Dear Keith,

I don't understand your ratings? Why does Bill O continue to kick your ass when you have the real scoop - There are monkeys taking over the news! Gasp! And you continue to mire behind all the other cable shows.

I have a suggestion for you. Get Mr. Clinton to come on your show and the two of you could do some gay porn (passed of as a serious interview). That will surely increase your rating and then you can get the real story about monkeys out to a much wider audience!

Regards,

Mound, MN

Mr. Olberman -

Thank you for finally exposing Chris Wallace as the "monkey posing as a newscaster" that he is. I regret that I didn't see your comments live, but I made sure to read the transcript online. Thank you for your tireless work in exposing "people" like him.

I was, unfortunately, watching your competitor on the other channel at the time. While you were exposing that "monkey" Wallace, your competition had this to say:

"And I for one welcome our new monkey overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves."

Please continue to expose other monkeys lest our guards fall and the monkeys take over our planet. While some people are looking for the coming of "1984," we'll become the "Planet of the Apes" without realizing it.

Stephen

Done! Next task oh humble leader?

By (Curious) George, Keith!! I think you've got it!!! Press Monkeys! It all makes sense to me now! Keep digging, boy! I'm betting these are the same monkeys that Evil Republican Scientists infected with the AIDS virus!!! Here's another clue.....think Ronald Reagan and his Bonzo monkey movies. Go dig, boy. And don't come back until you have proof.

Patrick Scott
San Marcos CA

Steffen,
Maybe we should e-mail Chris Wallace to come out and apologize for being a monkey or provide evidence that he is, in fact, not a monkey.

Here's my mail:

Dear Mr. Olberman,

I would like to take a a little time out of my day to express my gratitude to your exposure to the truth behind Chris Wallace and his dumb monkey face.

AS a daily reader of http://IMAO.us I have worked hard to becomming a loyal ronin and have a duity to my master to fulfil. He has given us orders to personally thank you for your work.

If you would be so kind as to give me Mr. Wallace's home address so I can also punch a dumb monkey in his dumb monkey face. This will allow me to reach the next step closer to becomming one with the nuking of the moon.

Yours
Steffen Caldwell
Germany (the land of the never ending dumb monkey face)

"Steffen,
Maybe we should e-mail Chris Wallace to come out and apologize for being a monkey or provide evidence that he is, in fact, not a monkey."

AHHH the old libtard tactic of pre-accusation put him on the defence. Briliant!!

The master has so spoken. So it shall be done. (or some kind of old speak like that)

Dear Mr. Wallace,
You go boy! You are not a monkey and I love the fact that you asked the question that every other real media monkey wouldn't because they would never want to offend Mr. Clinton, their precious monkey leader. Yeah Fox News Channel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just sent out:

Dear Mr. Wallace,

it has come to my attention that you are an evil monkey working for and with other evil monkies to overthrow a justly elected administration. I am demanding a comment from you on this subject! If you are indead a monkey I find that fact disgusting and repungent. You need to have your dumb monkey face punched. I am just the right person for the job as I live in Germany a country full of dumb monkey faces that I punch all day every day! My father has also punched dumb monkeys in their dumb monkey faces in Germany, France, Koera, Vietnam and many other countries. My father has shown me the way to being a true puncher of dumb monkey faces.

So you had better show us the proof that you are not a monkey with a dumb monkey face or your dumb monkey face will in fact be punched!

A never have been nor will be a fan

Steffen Caldwell

So it was ordered so it has been done.

Next! (maybe something a little more difficult)

Dear Mr. Olbermann,

Thank you so much for exposing Mr.Wallace as a monkey! I always had my suspicions that there was something simian about the "man". I have never been ignorant of the threat that monkeys pose to our great nation. Made less great, I might add, by the Rethuglicans in our midst who I suspect are not human based on their leader, Chimpy McBu$hitler.

Continue to expose the monkeys in our midst, great man! Do not let their monkey overlords gain control. Go and demonkify!

(I also never trusted the Monkies. It might seem a bit obvious, but they say the best place to hide something - like being a monkey - is in plain sight.)

- Silver
http://www.imao.us/archives/006284.html

An infinite number of Monkeys with an infinite amount of crap to throw at an infinite number of typewriters. I finally understand the New York Times.

