(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

For some reason, I was always under the impression that the protections afforded to prisoners of war under the Geneva Convention treaty only applied to uniformed soldiers fighting for countries that signed the treaty.

Apparently you don't have to sign the treaty.

Or wear a uniform.

But who am I to question? The courts have reached deeply into this mysterious document and discovered rights for terrorists like Lance Burton yanking doves out of his ass.

I suppose the next time the question comes up, they'll find that terrorists have the right to:

* A supportive visit from Cindy Sheehan (non-conjugal), and a bite of her vanilla fast cream.

* A supportive visit from a goat (conjugal).

* A cell phone to vote for the "America's Got Talent" contestant of their choice and/or trigger an IED.

* A gasoline-soaked American flag and a Zippo.

* Only be forced to make license plates if they say "I H8 USA".

* A Rock hammer and a poster of Raquel Welch.

* An iPod loaded with that hideous, screechy, wailing music they like. Anything by Kenny G will do.

* Soprano sax?... Dude... that is TOTALLY gay.

* A turban, or at least a stylin' fedora.

* Weekly viewings of "Team America: World Police" so that they can hear someone speaking in their native tongue.

* Access to the Bush Administration's top secret war plans. A New York Times subscription is also acceptable.

* A Koran, a prayer mat, and a Jew to blame all their problems on.

* A replacement Jew if that one gets blown up.

• Currently 2.20/5
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Rating: 2.2/5 (5 votes cast)

Precision Guided Humor Assignments
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