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August 25, 2006
They're Close Relatives of the Wolf, Not Accessories!
Posted by Frank J. at 11:34 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (26)

A lot of people hate little yip-yap dogs, but that's wrong. It's not their fault they're tiny and stupid; that was selective breeding by people who hate all that dogs stand for.

You see, even if you breed tiny dogs, they still are so closely related to the wolf that the species distinction is more aesthetic that genetics. Inside each little yipping Chihuahua is a wolf desperately wanting to tear out the throats of whomever crosses it. It's like Jack Bauer being trapped in the body of a two-year-old. Do you think Jack Bauer would like to be told how cute he is while being rolled around in a stroller?

No, he wouldn't. He would plot to kill you even while impotent to do so. Such is the life of the small dog.

And that's why this is animal abuse of the highest order:


"Someone! Please! Kill me!"


I'm not a big animal rights advocate, but things like this should be outlawed. Dogs have had a long history as man's best friend, and a civil society should afford them at least some protections of their dignity if nothing else.

If little yip-yap dogs suddenly gained the ability to inflict real damage, I bet they'd kill way more people than pit bulls.

And who could blame them?

Rating: 1.5/5 (2 votes cast)

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26 Responses To "They're Close Relatives of the Wolf, Not Accessories!"

They work Great as offshore fishing lures!

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/10/1019_051019_dog_shark.html

#1 - Posted by: CT Sean on August 25, 2006 12:00 PM

Sorry Frank. Shrink me down at paste me to that chick's ass anytime.

#2 - Posted by: CAPTAMERICA on August 25, 2006 12:09 PM

Someone should explain to her that wearing a dog (as opposed to walking one) reduces her hotness level significantly. It's kind of hard to check a woman out with a straight face when she appears to have a small dog growing out of her left butt check.

#3 - Posted by: Rick on August 25, 2006 12:09 PM

It may be wrong and all, but dude, the woman is tasty!

That said, I see a trend toward dog breeds that are nothing more than fluffy torsos with vestigial leg spurs like a snake, and big, round faces and huge dark eyes; forced to lounge on couches all day; strapped into harnesses in the backyard when it's time to potty. It would be easy (and fun) to write a Stephen King style horror stoy about these little worm dogs seeking revenge on the humans who condemned them to this hell on earth.

#4 - Posted by: PaleoMedic on August 25, 2006 12:15 PM

D-oh! What's a "horror stoy"?

#5 - Posted by: PaleoMedic on August 25, 2006 12:18 PM

I have to agree with CaptAmerica.

It's a testimony to SarahK's hotness that you only commented on the dog when you put that picture out.

Still, if you picture that shot in motion, that dog must be getting flipped up and down with every step with a fair amount of force. I'm betting she has to wash her left shoe out after every walk until she gets a clue.

#6 - Posted by: Kent on August 25, 2006 12:34 PM

You see, thats the kind of stuff I'm talking about, it's disgusting, vulgar...( Place you adjective here ).
I have no respect for people who go that far, who treat an animal like it was their son. ( interruption, down boy down, here have a treat, now go play outside ) My dog serves me as a watch dog, he watches out for CATS and strays, protects my family, my home from intruders. Mostly eats other living things that fall within his reach, CATS, birds, neighbors pesky kids etc... Why I can remember... ( interruption: shoo, shoo, go play in the yard, stop licking my shoes, want another treat? Here, lets play fetch, see the CAT(waving CAT, then toss) Fetch!!! Good Boy, look, look whos that behind you? ( Swift kick in the rear, out the door to the yard) Now stay out.) as I was saying, oops, gotta answer the (pause, reading caller ID, Humane Society) Gotta go, tell ya some other day, Ciao.

#7 - Posted by: Sparky on August 25, 2006 12:41 PM

We have six Siberian Huskies that at this moment are in the backyard practicing their packing techniques for the time when breech the fence and take down the neighbor’s bull. We also have a Jack Russell Terrier and a Miniature Wiener Dog that stands a towering six inches from the floor to the top of her shoulders. I understand they were bred to root out badgers. She is by far the most vicious of all of our dogs. She’ll burrow under a blanket on the couch and curl up and wait. Our Alpha male, Jackenstein, will make the mistake of getting too close and she’ll come out from her den and attack! Jack and everyone else in the house will scatter! Yes sir, she’s one mean little bitch.

