(A Filthy Lie)

Since Instapundit recently celebrated his 5th blogiversay, I thought it would be a good time to conduct an interview with Glenn Reynolds, so as to separate man from myth with this legendary blogger.

Unfortunately, Glenn had neither the time nor the inclination to answer my questions, so I put a pair of glasses on a teddy bear, sat him on a blankie, queried him at length, and used one of the many voices in my head to supply the answers.

Figured it wouldn't be TOO different from the real thing.

GLENN: Not true. Some of the evilest people in the world use "heh". For example, terrorists frequently say "Allah Akbar!" before blowing up school buses full of kids, which actually means "heh" in whatever monkey-jabber language it is they speak.

HARVEY: Why is your blog named "Instapundit"?

GLENN: Simple linguistics - "insta" means "really fast", "pun" is something that's funny in a pathetic sort of way, and "dit" is the spoken representation of the dot - the shorter of the two signals used in telegraph code. So - short, fast, funny, pathetic... all words women have used to describe my performance. I just sort of combined them.

HARVEY: What blogs do you read regularly?

GLENN: Including Instapundit?

HARVEY: Yes.

GLENN: Just Ann Althouse.

HARVEY: You DON'T read Instapundit?

GLENN: READ it? I don't even proofread it! That blog is just the result of Thunderbird-addled baboons poking randomly at keyboards & hitting the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button on Google. Then I have a mildly retarded parrot add a link to whatever pops up.

HARVEY: So it's a lot like a Kos "Open Thread" post?

GLENN: Yes, but with slightly less frothing Bush-hatred, and better spelling.

HARVEY: What made you decide to go to law school?

GLENN: Daily beatings from my parents.

HARVEY: You were a victim of child abuse?

GLENN: Victim? NO!... the beatings were a reward. I like that sort of thing. Doesn't everybody?

HARVEY: So... when you punched Frank J. that one time...

GLENN: Right. I was telling him to keep up the great blogging work. The boy's got talent. Unlike YOU, who I wouldn't even poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

HARVEY: Are you planning a sequel to your runaway best-seller "An Army of Davids"?

GLENN: Yes, this September, I'll be releasing "An Army of Destructo-bots: How Killer Robots Empower Ordinary Evil Overlords to Beat Any Rag-Tag Army of Misfits Those Pathetic Davids Can Raise". By the way, if you haven't already, you should buy my book. I need money. Those Destructo-bots aren't going to build themselves.

HARVEY: Why should people help you to enslave the human race?

GLENN: If you buy "An Army of Davids", you get a free coupon for a swift and merciful death. Everyone else has to listen to a Glenn & Helen Podcast as the Destructo-bot slowly crushes the life out of their bodies. MUAHAHA... I mean... heh.

HARVEY: Ok... well... that wraps up this interview. I'm gonna go run out and buy me a copy of that "Armada of Duckies" thing so that your shrieky, pteradactyl-like voice isn't the last sound I hear. Thank you for your time, Mr. Reynolds, and keep up the great blogging work.

GLENN: Thanks... um... aren't you going to punch me now?

HARVEY: Sorry. I'm saving it for Frank J.... besides, I wouldn't hit a bear with glasses.

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Filthy Lies
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