Bush waited by his car in the desert as a truck and a limousine pulled up. Out of the limo exited an Arab gentleman. "Are you ready to buy?"

"If you have the product," Bush answered.

The Arab opened the back of the truck and took out a barrel. He then pulled off the lid. "Pure crude oil. Yours for only $25 a barrel."

The Arab began to replace the lid, but Bush stopped him. "I want to check this out." He stuck two fingers into the crude and then tasted it. He frowned and then leapt at the Arab, grabbing him by the neck. "You watered it down, you macaca!"

"No! It's pure crude oil! I swear!"

"If you're product is so great... THEN WHY DON'T YOU DIE IN IT!" Bush shoved the Arab's man head into the barrel of oil and held it there until he stopped moving.

"Great," Condoleezza Rice sighed, "You killed another Saudi prince."

Bush left the Arab in the barrel and walked back to the car. "So what? They have thousands more." They both got in the car.

"You just seemed more stressed and more murderous lately," Condi said as the car headed out of the desert.

"Hey, not only do I have these gas prices to worry about, but I got terrorism and Iraq and Iran and Hezbollah and North Korea and stupid Democrats and illegal immigration." Bush looked to the driver. "You're legal, right?"

"No hablo ingles."

"See!" Bush said to Condi. "They're all problems and they're not getting better. If I don't solve them all before the end of my term, everyone is going to say, 'Well, that Bush guy, he was no good.' They might even strike my name from the list of Presidents and I'll be forgotten like President Redding."

"Who?"

"Exactly."

"Well, Mr. President, since you can't solve all problems, maybe you should try focusing on one thing. I would suggest--"

"I could cure cancer!" Bush exclaimed. "Then everyone would remember me as the best President ever!"

"I was going to suggest focusing on terrorism," Condi said. "You don't anything about cancer... or curing... or, well, anything."

"Bah! That's what they told the guy who cured polio, and now everyone remembers his name... uh... Louie Pasteur."

Condi shook her head. "I guess I'll warn Tony to prepare defending you to the media for your newest misadventure."

"That's what he's there for."

* * * *

"Rarr!" Rumsfeld shouted. "I'm the Secretary of War! What am I doing in this lab? Science is for homosexuals!"

"I want you to help me cure cancer," Bush said. "It will make you seem more likeable. Now, the first step in curing cancer is to have a test subject with cancer to try your cure on. Open up that barrel, take out a test monkey, and give it cancer."

Rumsfeld opened the barrel covered in warning signs and took out a monkey. "How do I give it cancer? I only know how to snap their necks."

"We have to dose it with radiation." Bush looked around the room. "The copier! I bet that's full of radiation. Hold the monkey down in the copier while I press the copy button."

Rumsfeld pressed the monkey against the glass and Bush hit the copy button. The monkey screeched and tried to claw away each time the light flashed in its face.

"He seems to not like this," Rumsfeld observed.

"Then it's probably working in giving him cancer!" Bush kept hitting the copy button. "Copy the monkey! Copy the monkey!"

Rumsfeld looked at the copier tray. "All I see coming out of this is a bunch of pictures of an angry monkey."

"And that's worth something too!"

Suddenly, the barrel of monkeys fell over and the angry screeching monkeys ran out the door.

"You didn't put the lid back on tight!" Bush yelled.

"Handling monkeys isn't my job," Rumsfeld snarled.

There was a scream, and then a desperate Laura Bush appeared at the door. "There are monkeys loose in the White House!"

"Hmm... I wonder how that happened?" Bush said innocently. "I better call the exterminator."

Laura looked at the monkey being held on the copier. "What are you doing with that monkey?"

"Well... uh... when we found there were monkeys in the White House," Bush said, "we thought we better copy one to send the image to the police to see if they can identify the monkey as part of a terrorist plot. What we were most certainly not doing is trying to give the monkey cancer."

Laura gave Bush and Rumsfeld a suspicious look. "I'm keeping an eye on you two." She then left the room.

Rumsfeld took the monkey off the copier. "I'm done here."

"What? But we haven't cured cancer yet!"

Rumsfeld tossed the monkey into a nearby receptacle. "I have the deaths of many brown people to plot."

Bush ran to the receptacle. "Hey! That bin was for recyclable paper only!" He turned to see that Rumsfeld had already left. "I'm surrounded by incompetence. Now I have to sort this paper from monkey before all our recycling is ruined." He reached into the bin, and then quickly retracted his hand. "Ow! Either a monkey or some paper bit me!"

• Currently 3.17/5
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• 6
• 7
• 8
• 9
• 10

Rating: 3.2/5 (6 votes cast)

In My World
Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | Stumble It!