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September 28, 2006
Don't Answer the Door!
With the new torture compromise, I bet many of you are worried that federal agents will now be able to drag you out of your home, tie you to a chair, and beat you with a wiffle ball bat in the groin until you confess to crimes you never committed. And this indeed will happen. Actually, if you hear a knock at the door, that's probably them now. You may think that torturing terrorists is a necessary evil to stop further attacks, but let's see what you think when the bat connects with your groin. FULL DISCLOSURE: I've recently been to Andrew Sullivan's blog and I think some of the hysteria rubbed off 23 Responses To "Don't Answer the Door!"
I think that's just speculation on your part, Spacemonkey. I think he's one big vag... oh, sorry. Must.keep.it.clean. #2 - Posted by: vootie on September 28, 2006 11:35 AMIn my case it would hurt much since I have a pair...big ones...real big ones...:) #3 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on September 28, 2006 11:50 AMBeating up terrorists is not the government's job. It's MY job. oh wait, it's both. never mind. #4 - Posted by: HKPistole on September 28, 2006 11:57 AMyet anuther stoopid unfunny post from the dum stoopid homo heelbilly neocon jues! y anywun cum heer i dunno. i guess dere r many dum stoopids i weel hav to hit with my poo! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH #5 - Posted by: Scary Evil Monkey on September 28, 2006 12:11 PMScary Evil Monkey, Frank J. - Thanks a lot! You got me so scared with all that talk of wiffle-ball-battery that I just wasted two Jehovah's Witnesses. What do I do with the bodies? #7 - Posted by: Gunga on September 28, 2006 01:09 PMGunga - I suggest that you mail them to Keith Olbermann. #8 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on September 28, 2006 01:12 PMGunga- Pike them on your front lawn. That'll deter the next wave of the Watchtower Wackos. But don't bet on it discouraging the Mormons. Scary Evil Monkey- Are you British? Just look at those teeth! #9 - Posted by: AlanABQ on September 28, 2006 01:18 PMGunga: Do you know anyone with a pig-farm? #10 - Posted by: fmragtops on September 28, 2006 01:48 PMHey, I'll trade you one Witness for an Avon lady. By the way, my first post here! Do I get a membership card and more importantly, when do the checks start coming from the EVIL JOONEOCONs? #11 - Posted by: 96Boiler on September 28, 2006 02:35 PMSorry - false alarm. They were just canvassers for some local politician. We can just leave them at the curb. Waste management has a program... fmragtops - let's not bring my family into this... #12 - Posted by: Gunga on September 28, 2006 02:53 PMGunga, just make sure they look "Awake!" You should have waited for the Mormons, because you get a free bicycle, and they get pretty nice bikes these days. As far as the bodies, drag them behind the nearest Kingdom Hall and pin a note on them reading "shunned". #13 - Posted by: Tommy the Towelhead on September 28, 2006 04:17 PMJust be sure to video tape it so you can send it in to America's Funniest Home Videos. You could win $10,000! #14 - Posted by: jonag on September 28, 2006 05:01 PM96Boiler, Karl Rove will be getting in touch with you soon. #15 - Posted by: SilverBubble on September 28, 2006 05:45 PMKarl (he requested that I call him that) contacted me and funds will be directly deposited into my account. Goodness I love JOOOOOOOOOOO direct deposit! He did say someting about a trip to Venezuela before I could get the card, but I've got some vacation time coming up. #16 - Posted by: 96Boiler on September 28, 2006 07:57 PM96Boiler, You'll aslso be getting your official "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy" membership card in the mail soon, along with a button that reads "Gulf War Veteren. Ask me what I think of the media." Wear it, and the libs will avoid you like the plague... (Knock-knock) ...Excuse me a minuit... (Click...creek) ...hello? Hah! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Whew! What a relief! For a minuit there, I thought it was the government agents weilding wiffle bats! #17 - Posted by: Wolfman Dan on September 28, 2006 08:12 PMFor the Love of God, Please never use the phrase "rubbing off" in the same sentence as "Andrew Sullivan" again. #18 - Posted by: dpatten on September 29, 2006 12:04 AMTed Kennedy may be willing to drive them off a bridge if you offer him a drink. #19 - Posted by: Mary Jo on September 29, 2006 07:42 AMits not the whiffle ball bats, its the scary evil monkey wielding it. #20 - Posted by: Writer on September 29, 2006 08:41 AMIf it's the SE Monkey, just keep a bunch of bananas at the door along with a sledge hammer. When he goes for the bananas, let him have it. That hollow sound you hear is the vibrations echoing through the vast unused cavity that should have housed his brain. When you have a brain the size of a grass seed, there's lots and lots of room for reverberation. #21 - Posted by: seanmahair on September 29, 2006 10:25 AMI went over to DailyKos to see what the hub-bub was all about. I don't get it. What, they can now water and grow terrorists? OMG! BUSH IS MAKING TERRORISTS TO PLANT IN IRAQ TO JUSTIFY IS WAR FOR OIL SCHEME!! (images here: http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2006/9/28/23614/7306) catsgodot...good one...almost made me cut and paste! but then i looked at the URL at the last minute and now I don't have to take a shower at 2:30 in the morning... no i'm not im-ing 16 year old pages while my wife sleeps... #23 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on September 30, 2006 03:36 AMPost a comment
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