - Posted by: HKPistole on July 5, 2006 10:44 AMHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's a classic Harvey. Straight to the best of list. #4 - Posted by: Neo-andertal on July 5, 2006 10:59 AMI think I値l refuse to go to work for a month and sit around on my ass for the troops. I致e been meaning to do that anyway. #5 - Posted by: Neo-andertal on July 5, 2006 11:02 AMOh yah, I値l let my personal hygiene go to hell too. #6 - Posted by: Neo-andertal on July 5, 2006 11:08 AMI値l let my hair go wherever it wants to for the troops too. Never wash it. That値l show everyone. Maybe if I gather enough hair out of my nose and ass, I can knit a hair shirt. #7 - Posted by: Neo-andertal on July 5, 2006 11:12 AMAnybody care to mail me a lead pipe? I could use a good whack on the head right about now. What am I thinking? Maybe I should go down to basement and walk into some low hanging plumbing or something. #8 - Posted by: Neo-andertal on July 5, 2006 11:19 AMNeo, you stole my idea about not bathing as a protest; that's something the hippy left is exceedingly good at. Maybe the limosine liberals could forgo their facials and full body massages for a day. #9 - Posted by: shimauma on July 5, 2006 11:25 AMSweet! Frank and I already turned our A/C up 2 degrees in an effort to have a lower electric bill. I mean, in support of the Burning Caldron Thingy for the Troops. #10 - Posted by: sarahk on July 5, 2006 11:39 AMSomebody goofed. Shouldn't there be some kind of anti-Israel demand in there? Somebody goofed. Shouldn't there be some kind of anti-Israel demand in there? The Poop for the Troops thing is definitely not a sacrifice for these folk as I imagine they already smell worse than 4-day-old unflushed stool. #13 - Posted by: DesertElephant on July 5, 2006 03:50 PMCram it! for the troops - I promise not to fly First Class until THEY bring our boys home! Dam it! for the troops - rake your lawn clippings into the gutter till THEY bring our boys home! Slam it! for the troops - slam a door once a day till THEY bring our boys home! Kablam it! for the troops - watch reruns of the old Batman TV show till THEY bring our boys home! OK...pretend that those were funny before Harvey cahnged them to make me look stupider...as if that would be possible. #14 - Posted by: Gunga on July 5, 2006 04:04 PMMaybe I値l just stop wearing pants until the troops come home. #15 - Posted by: Neo-andertal on July 5, 2006 04:32 PMI just locked my 84 year old mother in the Bathroom and she痴 not coming out until the troops come home. #16 - Posted by: Neo-andertal on July 5, 2006 04:36 PMGunga - What about Spam it! for the troops - send unsolicited advertising via e-mail until THEY bring our boys home. #17 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on July 5, 2006 04:51 PMPost a comment
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