I've been very disappointed in what I've heard about Mel Gibson and his crazy ranting after being caught drunk driving. In retrospect, I guess it shouldn't be that surprising. You see, back when people were charging Gibson with being an anti-Semite when The Passion of the Christ came out, Gibson invited me over to his mansion. He, like many people, didn't want the poison pen of IMAO to turn against him, so he asked for a face to face with me to convince everyone he doesn't hate Jews.

We had a nice little chat, but then Mel Gibson got an important phone call and had to excuse himself for a few minutes. While waiting for him to get back, I noticed he had a parrot in a cage sitting nearby. Bored, I turned to the parrot and said, "Hello!"

"@#$%ing Jews!"

That seemed like an odd response. So I tried again. "Pretty bird."

"@#$% Jews!"

"Uh... Polly want a cracker?"

"@#$%ing Jews!"

Mel Gibson then came back in the room. "Hey, I see you've been talking to Himmler."

"Well, Mel, I..."

"Mr. Gibson."

"Mr. Gibson, I don't want to alarm you, but I think your parrot doesn’t likes Jews."

"Really? Why do you say that?"

"@#$%ing Jews!" Himmler piped in.

Gibson stroked his chin. "That certainly is an odd thing for a parrot to say."

I took a sip of the Tropical Punch Kool-Aid Mr. Gibson was nice enough to have his wife make me (he certainly had an odd nickname for her – "sugar" something or other - but that's neither here nor there). "By my understanding of parrots, either Himmler is finally verbalizing some deep seated hatred that has been simmering in him for years, or, more likely, he's just rote repeating something he's heard many times."

"That is troubling," Gibson said. "I should watch more carefully what Himmler is exposed to, as that is certainly something I've never said."

"I'm Mel Gibson and I hate the Jews!" Himmler squawked.

I pointed an accusing finger at Mr. Gibson. "So where would he have heard that?"

"Perhaps some other Mel Gibson was in here the other day."

That seemed a reasonable enough explanation, but then Himmler shouted, "That's right: Me, Mel Gibson the Oscar winning movie star, hates the Jews! Awk! @#$%ing Jews!"

"You see!" Gibson yelled. "I've never, ever said 'Awk!' I'll tell you what this is: The Jews must have planted this parrot here to make me look bad. @#$%ing Jews!"

"@#$%ing Jews!" Himmler repeated.

Gibson pointed to the parrot. "See! He agrees with me!"

That all seemed a sane enough explanation, so I didn't write anything about Mel Gibson being an anti-Semite at the time. But, looking back on it all, I'm beginning to wonder if that parrot learned those phrases because Mel Gibson was saying them.

Lesson learned: If you express things in the privacy of your own home you don't want the general public to know, don't own a parrot.

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