 |
|
|
|
About IMAO Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!  Buy funniest book ever!  IMAO Podcasts IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter
 Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!
About IMAO
If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK. About Frank J. Bloggers: Frank J. Harvey RightWingDuck Cadet Happy spacemonkey Laurence Simon SarahK Popular Categories
Fred Thompson FactsJohn Edwards Fabulous Facts lolterizt IMAO Condensed Know Thy Enemy Editorials Frank the Artist In My World Other Content
Ode to ViolenceBrief Histories IMAO Audio Bits  Read the Essay Own the Shirt Peace Gallery Search IMAO
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds "Unfunny treasonous ronin!" -Lou Tulio* "You, sir, are a natural born killer." -E. Harrington "You'll never get my job! Never!!!" -Jonah Goldberg "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO." -No One of Consequence "A blogger with a sense of humor." -Some Woman on MSNBC Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQThe Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Blackfive Captain's Quarters Classical Values Conservative Grapevine The Corner The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!) Dave in Texas Eject! Eject! Eject! Electric Venom Hot Air Puppy Blender La Shawn Barber's Corner Michelle Malkin Pereiraville Protein Wisdom Rachel Lucas Right Wing News Scrappleface Serenity's Journal Townhall Blog IMAO Blogroll Bad Example Cadet Happy The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles mountaineer musings Right Wing Duck  This Blog Is Full of Crap Fred Thompson Links Fred File Blogs for Fred Fred Thompson Facts Awards
|
October 09, 2006
The Only Effective Compromise to End Our Illegal Immigration Problem Is to Destroy Mexico
An Editorial by Frank J.
The United States of America has a huge problem with illegal immigration. Many say this is the fault of America for being so super awesome that everyone wants in. This is a valid criticism. The current proposal to handle the problem is to build a wall along the Mexican border. Of course, natural selection means we'll then cause a new breed of super-Mexicans to evolve and jump over the wall. They will not only do the jobs Americans are unwilling to do, they will do the jobs we are physically incapable of. So, what is the solution? Some say we should deport all the illegal immigrants here now, but there are millions making that infeasible. Others say we should let anyone in who wants to be here, but then we lose our border and finally our sovereignty and national security. The only real compromise I can see is to destroy all of Mexico. "Isn't destroying Mexico the same thing as amnesty?" I know many of you are thinking "Isn't destroying Mexico the same thing as amnesty?" Since Mexicans in our country would now have no where to be deported to, they would effectively get amnesty. But, we could be sure they will be loyal to America since they have no other country to be loyal to. Why do marches with a flag of a non-existent country? Also, having utterly destroyed Mexico leaving nothing but murky water filled with radioactive sharks, we could be sure no more illegal immigration will come from the south. Thus, both sides get something they want: the pro-illegal immigration is assured that Mexicans who came here just to better their families get to stay, and the anti-illegal-immigration people get to know that no more dirty Mexicans will be flowing into the country. You're probably now wondering how much will this innovative solution cost? Well, the cost of the nuclear weapons needed to completely obliterate Mexico will be more than the cost of the wall, but, those are resources we own now and have already paid for. Others, especially illegal-alien sympathizers, may worry how many innocent Mexicans will die because of this. The answer is none, because no Mexicans are innocent in my mind. Still, we will give Mexico warning, and station our troops on our border so the Mexicans are forced to flee to Venezuela... or whatever is south of them. Check a map yourself, I'm busy. Now, unfortunately, this solution will not work for any border problems we have with Canada. While Mexico only produces burritos and Thus, we see the solution to our problem of illegal immigration is as simple as bombing the crap out of one of our neighbors. This compromise will let hard working Mexicans stay with no worries of being deported while making sure we no longer have anymore influx of illegals. Thus, everyone is happy, and, as with all my plans, there is no downside. So write your Congressman and let's get a bipartisan commission working on this right away. Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as "How Many Countries Is Too Many?" and "The History of the Burrito: How the Tortilla Wrapped Delicacy Was Stolen from the Irish by Thieving Mexicans and How the Irish Forgot About It Due to Heavy Drinking". >Why do marches with a flag of a non-existent country? Good question to ask the "palestinians", too. #1 - Posted by: Francesco Poli on October 9, 2006 12:51 PMFrank,as I wear my Nuke the Moon T-shirt I love the idea, but how about this instead? Bobnormal- Forgive me if my memory is faulty on this, but wasn't "Enforcing the proper rules of grammar" one of the 23 reasons for invading Iraq? #3 - Posted by: Rick on October 9, 2006 01:08 PMjust bomb Quebec ... and Ottawa, and maybe Toronto. Western Canada has been pro-US basically forever, it's the east that is reminiscent of New York City and Kkkalifornia. Let me be the first one to say I am 100% behind this idea. I have been saying this for years. Turning Mexico in to the largest DMZ in history is def something I can support. Now if only our leaders would have to say or do what we are all thinking. #5 - Posted by: Giovanni on October 9, 2006 01:26 PMno bombing of hockey rinks, or you will be denied sex forever! #7 - Posted by: sarahk on October 9, 2006 01:51 PM"Also, having utterly destroyed Mexico leaving nothing but murky water filled with radioactive sharks, we could be sure no more illegal immigration will come from the south." Ooooh can we attach lasers to their heads??? #8 - Posted by: Dougo on October 9, 2006 02:24 PMWhy not just move our border south like Polk wanted to do 150+ years ago? We occupied Mexico City once before. It's a win-win situation - the Mexicans get to live in a America without even having to move. They get classified as a territory rather than a state, so their representation in Congress is limited. We get their resources; they have to start paying taxes (no more golden parachute of "deportation" - screw up now, and you go to jail.) Everybody wins! #9 - Posted by: Beo on October 9, 2006 02:31 PMI'm sorry, Frank, but I can't get behind this idea... Why? Radioactive mutants! I don't care how many bombs we drop on Oxasaueaxau (or however the hell they spell it, would someone teach them Mexicans decent English?), a few Mexicans will survive and, of course, having been pelted by gamma rays (or thetons or something, hey, I'm no scientist, I got all of this from comic books) will undoubtedly develop super powers. Now, what's worse than a bunch of foreigners marching in your streets demanding that you forgive them for crimes they committed for no better reason than they say you should? I'll tell you... A bunch of foreigners doing all of that with some guy named Juan who can bend steel with his bare hands and who can maybe even eat burritos and excrete tequila (or some other Mexican drink like that cervantes I hear so much about.) No, I don't think nuking Mexico is a good idea because if we did, in three years we would have 13 million illegals and a handful of super-illegals. It would be like haveing the Fantastic Quatro running around the USA. NO thanks! #10 - Posted by: keith on October 9, 2006 02:38 PM"...because no mexicans are innocent in my mind." Brilliant. #11 - Posted by: shaggy dave on October 9, 2006 02:54 PMI love your suggestions, Frank. I do have one point of contention, however that needs clarification. Mexicans would seem to me to be anti-Homo being into the machismo thing and all…Canadians would appear to be pro-Homo being…well…Canadian and all so would this perspective grant Mexico a reprieve from nuking and would it make Canada more nukable? Just wondering… #12 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on October 9, 2006 03:23 PMI object! Frank your being unreasonable. A little discretion is called for. Nuking all of Mexico is much more than necessary to stop the immigration problem. My prior suggestion to nuke just Juarez would be quite sufficient scare the piss out of the Mexicans, and stop the flood of immigrants. Juarez is the bung hole of the entire Western Hemisphere anyway. Besides, nuking the whole country would cause too much fallout. Shame be on you Frank, for such a callous display of unnecessary violence and bigotry. Shame be on you Frank, for thinking such awful things. May the detritus of a thousand monkeys be flung in your general direction! Nuking Juarez would create severe unemployment problems for entertainment industry donkeys. #14 - Posted by: Moneyman on October 9, 2006 04:48 PMNow that we have come to an agreement on the "mexican problem" now may be we can finaly focus on the greater, whiter, problem. I am of course talking about canadiEns. I dont to this day understand why this so called country (canada) exists. I mean... what do they do? Other of course than emberass us to no end. Come on legal pot smoking and gay marriage? Whats next a terrorist sanctuary? or a draft dodger memorial? I say we send one tank in to the capital of canada (Toronto, no its not ottowa that is what they want you to beleive) and we bring that god forsaken land something they need more than mapple syrup and beavers, American Democracy. #15 - Posted by: Giovanni on October 9, 2006 05:03 PMGiovanni, I agree...we here in Minnesota are plagued with the Canadian scourge pouring accross our border taking jobs that we Minnesotans won't do (waiter at the Gay 90's for example) and they keep dumping their stoopid currency into our local exchange which makes the quarter worth as much as a steel slug up here in the cities... #16 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on October 9, 2006 06:04 PMOh, but we could nuke Canada. We just have to take the proper steps and let logic guide us. 1) Recall that illegal immigrants do the jobs Americans don't want to do (can I get an AMEN!?). 2) Nuke Canada. 3) Send in illegal immigrants to harvest the oil. They'll do it if the translation is, er, loose. 4) Watch the illegals die of radiation sickness. Mmmm, oil. 5) Nuke Mexico. Ta-da! We'll be surrounded by DMZs! #17 - Posted by: SilverBubble on October 9, 2006 11:18 PMThe REAL Mexican national anthem, to the tune of "Himno Nacional" "Mexicanos, al grito de dinero, Go easy on Canada, there's a lot of French descended folks up there and any group that invented the blow job can't be all bad! #20 - Posted by: Subvet on October 10, 2006 05:46 AMI knoo eet! I knoo eet! I tolt everyjuan dat chu were gonieeng to do dese. First chu blowed up Mexico reel good, den chu move furder sout. And doan forget Boosh es de debil! Oh. by de whey, chu can have more free heating oil for all dee commies in harlem. #21 - Posted by: Hugo Chavez on October 10, 2006 08:46 AMLets take a page from history. Hire all of the illegals to build pyramids in the desert. Once the pyramids are complete, fill them with the illegals and seal them shut. No radiation, no illegals and we incorporate Mexico as South California and South Texas. #22 - Posted by: Writer on October 10, 2006 09:55 AMWhat about the radiation and the fallout and the glavening over the harf-harf naven...oh the heat and the pain of the skin falling off... #23 - Posted by: Professor Frink on October 10, 2006 10:18 AMUSSJC- how do you like the cold weather in MN? 32° F this morning! Snow tomorrow, depending on location. #24 - Posted by: on October 10, 2006 10:30 AMWe don't have to nuke Mexico. Just get them to start buying American Spinach and Lettuce. No muss no fuss. Still a sterling idea Frank and SarahK way to go sister. I like your style. #25 - Posted by: seanmahair on October 10, 2006 10:46 AMWe live up here where it gets cold because it keeps all the smelly hippies and dirty mexicans out...too bad about all the monkey faces... #26 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on October 10, 2006 12:42 PMCan you imagine? A world with no hippies... Oh, do I dare dream? #27 - Posted by: Giovanni on October 10, 2006 12:47 PMUnfortunately, we need to keep hippies around as part of our strategic petroleum reserve. I'd suggest rounding them all up and putting them in storage at ANWR, except that would really by an environmental disaster. If one of those dreadlocks lands in the Arctic Ocean, the slick will go for hundreds of miles. #28 - Posted by: Tommy the Towelhead on October 10, 2006 07:00 PMWhere can I get a copy of that book, "The History of the Burrito"??? That one sounds truly Deeeelish! (with a side of salsa). #29 - Posted by: Roger on October 11, 2006 04:34 PMPost a comment
|
Buy IMAO T-Shirts 
 
 
IMAO T-Shirts
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe (winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!! Yay! Books!
Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24American Idol Aqua-Adventures Barackalypse Now Best of IMAO 2002 Best of IMAO 2006 Bite-Sized Wisdom Editorials Election 2008 Filthy Lies Frank Answers Frank Discussions Frank on Guns Frank Reads the Bible Frank the Artist Fred Thompson Facts Friday Cat-Blogging Fun Trivia Hellbender Hellbender Take Two Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths Humor I Hate Frank If I Were President ignis fatuous IMAO Condensed IMAO Exclusives IMAO for the Non-Deaf IMAO Reviews IMAO Think Tank In My World In My World - Fan Fiction John Edwards Fabulous Facts Know Thy Enemy lolterizt Michael Moore Mitt Romney Ads News Round-Up Newsish Fakery No, McCain't Our Military Permalink Contest Precision Guided Humor Assignments Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul Ronin Profiles Ronin Thought of the Day SarahK's TV stuff Scary Evil Monkey Simpsons Trivia Songs & Poems State of the Frank Report Superego Totally True Tidbits WEsistance Is Facile Why Me Laugh? Yvonne's Ashes By Month
December 2008September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 March 1933
|
Stumble It!
An Editorial by Frank J."