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November 09, 2006
Frank J.'s New Agenda for America - Part 1: Iraq
Posted by Frank J. at 12:33 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (33)

"A chicken in every pot, a bullet in every terrorist."

That's the focus of this new agenda (except replace "chicken" with "nachos and beer"). All the terrorists should be dead while at the same time we're well off enough in American to have all the nachos and beer we want. That's the future I see for America. I have a plan that will bring happiness to Americans while bringing unhappiness to America's enemies. My hope is that, with your support, the Republican Party will adopt this exciting new agenda as their new platform.

There are many issues facing us now, and I have just as many solutions if not more. Let's start with the biggest issue: Iraq.

Before I give my solution for Iraq, I should explain my philosophy on the military. It starts with this:

The core values of the US military are fear, death, and destruction.

Anything that tries to wussify the military is destructive. We should not expect other countries to welcome our troops with open arms; we should expect citizens of any sane country to scream and run in terror at our approach. Our troops should be seen as demon-gods - vessels of pure destruction who know not mercy. When our troops appear in a country, the shout of "Americans!" should always be preceded with the shout of "Holy @#$%!" The enemy must know that our troops show no mercy and cannot be dissuaded and attacking us is always the absolute dumbest idea ever.

To move towards this new paradigm for the military, some changes are small. For instance:

Secretary of Defense will be named back to Secretary of War.

Changing the name of the Secretary of War to Secretary of Defense is just a step away from naming the position Secretary of Peace. It was done to make America look more peaceful, and that is completely wrong-headed. It is not what we want to project to other countries. What we want to project to other countries is:

America is a nation that loves war and only obedience to our will can stave off your destruction.

This is will only be partially true, but we want all countries to believe it.

Another way to get rid of the "nice military" image is:

Collateral damage will no longer be a factor in making military decisions.

If you don't want to die, get out of our way. Women and children make poor shields, as most of our artillery can go right through them.

Yes, killing innocent people is awful, but giving the enemy the idea that there is some way to slow down our destructive advanced towards them is even more awful as it only invites attacks and causes even more death in the end. This new policy may cause our troops to be called "baby killers," but they can just respond to that with, "Yes, we kill babies - enemy babies."

Some may think the troops may not like the new image of them being deadly killers, but actually what they hate are objectives that are more complex than "kill these people and blow this stuff up." All our trying to be nice ultimately just puts a great burden and danger on our troops by restraining their ability to kill and destroy. That's wrong. They deserve better.

The worst of it is this whole "nation building" idea. That's gay. Since there are many patriotic, openly-gay Americans who want to be a part of our military, they can do the nation building since that's so gay.

Back to the main subject, how do we handle Iraq since we're already in the position of the "nice" military who helps other countries? Well, let's look at the first rule of applying military might to a situation:

AMERICA NEVER LOSES WARS!

EVER!

I think the solution is simple: we set a timetable for withdrawal. When we leave, we will have won... one way or another.

Yes, I know that a timetable would just mean to the terrorists that they just have to hold on only that much longer before they can own the country, but not with the way we will announce our timetable:

"All American troops will be out of Iraq by the date we have set. If Iraq is a peaceful democracy, then we will declare victory. If it does not look like Iraq will be a peaceful democracy when we leave, then we will nuke it to hell and also declare victory."

With this strategy, our troops will know the conflict will be over by a set date and that the war will be won no matter what.

Now, I know many of you would think it awful to nuke Iraq. I think it would be awful too. There are many great people there who just want a better life, which is why I don't think we'll have to nuke them. When we announce our timetable, they'll be ripping terrorists limb from limb to bring peace to the country.

Of course, for this to work, people have to be convinced we will use nuclear weapons. For that, consult the Nuke the Moon strategy. It was written back in 2002, but it is even more relevant today and leads to this important point for the future:

The taboo against using nuclear weapons must be broken.

Nuclear weapons are useless to us if no believes we will actually use them. Of course, if any other country uses them for any purpose, they will be obliterated. You may think this is a double standard that we can use nuclear weapons and other can't, but America has long held the belief that there are standards for us and different standard for smalle,r weaker countries.

Back to the Iraq situation, think of how different it would be if we used my timetable strategy on Vietnam. Instead of terrorists attacking us in Iraq hoping it will be another Vietnam, they would be fleeing for their lives fearing it would be another Vietnam.

So let's get us a timetable and completely and utterly win the war in Iraq.

That's the first part of the new agenda for America. There are many other parts to it, including more on the military (including more details on combat strategies for the future and troop benefits), foreign affairs, and the many domestic issues, but I'll let you chew on this for now and put out more parts every day. I hope you will all be a part of this exciting new positive agenda for America and pass it on to those in charge so it can lead the Republicans to a great new victory in 2008.

Be honorable, ronin.

Rating: 2.5/5 (19 votes cast)

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