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September 05, 2006
By Any Objective Measure, Islam Is for Losers
An Editorial by Frank J.
As you've probably seen, Al Qaeda is now trying to recruit everyone into Islam. I don't think that will work out too well, as they've yet to give any reason to join their happy fun religion other than that, if we don't, they may possibly one day successfully do another terrorist attack and kill a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of one percent of the non-Islamic population. It's telling their recruiting campaign sticks to empty threats rather than listing the merits of Islam, because, apparently, there just aren't any merits to list. "Were you to look at the conditions of Muslims versus non-Muslims, one can only conclude that God really doesn't like Islam." What is the average Muslim? Some guy who hasn't bathed in a week wearing a dress as he wanders the desert escorting a woman dressed like a ninja. What possible sane reason can someone name for me to want to be a part of that? Is there anything other than murderousness that Muslims succeed the rest of the population in? Have they contributed anything scientifically or culturally to the world in the past hundred years? They did get us to change our screening procedures at airports, but I'm stumped at coming up with anything more significant than that. To be sure, there are plenty of smart, productive Muslims... but they're all here in Western countries run by the non-Islamic. The more Islamic a country gets, the more Godforsaken it seems to be... which really doesn't speak well of the religion. Were you to look at the conditions of Muslims versus non-Muslims, one can only conclude that God really doesn't like Islam. I'm not saying that's true; I'm just saying that were one to observe things objectively, you're forced to conclude that. The Islamic countries are pretty much the worst countries out there. Like Robinson Crusoe, they're as primitive as can be (but more murderery). Do they even make those Korans they love to read, or are those done by independent presses here in the States? Do those dress-like garments they wear bear the labels "Made in Taiwan"? I really want to know. Sure, they do have oil, which, by itself, seems like a gift from God, but, when taken against everything else, it's more like a few nickels tossed at a beggar. It's like God gave the Islamic countries oil just to keep them around to laugh it. If it weren't for their oil, the rest of the world would pretty much ignore them while they slaughtered each other (though some entrepreneur might film some of the carnage to sell packaged along with Bum Fights). Now, I know the response to this: "Sure, Muslims don't seem very favored in this world, but wait until the rewards in the next." Now, I haven't read the Koran (it's next on my reading list after Tom Clancy's Op-Center XII: War of Eagles), but, apparently, if you blow yourself along with a room full of daycare students, you get 72 virgins in heaven. Thus, Islam seems to be out to attract sex perverts. Still, is 72 women whom you really want to spend all eternity with? I know I don't find it to be that great an idea. Eventually, you will get tired of the sex, and will any of these women be able to give interesting opinion on the latest episode of Battlestar Gallactica or be good competition for a game of Mario Kart? I don't know, and the Koran is silent on this issue. What I do know is, when my wife find me with 72 no-longer-virgins, heaven is going to become hell rather quickly. All in all, Islam seems to be full of a lot of murderous, barbaric, moron losers who obviously don't have any girlfriends. I don't know if Islam causes people to be murderous, barbaric, moron losers, but there certainly is a strong correlation between the two. Maybe Islam, as it now stands, happens to attract murderous, barbaric, moron losers while repelling kinder more intelligent people. I just don't know, but what I do know is that, at this time, I'm going to have to decline Al Qaeda's generous offer to join their religion which, by any objective measure, is quite crappy. Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as "Glances of the Legendary: New Documented Sighting of Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, and Moderate Muslims" and "The Scientific Contributions of Muslims in the Past One Hundred Years (Now with a Third Page of Pictures)". Yep, that pretty much sums it up. #1 - Posted by: paganinfidel on September 5, 2006 12:42 PMIslam is a religion of peace, and if you dont believe me I will KILL YOU ALL!!!!!!! #2 - Posted by: Guy Incognito on September 5, 2006 12:47 PM//Like Robinson Crusoe, they're as primitive as can be // Does this mean Osama Bin Laden = Gilligan? Bummer...I liked Gilligan. #3 - Posted by: shimauma on September 5, 2006 01:00 PMI thoroughly enjoyed your post, which sums it up accurately as far as I'm concerned. #4 - Posted by: Anonymous Complimenter on September 5, 2006 01:09 PMThe Muslim run countries seem to be trying to become more primitive every day. While the west looks to the future, Islam looks to the past. #5 - Posted by: Writer on September 5, 2006 01:18 PMWhat is the best recipe for some kind of samdwiches? #6 - Posted by: Hebert on September 5, 2006 01:22 PMAccomplishments? Masters at sharpening a Blade? Although you losers seem to both like capital pubishment, and are both strongly against homosexuality. and are both blind to science: evolution and global warming Carbon dioxide levels are substantially higher now than at any time in the last 800,000 years, the latest study of ice drilled out of Antarctica confirms. The in-depth analysis of air bubbles trapped in a 3.2km-long core of frozen snow shows current greenhouse gas concentrations are unprecedented. Also, cows are burping more because of an increasing lack of civility among them. today on the BBC. #8 - Posted by: a on September 5, 2006 02:10 PMa, Then again, I eat paint chips like there's no tomorrow. #9 - Posted by: Frank J. on September 5, 2006 02:28 PMAnonLiberal: You point out some areas where Muslims and Conservatives have some similar views, and you seem to think that those few areas