Dear Monkey Wallace,

I would just like to take this opportunity to say you are a credit to all monkeys every where. No other monkey has managed to attain the position of responsibility that you have achieved. Congratulations, keep up the great work.

I would also like to express my pleasure with FOX News for stretching the blanket of diversity to cover our monkey friends. I am sure that none of the other news stations have even a single monkey on staff, although I believe they do employ a few trolls.

Methinks there's a 28 Days Later/"rage infected monkeys" joke in here somewhere....

Here's my submission, O Puncher Of Dumb Monkey Faces!

Dear Mr. Olbermann:

Thank you for your tireless efforts in the exposing of the hidden monkey menace. We readers of IMAO have long known the threat that is posed by monkeys infiltrating the halls of power in our nation.

It was a sad, sad day when Chimpy McBu$hitler was elected to office. I was sure that soon we would soon be enslaved by the malevolent monkey overlords. Though I have noticed a shortage of banannas at the evil monkey store, Wal-Mart, but through your tireless efforts to expose those monkeys living amongst us, trying to subjicate man-kind has kept the evil monkey overlords from binding us in the shackles of forced servitude.

Mr. Olbermann, you are the MANN! You stood up to Chris "Monkey Man" Wallace by speaking truthiness to primates. Thank you for your efforts in furthering the IMAO endeavor of ending the evil Monkey Menace!

Someone Whose Never Watched You Since You Left ESPN,
fmragtops

Mr. Wallce:

I assure you...I will find the individual responsible for outing you as one of my operatives...you can rest easy that someone will be taught why they fear the dark! It was probably Frank J at http://imao.us

Darth Monkeybone
Admiral, 5th Imperial Fleet
Lord of the Sithmonkeys

P.S.
Next time Mr. Clinton wags his finger in your face, bite it off.

--
http://www.coldfury.com
Posting as: Sithmonkey

Mr. Wallce:

I assure you...I will find the individual responsible for outing you as one of my operatives...It was probably Frank J at http://imao.us

You can rest easy that someone will be taught why they fear the dark!

Darth Monkeybone
Admiral, 5th Imperial Fleet
Lord of the Sithmonkeys

P.S.
Next time Mr. Clinton wags his finger in your face, bite it off.

--
http://www.coldfury.com
Posting as: Sithmonkey

This is the letter I sent to Keith Olbermann before I found out about this assignment:

Dear Mr. Olbermann,
I am writing to ask if you will retire and start selling seeds by e-mail in accordance with your own advice to Chris Wallace. You long ago sold out to the far left of the Democratic Party and continue to be a spokesman for them on your show. You long ago sold out your journalistic integrity. Therefore I call on you to follow your own advice and retire so you can start selling seeds by e-mail. I look forward to your first spam advertisement, upon reading I will laugh hysterically and then delete.

Sincerely,
[Sixth Sense]
Chesapeake, VA

Olberdude is just trying out for press secretary in the Hillary Whitehouse.

Subject: Evil Monkies Posing as Journalists
To: KOlbermann@msnbc.com
Keith you ignorant slut. You sucked when you were on ESPN and you suck out loud now that you are a television journalist. You have navigated your ship of state to the bottom of the ratings since the inception of your, hmmm, let's use the word program to be nice. Are you and Bill and item? I thought it was impossible for someone with a swelled up head to be able to cram it any further up Bill's butt.

You are nothing but a political hack, so go on the air and annouce to that your listener . While I must give you props for pointing out that Chris Wallace is a monkey, I was wondering if you will follow up that news falsh with a story on Mike Wallace, who obviously must be his monkey dad. It might be a good idea a could possibly increase your audience twofold, you know, two people.

You owe America an apology, not to mention MSNBC. And you are a doo doo head.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr. Olderman,

I just finished watching your very nice program on my videola. You said something that sparked my attention. You said that that nice Chris Wallace was a donkey. Why did you do that? I mean his father is a well-known liberal but that doesn't mean that this nice young man is a Democrat. Or did you mean that you think he is a real donkey? In that case I think you need to get new glasses or have your medication adjusted. Now I once saw a movie with a talking mule in it and I think a mule is another name for a donkey and it made me laugh so much because you know that mules and donkeys can't really talk. Now if that nice young man is really a donkey, why did that fat old man with the gin-blossom get so mad at him? I mean, it's not nice to be mean to animals. It makes me want to yell, "Hey! You great big fat pervert loooking angry-man! Stop yelling at that poor animal! Don't you know how hard it is for a donkey to hold down a job in the television business?"

