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August 21, 2006
Fun Facts About New Mexico
The IMAO Podcast is still on hiatus, but I have an irresistable urge to finish up the rest of the states in the Fun Facts About The 50 States series, so I'm going to forge ahead - hopefully on a weekly schedule. Should the podcast return, this is the list from which I'll pick & choose my favorite items to record. (continued in extended entry...) Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States. I'm your host, Harvey, and - week by week - I'll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting - yet completely useless, and probably untrue - information about each of the 50 states. This week, it's time to visit the state that 9 out of 10 kids mislabel as Arizona when they try to fill out a blank map of the US, otherwise known as New Mexico. So let's get started... New Mexico became the 47th state on January 6th, 1912. It was originally founded by a refugees from Texas seeking the religious freedom to end their prayers with "Amen" instead of "YEE-HAW!". Only 10% of the New Mexico Territory acquired by the US government during the Mexican-American War actually became the state of New Mexico. Very much like your income after taxes. The world's largest hot air balloon festival is held in Albuquerque, New Mexico, since the city's air comes conveniently pre-heated. Only .002% of New Mexico's total surface area is covered by lakes and rivers, giving it a water-to-land ratio just slightly larger than Ted Kennedy's conscience-to-soul ratio. The world's first atomic bomb was detonated near Alamagordo, New Mexico, on July 16th, 1945. The site was chosen by President Truman because he thought it "sounded Japanese enough for blowin' up". New Mexico's White Sands National Monument is the state's most popular tourist destination among confused cocaine addicts. Grants, New Mexico, was once known as "the carrot capital of the country" until it was brought low by a plague of wascally wabbits. The northwest corner of New Mexico borders the corners of three other states, where Cerberus jealously guards against invaders from Colorado, Utah, and Arizona. The Palace of the Governors in Sante Fe, New Mexico, was built in 1610 and is the oldest public buildings in America. Its walls are covered by colorful frescos and the unremovable stench of nearly 400 years of political corruption. The ancient Anasazi Indian civilization flourished in New Mexico for over 1300 years before being invaded and conquered by confused cocaine addicts. New Mexico is the only state in the US named after the country from which the land was acquired. At least until we get around to re-naming Quebec "New Canada". That's right, you filthy Canucks, we're comin' for ya. The state flower of New Mexico is the Yucca. Like hemp, its sturdy, fibrous leaves make excellent rope, yet hippies are inexplicably unenthusiastic about it. Over 1/4 of New Mexico is covered by lush, tropical, dust forests. Hippies aren't crazy about those, either. The largest fire in New Mexico's history destroyed nearly 50,000 acres of forest in 2000, and was caused by an Enron document-destroying party that got out of hand. In 1950, the cub that became the original Smokey the Bear was found after a fire in New Mexico's Lincoln National Forest where he was convicted of arson and sentenced to a life of community service as the Forest Service's mascot. 1 out of 3 families in New Mexico speak Spanish at home. While driving, however, 100% of the state's residents that I cut off in traffic shook their fist and called me "pendejo!", so that first statistic might be low. The mine at Lake Valley, New Mexico, has veins of 100% pure silver, which allows for removal without destructive mining techniques. Ben & Jerry's was so impressed by this environmentally-friendly operation that they offered to name an ice cream flavor after it, until they realized that nothing really rhymes with "silver". Inventor Robert Goddard made great advances in the science of rocketry at his Roswell, New Mexico, testing site. The museum dedicated to his work features scale models of his rocket designs and the stuffed & mounted bodies of all the aliens he shot down. After helping to create the atomic bomb at the Los Alamos, New Mexico, facility, many of the scientists and engineers remained in the area, leading to the creation of America's first Federal Nerd Sanctuary. 1 in 4 adults in New Mexico are employed directly by the Federal Government, which may explain the state's motto of "Liberty, Bureaucracy, Sloth". There were no public schools in New Mexico until the early 20th century, which is why the state's residents can both spell and pronounce "Albuquerque" correctly. New Mexico has more sheep and cattle than people. McDonalds reports having a hard time keeping up with demand for its new McMeadow sandwich. Because of its arid climate, 3/4 of New Mexico's roads are unpaved. Since the dirt is so dry and compacted, it doesn't wash away when it rains. Much like when a hippie showers. Yeah, I know, but use your imagination. Sportscaster John Madden was born in Austin, New Mexico, on the same day as the detonation of the first atomic bomb, which may explain his penchant for the word "boom!". The city of Truth of Consequences, New Mexico, was named after a popular 1950's radio quiz show, or possibly the fact that it's inhabited by mind reading aliens who deal screaming death to those who dare speak untruths in their presence. Either way, Bill Clinton has never visited the city. Make of that what you will. The town of Deming, New Mexico, is known for its annual duck races. Insider tip: bet heavily on "Quack O' War". Singer John Denver was born in Roswell, New Mexico, and is credited by many as the inspiration for Metallica's raw, heavy metal sound. --- That wraps up the New Mexico edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we'll be shocked to discover that there's actually an entire state surrounding that big, smelly, attention-hogging city, as we visit New York. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find a church service to attend - YEE-HAW! Hey... I'm Orthodox. 19 Responses To "Fun Facts About New Mexico"
