Please include a plank in your platform that prohibits celebrities from discussing anything other than their current film/TV/music project. If you could include a penalty of permanent exile to the caves near Tora Bora, that'd be good too. That way, we'd get rid of the celebrity and drive the terrorist out of hiding at the same time.

How about Happy Hour starts at 3 p.m. and the first round is always on the house?

Oh, wait, you said Republican Party. The Teddy K plank probably won't be endorsed there.

"FrankJ Republican"... now there's a term what gives me hope. How much are official party Membership dues?

As long as its good beer and someone else pays my dues, I'm in.

Frank, I DEMAND to be the Secretary of "Killing SHit and Breaking Things."

By demand, I mean grovel.

the first round is always on the house?

As in, on The House of Representatives? We may have to cut some programs to fund that.

What about milk and hot dogs for us Puritans who don't drink?

I would like to be Secretary of Muslim Relations. Hehehehehehehehe. Oh that'd be so cool! "I'm sorry, I don't care about CAIR."

Can you put a plank in your platform about the wall of fire on the border that will have mine fields, machine gun towers, and ninjas?

Are you going to run for office, or just kill Ken Melman and take his place?

More Blood for Beer! Let's conquer the Axis of Alcohol! Australia -- Germany -- You're on notice.

3 day weekends during football season and please, please make sure that there are no more Oakland - Seattle games on Monday nights! My eyes still hurt!

Are you going to run for office, or just kill Ken Melman and take his place?

I'm still deciding on that. I have nothing against Ken, but I will kill him if needed.

I think I'd like to be more of a mastermind than a politician, though.

I would like an occasional hamburger to go with the hot dogs and beer.

Didn't mean to request hamburgers anonymously! joe rockhead

Red-hot women and ice-cold beer. Don't get it mixed up; I've had to deal with far too many ice-cold women.

"I think I'd like to be more of a mastermind than a politicion, though."

Karl Rove - you're on notice.

Is a FrankJ Republican the same as P.J. O'Rourke's Republican Party Reptile? Just trying to get my bearings here....

From now on, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives will be tasked with handing them out instead of taking them away.

Use the full weight of the Justice Department and the IRS to make Ford Motor Co. bring the Pinto back into production. What a great car for all Americans!

I support Frank J. for RNC chairman.
Now if he would just extend the Hunting Season on Hippies...

In the spirit of diversity, Pizza and Nachos should have a place in the new world order. Also, the word diversity should only ever be allowed in public discourse if it is referring specifically to Pizza and Nachos.