Also, I think you need more sleep dear. You seem to be coming apart at the seams...and for a man your age, that can be dangerous. What are you...a hundred and...? Is it in the teens? Still, it must be nice to know that if this videola thing doesn't work out for you, you can always go back to your roots and do commercials for the hoveround.

Yours truly,

Emily Monkeyface

P.S. - Please don't forget to check your meds, hon.

Dear Genius Olbermann Person,

Not to worry Olbermann some of us IMAO commenters support you. None of the commentors do but they are pretty much hopeless. The worst offenders are the ones who know the truth but continue to support Bush anyway and spread the lies even though they know damn well the Iraq War is a disaster, the country is far worse off under Bush and that the admnistration tells massive lies to U.S. citizens with alarming frequency. They know Bush totally sucks at fighting terror but they are desperate for the fear and terror to continue. Without an enemy to fear these IMAO commentors feel pathetic and worthless. These folks are part of the movement started by Leo Strauss. They are the true hardcore believers. They love the anti-intellectual neocon movement and embrace it. They act on almost pure emotion and not facts. Ignore their ignorance and continue to report the truth about the clown-like Bush administration.

Dear Mr. Olbermann:

In response to your "masquerading monkey" comment re: Mr. Wallace:

The media was long ago taken over by monkeys!!! Helen Thomas ring a bell!!!??!! DUHHHHHH!! You ssooooo don't have a scoop here....

Your friend,
Herr Morgenholz
Token Aryan of imao.us

Sarcasm Man's elevator doesn't go to the top floor...but at least he isn't into correcting spelling and grammar...although even that would be an improvement over whatever it is that he thinks he's doing. Are you a talking donkey sarcasman? If you are, out of which orifice do you speak? If not, never mind. Speaking of lying to the public, did you have sex with that woman or do you merely long for the day when a woman doesn't recoil in abject/hysterical terror at the thought?

If Sarc-man ever tried to read Strauss, his head would explode. Dude, you should think about expanding your education beyond Wikipedia.

And what's up with kicking the dead Joooooooo? Uhhhh, nevermind, I think I answered my own question.....

How can Keith Olbermann do a TV show with his face so far up Clinton's ass?

HerrMorgenholz, I'm not so sure that I'd describe Helen Thomas as a "monkey". The word is waaaayy too cute. "Ape" is probably more accurate.

Mister Olbermann:

I am a college student at Clemson University, and a long believer in
the conspiracy that our media has been secretly hijacked by fearsome
primates. I am pleased to find that me and my fellow
ape-conspiracists have found a fellow believer in such a highly
regarded position as yourself. I know that combining your
journalistic integrity with our man-power, we can overthrow this
brutal regime before they eat all of our banananananananananas.

I also have from a reliable source that Gwyn Stefani is a monkey
secretly posing as a singer, given her tendancy to sing about their
most sought after delectable. I think you should have her on your
program and accost her for her participation in this most ignomnious
plot.

Signed,

Andrew Davis
Clemson University, '07

"These folks are part of the movement started by Leo Strauss."--Sarcass

Yep. Luv them jeans.

"I'm not so sure that I'd describe Helen Thomas as a "monkey". The word is waaaayy too cute. "Ape" is probably more accurate."--IllTemperedCur

Can we agree on lemur? I'm just sayin'....

Herr Morgenholz

I know lemurs. I've worked with lemurs. And, Helen Thomas is no lemur.

Now, Larry King maybe...

Actually I think that Olberdone is doing the ex-president a favor. While his head is up there he is checking to see if Clinton has any polyps.

Based on visuals alone, orangutan seems more fitting, but it's quite a mouthful. Try saying it three times fast. Barely possible when sober, much less after a couple of Guinness.

But lemur definitely rolls off the tongue better. And it's pronounceable when inebriated. Yeah, I'll go with that.