Good one Harvey. Having lived here for 12 years I didn't find one exaggeration or misstated fact anywhere in your post. And the drivers know more espanol than pendejo. #1 - Posted by: Moneyman on August 21, 2006 05:59 PMAccording to my sources (Cheech and Chong), pendejo means "friend". #2 - Posted by: jimmyb on August 21, 2006 06:30 PMJust remember that there is more to New York state than that Nest O' Liberals we call New York City.... there's also a nest of them here in Buffalo. Just remember, if you need any help on info about The Peoples Republic of New York State to drop me a line. #3 - Posted by: GEBIV on August 21, 2006 07:24 PMDoh! I hate repeating phrases like "just remember" over and over. That's what happens when you write your comments between customers while at work and don't proofread when you're done... Just remember, don't goof off at work. The quality of your goofing off will always suffer. #4 - Posted by: GEBIV on August 21, 2006 07:27 PMNew Mexico; I don't even know where to begin... We produce red & green chile here, but most of it turns blue when it comes from the context of our politicos... Our state motto is "Land of Enchantment"
I once spent a week in New Mexico one night. #7 - Posted by: captamerica on August 22, 2006 08:06 AM"Commitment, hard work, efficiency, accountability: these are the elements in my approach to governing, and my strategy for success." —Governor Bill Richardson "And we are gonna get right on that once I am elminated from the 2008 Democrat Presidential race!" -Governor Bill Richardson #8 - Posted by: bill richardson on August 22, 2006 08:10 AMI don't mean to imply that New Mexico is boring but it took a constitutional amendment to get them to change the state bird from the slug to the road runner. -Governor Bill Richardson (not a candidate for president) paid for by the Committee to elect Bill Richardson President in 2008 #9 - Posted by: bill richardson on August 22, 2006 08:16 AMIt's not all bad. We do have direct access to some of the cheapest labor in the States. And we have dirt... lots & lots of dirt. Plus our state capitol, Santa Fe, has more homosexuals per capita that San Francisco. A fun fact about Bill richardson is that for the last several years that he's been in office, he was pandering to Vincente Fox & vitually ignoring the flood of illegal aliens. Then last year, he declares a state of emergency about the issue and decides to ask the Bush administration for help. Now that help is here in the form of over a hundred new B.P. agents & the Nat'l Guard, yet he is complaining about using the Guard. Yep... he's a democrat all right. #10 - Posted by: AlanABQ on August 22, 2006 12:44 PMBut he did sign CCW into law....but only because he knew every gunowner in the state would surround the Roundhouse. Johnson was great when he got re-elected: "I'd like to thank all the Democrats in the state,'cause I know there ain't enough Republicans to have re-elected me!" #11 - Posted by: Frantic Freddie on August 22, 2006 01:22 PMAh, New Mexico, the Land of Entrapment. We went with "Land of Enchantment" (which is the nickname, not the motto) so that all the hippies would think the dirt was really pixie dust... Our motto is, "Crescit Eundo" - which means, I kid you not, "It grows as it goes." I am assuming that refers to the amount of "pixie dust" in the air. (Basically, I think there was only one Latin speaker available when they came up with the motto, and he didn't know much Latin, and he could only think of one phrase...) We also have a governor who claimed he was drafted by MLB into the A's. (I think it was the A's.) He was called on the carpet, and backpedaled. Our flag is yellow with a red "Zia" symbol on it. The Zia symbol is named after the Zia tribe, and is supposed to represent the four directions, the four seasons, the four dollar all-you-can-eat buffets at the Indian casinos, etc. The Zia tribe, however, felt that it represented millions of dollars in copyright violations and a prime source for a lawsuit. Last I heard, they lost. Viva Deming!! At one time, the number one per capita in number of teenage pregnancies IN THE NATION!! "Town of Pure Water and Fast Ducks" == "Town of Impure Thoughts and Fast, er, Well It Rhymes With Ducks." I grew up in Deming. Weep for me. #12 - Posted by: BubbaB on August 22, 2006 03:41 PMOh, Harvey, EXCELLENT WRITEUP of New Mexico!! #13 - Posted by: BubbaB on August 22, 2006 03:41 PMAlbuquerque: The town no one can spell unless you've actually lived there. #14 - Posted by: Frantic Freddie on August 22, 2006 06:10 PMBah! "New Mexico: Not quite as old as Regular Mexico." #15 - Posted by: Infidel Castrol on August 22, 2006 11:41 PMI lived there for almost fifteen years, and never saw a windmill. #16 - Posted by: sean quixote on August 23, 2006 12:25 AMI'm getting a little verklempt. Give me a monment. I'll give you something to chew on. New Mexico, it is neither new nor is it Mexico. Discuss amongst yourselves. #17 - Posted by: captamerica1954 on August 23, 2006 08:52 AMNew Mexico: Does the work that the other 49 states won't do. #19 - Posted by: Infidel Castrol on August 23, 2006 06:01 PMPost a comment
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