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July 26, 2006
A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Part 20 - Panic
Posted by Frank J. at 03:25 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (10)

BEGINNING OF STORY

PREVIOUS (PART 19)

* * * *

"You're creepy." Lulu fired a three-round burst from her pistol at Vera.

Vera didn't react at all; she didn't even flinch.

Charlene fired at the woman, and again nothing. Charlene looked more than a little concerned.

Vera laughed. "You people really have no idea what you've gotten yourselves into."

"She's one of the Fallen!" Doug pointed his knife at her while looking to Bryce. "Regular weapons can't harm her."

Bryce just appeared confused. "You've got to be kidding me."

For the first time, Vera looked a bit concerned as she now focused on Doug. "The Fallen? Where did you hear that term?"

"What’s the Fallen?" asked a dumbfounded Charlene.

Doug wasn't sure what to do. He didn't feel like running up and stabbing the woman as that just seemed too awkward... plus the KaBar knife just didn't feel as sacred anymore now that he saw one of the Fallen not be harmed in the slightest by bullets.

"Bryce, did we have a backup plan in case we were confronted with a bulletproof woman," Lulu asked, staring at Vera with fearful eyes.

"I'm devising one." Bryce dug through his pockets. "I had explosive cufflinks, but I wore a shirt that doesn't use cufflinks..." He pulled out a pen. "That's the flash grenade... and... ah-ha!" Bryce took out a cufflink and threw it against the wall where it stuck. "You have this." He then tossed the pen at Vera. "Everyone else: duck."

Simultaneously, the pen exploded in a flash while the wall to their side blew apart, peppering them all with debris. "Come on!" Bryce called as he disappeared through the exit.

Doug wasn't sure whether he was supposed to stand and fight, but Charlene pushed him through the hole in the wall before he could decide. The four of them ran through the room to the hallway exit, all glancing behind them for Vera who was no where to be seen.

"What the hell is going on?" Charlene yelled.

They reached the stairway and quickly made their way up. "Don't know," Bryce said. "This one actually lands on Doug to explain, but why don't we just get out of here and leave it all a moot point."

"They’re like aliens that need to be sent back to a prison dimension that I was told about in a dream by..."

Bryce kicked the door open leading to the roof. "Save it for the ride home, Doug!" On the roof was a large landing pad upon which sat one military vehicle. They wasted no time getting inside. Bryce sat at the controls.

Charlene closed the side hatch. "You know how to fly this?"

"I took a few classes on VTOL vehicles." Bryce fumbled at the controls in a way that didn't look to Doug like he new what he was doing. Still, the vehicle finally lurched into the air and Bryce let out a victory shout. "Invulnerable aliens or not, we're getting out of here with the hard drive!" He patted the case he that was hanging at his side by a shoulder sling. "Time for a paycheck, people!"

Lulu pumped her fist in the air. "Go Hellbender!"

Charlene turned to Doug. "Now, what are the Fallen?"

"Well... uh..." Doug looked out the window as he tried to put his thoughts together. He watched as the research building below them faded into the distance and exploded. "Did the building just explode?"

Bryce tried to look behind him while piloting the craft. "What? What exploded?"

Lulu stared out of the window. "The whole building."

"Charlene! What did you do?" Bryce yelled.

Charlene looked towards the fire below them. "I didn't do it! I still have my explosives."

"Doug! What did you do?"

Doug scratched his head. "I've accidentally blown up lots of stuff before, but never a whole building... once a tool shed, though."

"The entire building is gone," Charlene said. "That was a professional demolition; are we being set up?"

"I don't know why anyone would make such an effort." Bryce looked at the console. "Well, look at all the pretty dots on the radar converging on us; that must be about the entire Asmod military. Everyone sit down and fasten your seat belts; we're going to see how fast this thing goes."

Doug finally put his knife away and got a seat next to Charlene. He was then pressed against the chair by a huge force as the craft rocketed forward.

