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November 08, 2006
In My World: We Want a Rock
"Well... that sucked." Dick Cheney leaned back in his chair. "Maybe you suck." Bush jumped to his feet. "No! You suck!" He turned to hooded figure of Karl Rove. "I thought you were rigging the Diebold machines!" "Well... they were more complex than I foretold. Plus, you suck." "You suck!" Bush shouted back, but Rove had disappeared back into the shadows. "Why don't we stop fighting and just admit we all suck," Condoleezza Rice suggested. "Well, people seem to like me," Tony Snow said. Everyone in the room glared at him. "Get the hell out of here, Tony!" Tony shrugged and headed out of the room. "Fine. Didn't want to be around you losers anyway." Part of the wall began to disintegrate as if the atoms themselves were being torn apart. Through the hole stepped Joe Lieberman. "I have power beyond imagination!" Lieberman exclaimed. "That's super," Bush said unenthusiastically. "The balance of the Senate now rests in my hands! I have such power that I can even bend space and time!" A disgusting creature then came scampering in behind Lieberman, crouched over and looking quite pathetic. "What's that?" Bush asked. "That's one of those fool bloggers who tried to stand against me," Lieberman said darkly. "I have used my new power to enslave him. His job is to lick my shoes." "Have mercy on poor Moulitsas!" the wretched thing pleaded. "Do pity me!" "No!" Lieberman punched the thing in the face. "Ever think about joining the Republicans?" Bush asked Lieberman hopefully. Lieberman thought for a moment. "No... you guys are kinda a bunch of losers." Bush leapt to his feet once more. "You're a loser!" With a wave of his hand, Lieberman sent Bush flying back against the wall. Lieberman then turned and left with the pitiful creature following close behind. Bush dusted himself off. "What's Pelosi doing now, anyway?" "I think having her face stretched," Condi said. Bush shuddered. "I can't deal with her; I'm always afraid she's going to shoot blood out of her eyes at me. I'll need people to check in on the Congress for me." He looked to the door and shouted, "Interns!" Bill and Jill the interns came running. "Hey!" Bill the intern exclaimed. "Aren't elections exciting?" "I still haven't calmed down from voting," Jill the intern said. "Yay!" "I know things didn't turn out as you wanted, President Bush," Bill the interned said, "but you should still be happy because democracy is fan-tastic!" Jill the intern jumped up and down. "Yay democracy! Yay America!" Bush groaned. "Whatever. I need you to talk to the crazy Democrats in Congress for me. Be careful of Pelosi; she may try to suck the marrow from your bones." "We won't let you down, President Bush," Bill the intern assured him. "Hooray! I love going to the Capitol!" Jill the intern shouted as the two left. "I really hope they die." Bush looked to his staff. ""Well, I better talk to the American people now and tell them what's what." "You going to tell them you suck?" Cheney asked. "You suck!" * * * * Bush sat at his desk in the Oval Office and looked into the camera. "Hello, American peoples. I see you decided to elect some Democrats yesterday. Fine; you can do what you want, I guess. I mean, you elected me twice. Still, I am your president and am very powerful." He shook his finger at the camera. "Do not anger me. I will bomb you from the sky just like I bombed countless others. "As for the Democrats, they may have the House and even the Senate, but I still have my... VETO PEN!" Bush held up his pen proudly. "That's a crayon!" Condi shouted from behind the camera. Bush looked at it. "Sky blue... oh." He dropped it and started rifling through the drawers in his desk. "It's around here somewhere; I mean, I think I used it once." He stopped searching and faced the camera. "Well, I do have a veto pen, and I will find it. That's a warning to Democrats. And I also have this." He held up a jagged rock. "This is the rock I bash Democrats in the head with if they make me mad." He shook the rock at the camera. "Don't make me mad! "Now, many of you may wonder what will happen with the terrorists. Well, I will still pursue them, and, if the Democrats get in my way, I will use my veto pen and my Democrat bashing rock. When I get to the terrorists, I'll bash them with my terrorist bashing rock!" He looked around. "Where is it?" Condi held up a rock. "Is this it?" "No; that's my hippy bashing rock." Condi found a bloodstained rock. "Is this it?" "That's it. Gimmee gimmee!" Condi handed over the rock. "It needs to be cleaned." "I can't clean it or it won't be lucky anymore." Bush turned to the camera and shook the bloody rock at it. "I will find you and I will bash you with this rock, terrorists! Don't think the Democrats will stop me! If Reagan could still fight the Soviets with a Democratic Congress, then I can still find you terrorists and bash you with a rock even with Pelosi against me!" "Yeah, but that was Reagan and you're you," Condi said. "Shut up!" Bush shouted. "Don't make me find a Condi rock!" "Whatever. You done with this? I'm going to go get some lunch." "Can you pick me up something?" "No." Condi walked off. "I'm still powerful!" Bush yelled. He looked to the camera. "Now how do I turn this off? Oh... I think I have a rock for that." 12 Responses To "In My World: We Want a Rock"
There was a story that our beloved Vice President Chaney was going hunting yesterday. I always did like Bush's policy on a rock. Yeah, I know it sucked, but what can you expect? I'm not frankj. #2 - Posted by: fmragtops on November 8, 2006 12:15 PMGood funny, Frank! It's been a long day for "The Little Trooper" (Me) but then again, the Republicans did need a good Bitch Slappin' and they got one last night! Now the fun starts with the collection of creeps, wierdos and homos who NOW run the house!!!! Good luck! #3 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on November 8, 2006 12:58 PMFortunately Reagan still had some of the sane “Zell Miller” DemoCRAPs to work with. Too bad the only one left is Lieberman. Can he overcome the pressure to vote along party lines? #4 - Posted by: Writer on November 8, 2006 01:08 PMPriceless Frank, as always. I am looking forward to the inherent funniness of Bush working with the Hydra over the next two years. #5 - Posted by: captamerica on November 8, 2006 01:10 PMEverybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around. (and if you actually GET the above reference, you're a super big nerd like me.) #6 - Posted by: Wacky Hermit on November 8, 2006 02:00 PMThanks Frank. An IMW is the only thing that can cheer up a broken-hearted, emotionally-drained Rumsfeld-admirer such as myself on this dark day. *sigh* #7 - Posted by: HKPistole on November 8, 2006 02:05 PMWacky Hermit: I got it immediately. How sad is that? Everybody wants a rock, but they went and burned our playhouse down... #10 - Posted by: Frank J. on November 8, 2006 03:21 PMI had an actual dream about meeting FrankJ and SarahK last night. Frank, I was bugging you to make sure your stupid book was coming out by Christmas so I could get my dad a copy. (You said it would. You PROMISED me.) SarahK was pretty. Does this mean I should cut down on my nightly wine consumption, or triple it? #11 - Posted by: Lissa on November 8, 2006 05:34 PMI blame Chim-Chim, the evil monkey. #12 - Posted by: LCVRWC on November 10, 2006 02:45 PMPost a comment
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