outweigh the plethora of other areas where we disagree with Muslims. I have an idea for a sociological experiment that should help you see the differences more clearly. Part 1: Walk around any large US city in a burqa, eating some delicious falafel, and declaring openly your devotion to Allah. Next day, walk around in whatever stereotypically gay outfit you can come up with, be flamboyant, try to pick up guys, etc. Part 2: Walk around in Tehran and, if you're a woman, do not wear a burqa, and roam about without a male family member accompanying you. Eat a ham sandwich and declare your love for Jesus. Next day, walk around in whatever stereotypically gay outfit you can come up with, be flamboyant, try to pick up guys, etc. If you survive the 2nd part of this experiment, come back and report to us just how similar our societies are, how conservatives are just as intolerant as Muslims, etc. If you can still see real similarities and say so with a straight face, I'll eat some falafel. Also, since you devoted half your post to a random rant about global warming: I am a conservative, and I believe in global warming. What I DON'T believe is that humans are a significant factor. The world climate has undergone dramatic shifts LONG before the industrial age. Did you know that the most common greenhouse gas, at 95% of all greenhouse gases, is water vapor? So the carbon dioxide level is up a bit. Now instead of being a fraction of a percentage of the greenhouse gases, it's an infinitesimally larger fraction of a percentage. Clearly we're all doomed. #10 - Posted by: Knave on September 5, 2006 02:36 PMIslam makes me think of burping cows too. #11 - Posted by: Gunga on September 5, 2006 02:53 PMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...paint chips. #12 - Posted by: Homer on September 5, 2006 02:54 PMGreat new weapon idea for the GWOT. Load Burping Cows with paint chips, globally warm them with carbon dioxide and fling them at terrorists. #13 - Posted by: hwy93 on September 5, 2006 03:09 PMFrankJ you infidel pig dog. You do not understand the beauty and purity of Islam. Perhaps this poem will explain to you the true nature of my religion. Ya Allah forgive me "The more Islamic a country gets, the more Godforsaken it seems to be... which really doesn't speak well of the religion." This NEEDS to be on a t-shirt. #15 - Posted by: Rick on September 5, 2006 03:36 PMAllah's Servant, a Muslim man named Achmed dies and goes to heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter. "Welcome to Heaven Achmed" proclaims Saint Peter, "Let your hearts' desire be known." Well, replies Achmed, I am very anxious to meet Allah. "Very well, follow me" says Saint Peter. Achmed and Peter walk into a huge dining hall where a feast is being prepared. They sit down and Saint Peter asks Achmed what he would like to drink. "Nothing", replies Achmed. "Surely you must have something to drink" says Peter. No, Achmed exclaims, I thought we were going to meet Allah. "Yes, you will meet him very shortly," says Peter, "but first you must order a drink." Very well, said Achmed, I'll have tea. "So will I" says Peter, clapping his hands together loudly he shouts, "Allah, two teas." Islam's new motto: "Try Islam, it's craptastic!" #17 - Posted by: Mr. Islam on September 5, 2006 03:40 PMFrankJ wrote: "Islam seems to be full of a lot of murderous, barbaric, moron losers" Pot, meet kettle. Peace, Monkey Faced Liberal The mfl critter is being stupid again, though I realize that IS a regular state for it, it's not getting a that this statement "Islam seems to be full of a lot of murderous, barbaric, moron losers" is talking about barbaric moronic losers who are murderously trying to convert people to their way of thinking. I don't know any conservatives doing that. Conservatives only get murderous when people are ridiculously stupid, which I wouldn't consider moronic, but extremely practical and logical. #19 - Posted by: shimauma on September 5, 2006 05:06 PMPot meets Kettle: Pot: "Hello Kettle." Evolution actually is compatible with Islam, according to them, the goats and Islamic fanatics share a common ancestor. #21 - Posted by: evilconservative on September 5, 2006 05:21 PMMFL - That was great. Did you steal that one from Misha? I'm impressed by that totally original and not at all overused insult. #22 - Posted by: fmragtops on September 5, 2006 05:21 PMConcerning the homosexuality issue in Muslim countries, they have a saying: "Women are for babies, men are for fun." Tommy, I'm very much afraid it's "Women are for babies, *boys* are for fun." :-P After the Taliban were defeated in Afghanistan, as I recall, a joke was making the rounds: "Why do birds fly over Kabul using only one wing?" "So they can cover their butts with the other one!" #24 - Posted by: Mary in LA on September 5, 2006 09:05 PMIslam is a religion of chauvanism & repressed homosexuality. Their obsession with making their women dress like beekeepers isn't so that they aren't distracted from following allah; it's because they don't want to be distracted by a woman when they spot a really attractive unwashed hairy male escorting her to the market. I bet those "72 virgins" all have Adam's apples.... #25 - Posted by: AlanABQ on September 6, 2006 03:42 AMMFL you ignorant slut. Since you can obviously get your head waaaaay up yer ass perhaps you can get cable hooked up in there too. "Islam seems to be full of a lot of murderous, barbaric, moron losers". Read a paper, watch even the mudstream media, get a date with Katie couric. Who is killing, beheading, bobmbing , etc. A bunch of murderous, barbaric, moron losers who all happen to be muslims. We had a saying back in the day, "The only thing I feel when I kill is the recoil of my rifle." You are lucky you got kids willing to put their life on the line for dipshits like you. and you are a doo doo head. Great post Frank...got it linked... About the 72 virgins.... So, after the first day or two - when Ahmed has nailed 'em all; they're no longer virgins. Eternity is a long time, baby... #28 - Posted by: Tom on September 7, 2006 05:29 PMPost a comment
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Stumble It!
An Editorial by Frank J."