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October 27, 2006
Jim Webb Writes Dirty Pedophile Literature
Posted by RightWingDuck at 11:19 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (19)

Many of you aren't familiar with the literary works of Jim Webb, Democratic Senate Candidate for Virginia.
Turns out that Jim Webb wrote some bad books which featured the phrase Monkey Face, plus used some "bad words" referring to black people, and featured father-toddler fellatio. Personally, I'm glad to see the Democrats still stand for family values.

Of course, I never want to take anything out of context, so here, without permission, is a complete reprinting of the segments in question.

From the book: Daddy's Little Boy is All Grown Up

Jim was a war veteran and glad to be back on this sunny tropic beach. As he walked along looking at the water, he thought to himself, 'Could it be possible one day that the ocean levels would rise because of man's insane desire to create more and more biodiesel fuels, leading to a greenhouse effect that would raise the levels of the ocean sea?" Then off in the distance he saw his young son running toward him. The boy was 4 maybe 5 years old, depending on the state's age of consent. As they hugged, he took off his son's pants, as oddly enough, really bad chickawomp womp guitar music played in the background.


From the non racist Jim Webb (D) book: Johnny and the Jigaboo

Johnny looked at her and her monkey face. Did he say monkey? that would be insulting as nobody in their right mind could think that people descended from monkeys or anything. What he meant to think was that she was more like a macaca - a species or genus of monkey, he wasn't sure but didn't feel like looking it up as that would cause more work and ruin the tender moment.

He looked at her, "I'll have to leave this exotic bar area and go find a knife to use to cut up this banana."

She put down her peanuts and looked at him seductively. "I have a better way of slicing a banana." She then put it down beneath the table where it couldn't be seen by Johnny or anyone reading this under the age of 13. "Here," she said. And gave him back his banana in four slices.

"Wow. That was great. Now slice THIS!." He handed her a cantaloupe.


From the Women Respecting book by Jim Webb called "Shake your ass back to that kitchen."

Margaret was tired of all her hard work. "I cook and cook for you and you never eat anything. All you do is sit there and look at those young boys on the beach frolicking."

I worry about them. I worry about them and having older men send them flirty messages which might corrupt those young kids. Anyway, why should you have an opinion? You're just a woman. In this day and age, women don't have the same rights as men. They never will. Now wiggle your butt to the living room and turn on some Monday Night Football."

She walked away angry and upset, her gigantic, glistening bosoms heaving from anger.


Dear IMAO readers, this is obviously a plot by Karl Rove and it will soon be exposed as such. I think it's shameful that the Republicans are resorting to quoting from books written by Mr. Webb when they were very obviously written for the general public and not meant for conservative consumption. I'm not sure, but it's safe to guess that we are somehow violating Mr. Webb's (and the American public's) privacy.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

Rating: 2.4/5 (24 votes cast)

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