#8 - Posted by: Pork & Beans on August 25, 2006 01:05 PM

Yeah, I think the captain said it best.

#9 - Posted by: AlanABQ on August 25, 2006 01:21 PM

Judging from the look on the pup's face he wasn't always on the left hip. Nope I'd say he moved there after being fed some beef stew!

#10 - Posted by: Moneyman on August 25, 2006 01:45 PM

Great post Frank, very funny.

And I agree, that should be outlawed... but then I am a dog lover anyway.

#11 - Posted by: Cary from Houston on August 25, 2006 02:12 PM

LOL Kent, I don't think it's just SarahK's hotness that keeps Frank in check... she's a crack shot too!!

#12 - Posted by: Amer-I-Can on August 25, 2006 02:23 PM

That poor dog is saying, "Drink me!"

#13 - Posted by: Glenn on August 25, 2006 04:30 PM

Whaddya think? I think she's tryin' to make her butt look bigger so more guys will stare at her. Innocent puppys should not be used as butt boosters!!!! And I stand by that belief. AS Ron Stoppable once said, "This goes beyond the realms of sick and wrong. This is wrong and sick!"

#14 - Posted by: LearntoDrawaLine on August 25, 2006 04:52 PM

The babe is perfect...very attractive and obviously not very smart...what more could a guy want? As for the dog...great caption!!!

#15 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on August 25, 2006 06:40 PM

Guys... It doesn't surprise me you think that way.. you wouldn't be guys if you'd do otherwise.

You just gotta love it, it always is a good laugh to read comments like that.

Thanks guys, you made my day :o)

#16 - Posted by: Nelly on August 25, 2006 08:12 PM

I'd post something here, but the testosterone level is high enough to drown in! 8-P

#17 - Posted by: SkyeChild on August 25, 2006 09:20 PM

Sweet Moses God in Heaven I would tear that mess UP.

Oh right, dogs. Yeah, that's not cool.

#18 - Posted by: Scooter Brown on August 26, 2006 12:22 AM

Nelly-

I bet you're hot...

...y'know, just playin'.

As for me?

No. *sigh*

Seriously.

#19 - Posted by: AlanABQ on August 26, 2006 03:30 AM

Hey Nelly-

I just perused your blog. YOU are an angel, too. I was right; you're not just hot, though... you're on fire for the heros.

#20 - Posted by: AlanABQ on August 26, 2006 03:53 AM

I've had cats that could kill that dog. My Akita could have swallowed it whole (God rest his angry soul).

It's just wrong to emasculate a dog through breeding like that. Just...wrong.

A blender would be a relief for that poor pup.

#21 - Posted by: on August 26, 2006 06:10 AM

LOL thanks AlanABQ haha ... you just made me laugh again.

As for the dogs, my parents have a German Shepard Cannel and are all about Schutzhunde. Damn try to do that to a German Shepard and he bites your ass LOL

#22 - Posted by: Nelly on August 26, 2006 09:27 AM

I know this is not to be taken seriously but just what is the motivation for this? Dogs NEED to be walked. If her dog can't keep up maybe she needs a bigger dog.

I really think they need a new name for these canine-lite animals. Pupcicles, Sub-dogs, Doggie-tots, no that sounds like food and although in some countries in the world that would be OK, I don't think it would fly here.
Of course if my Golden Retriever was small enough, he'd ride in it. He'd do almost anything I tell him to though, he's a happy, happy, happy dog.

#23 - Posted by: seanmahair on August 28, 2006 09:59 AM

I'd like to see that chick try that ass bag thing with a 100+ pound chocolate Labrador retriever.

That'd be a sight to see.

#24 - Posted by: NMUSpidey on August 28, 2006 07:40 PM

You're right about the wolf thing. I always say dogs come in one size.

#25 - Posted by: greg zywicki on August 29, 2006 11:29 AM

Comparison:

Canada:
Kiano Reeves, Eugene Levy, Michael J. Fox, Jim Carrey, Matthew Perry, DHT, EA Sports, Ubisoft, Nintendo, ATI, Logitech, Steve Nash. Invented in Canada: basketball and hockey...

USA:
George Bush

#26 - Posted by: on August 30, 2006 08:10 PM
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