Accidentally send his army on maneuvers to the east-into China, while proclaiming victory ver his enemies there.

Demand that all N. Koreans read the NY Times daily as the new national newspaper.

1) When the U.S. retalliates for missiles fired at us, he dons a hand-puppet mimicking "Triumph the Insult Dog" and states "I keed, I keed."

2) He releases the following press statement: "The missile fired to the U.S. was aimed for Hollywood because I had just finished watching Gigli."

3) He claims the missiles that fell into the sea were intentional because he had received a letter from PETA stating he could attack America but DON'T HURT THE FISH.

By the by, I wonder if those were missiles were named after him: "No Dong"!!

That would explain a few things.

At the Pleasure Dome there’s the scale replica of the Empire State building. Kim goes to the top of the building where they play Kim Jong Kong, while swatting at replicas of US military aircraft.

I knew it. Kim Jong Il’s partying it up again.

I had a real bad feeling when I loaned out my lime green socks and Spartacus movie to Superman. So Superman and RightWingDuck have been hanging out with the Donger at his North Korean pleasure dome. Now that’s a frightening picture, grown men lounging around wearing nothing but lime green socks, eating burritos, and watching gladiator movies. Their still using the same three socks but have gone for the minimalist approach and divided them up, a sock apiece. Every so often one of them will yell “I’M FARTICUS take that Roman oppressors” and asks for a light. Never eat burritos with Superman. That’s a rule. I hope the Duck keeps a fire extinguisher handy.

Kim Jong Il likes all the Superman tricks. There’s the diamond trick where Superman squeezes a lump of coal into a diamond with his cheeks. Kim got all excited and thought they were going to make a lot of money, but the diamonds were a terrible off color and full of strange inclusions. Kim’s favorite Superman trick is called jamming the wood chipper. I’m not sure I should explain this trick other than to say Superman is indeed the man of steel. Finally there’s the old standby of watching the bullets bounce off Superman. A little gunfire is always fun especially if all the guests do the Duck dance and try to avoid the bullets. Oh, did I mention the mariachi band. A party’s never complete with plenty of crazy Mexicans. North Korea has been kidnapping Mexicans for years and nobody noticed. Everybody just assumed they probably went north.

It’s a big party all right, stupid superhuman tricks, gladiator movies, lime green socks, burritos, loud accordion music, missiles going up, Mexicans shooting everything, the Korean pleasure brigade girls, and a Duck running around with a fire extinguisher screaming “We’re all going to die”. Now that’s a party.

"Order pictures of a bikini-clad Helen Thomas to be painted on the noses of all North Korean fighter jets."

GAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Thanks a lot for the mental image that'll scar me for life!

Shooting down all their fighters will be an act of mercy, well the ones that can still fly anyway...

Starts dressing more like Dr Evil

Trades current elevator shoes for platforms w/goldfish in them

Calls Chinese President Hu Jintao on the red phone, asks him if he has Emperor Chang in a can

Produces, writes, directs and stars in his own Hong Kong Action Movie/Porno. He doesen't put his name on it, though, he uses the alias Hung Reel Lo

Those limos his generals drive in for military parades? He trades those for *really cheap* knock offs of the cars from The Fast and the Furious

Names the succssor to the Taepodong-2 the Straponschlong-3

* Orders all North Koreans to hold their breath until they turn blue - simultaneously.

* In a surprise move, increases calls for 6-way bisexual talks. Wait...BiLATERAL? Is that kinky?

* Demands the US turn over all Estes Rocket technology or face the consequences!

* Begins having all North Koreans fill out those little magazine subscription cards - with GEORGE BUSH'S ADDRESS ON THEM! Muahahahaha!

* Takes a tip from Col. Kadaffi and begins dressing in drag for all official state functions.

* Claims US shot down all his missiles and demands reparations.

Orion

Warns his people of impending nukelar retaliation from that cowboy Bush and urges them to head for the hills, then blames U.N. for his premature evacuation.