"I'm taking us over the wastelands," Bryce said with some effort against the pressure. "I figure we land a ways out of Proserpine territory and hoof it in. Then we deliver the merchandise, get our credits, and lie low for a bit. Sound like a plan?"

"Aren't the wastelands full of flesh-eating mutants?" Lulu asked.

Bryce sighed. "Why does everyone have an irrational fear of flesh-eating mutants? We'll just..." An alarm went off. "Crap."

"What now?" Charlene demanded.

"Just a... um... hardware malfunction." The craft suddenly slowed. Then it sped up in a new, more earthbound direction. Bryce now hit buttons on the console like a madman. "Everyone... um... how does that go... um... 'Brace for impact.'"

NEXT

Baens Universe Logo
Help Save Science Fiction at Jim Baen's Universe!
(NOTE: Frank J.'s hastily hacked together stories are in no way supported or condoned by Baen)

Rating: 0.5/5 (1 vote cast)

Hellbender
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10 Responses To "A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Part 20 - Panic"

aww... i was hoping to see some stabbing. or rather read it. i really like how you said "a new, more earthbound direction."

that was pretty funny. good job, again.

first!

#1 - Posted by: Garrett on July 26, 2006 03:47 PM

Mutants, this just keeps getting better!! Frank, write more, sleep less.

#2 - Posted by: Craig on July 26, 2006 03:52 PM

Yay! Charlene's unharmed! Good Frank!Stupid Vera scared me for a second.

#3 - Posted by: HKpistole on July 26, 2006 04:15 PM

"Go Hellbender". Are the Fallen much like cats? In that all humanity is here to serve them. Awesome story I can't believe I'm so addicted. I just need my medicine, If not the cure for this wonderful addiction called "Hellbender"

#4 - Posted by: loomdog on July 26, 2006 04:32 PM

I just had a weird thought is Doug a Fallen? No records, no memory of family, Somehow survives through battles, and gets messages in dreams. Bryce obviously isn't as he has been wounded before. Bring on the "flesh eating mutants".

#5 - Posted by: paul on July 26, 2006 04:43 PM

You wrote,

"Lulu pumped her fist in the air. "Go Hellbender!"

Charlene turned to Doug. "Now, what are the Fallen?"

"Well... uh..." Doug looked out the window as he tried to put his thoughts together. He watched as the research building below them faded into the distance and exploded. "Did the building just explode?""

That seemed like kind of an awkward transition. I hate to split hairs when I have found the stories pretty entertaining, but that seemed like you coulda had something in there to make the reader wait a little more since that would be his primary interest at them moment. But not too long, just some celebrating or something. Good job though.

#6 - Posted by: sean on July 26, 2006 06:13 PM

sean,
My hope with that part was to throw in the building exploding so casually that it would take a second to realize what you just read... just like it would take a second for Doug to realize what he just witnessed.

Maybe it didn't work, though.

#7 - Posted by: Frank J. on July 26, 2006 06:24 PM

Frank J. is a tease!!!!

Nice plot twist, if your into developing characters I would build up lu lu, charlene, and bryce and just kind of "nuance" Doug along. I can already see him jamming a K-bar into stan, but have no idea how he get's there.

Great stuff. Loved "bit by bit" can't wait for the follow up. can already see the HBO special.

You Rock.

#8 - Posted by: HWY93 on July 26, 2006 10:06 PM

Since you've asked for critical feedback, "Lulu fired a three-round burst from her pistol at Vera.", was an absolutely fabulouse line for inspiring mental imagery in the mind of the reader. Much more effective than "Lulu shot at Vera", or "Lulu fired at Vera." I can almost see it. Of course in my head Lulu has a huge set and her shirt is unbuttoned to the navel.

#9 - Posted by: hwy93 on July 26, 2006 10:15 PM

No, Damnit! Give me more...give it...
Now now now!

#10 - Posted by: MrShad on July 27, 2006 01:18 PM
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