As you know, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad recently wrote a letter to America. What you probably didn't know is that he has been writing letter to Canada for some time. A Canadian reader recently sent us a copy of the latest and you can see it for the first time exclusively here on IMAO:

Dear Canada,

How has your November been? Mine has been lots of fun. I just wrote America a letter for the first time, and I worked very hard on it. I doubt America will write me back, though, since they are so arrogant. You already know that being so close to them. That must suck. At least you're not near Israel as they can be even more mean sometimes. They try to bake our children's blood into matzo which is a lot like a cracker.

I saw this neat documentary about America the other day by this man named Borat who is from Kazakhstan. He and I are very much alike as we are both very concernced with the threat of Jews. Also, I often wrestle men naked when I get mad. I hope Borat will come to Iran and do a film as he should like it much better here than in America. I also saw a film with pirates that was lots of fun. You should make some pirate movies as I would definitely go see them.

Have you tried blogging? I love blogging. Writing whatever you feel like can be very fun. I just wish I could get more visitors to my blog. I hope to one day get the DailyKos to link to me. That's one of the few blogs out there that really gets me as the people there support me and my great vision for Iran and the Middle East. And I think they're American. Who would have thunk? I guess not all Americans are bad. Are there any Americans you like? I am just happy that some are not ignorant and know that Iran is a very sophisticated country that should be looked up to as an example to the world.

Today we're hanging more gay people which should be festive. I know you are against the death penalty, but you must realize that the American government is even worse as they execute many people who aren't even gay. Also, our death penalty is much less sexist as we also execute many women such as sluts who trick men into raping them. Stoning them to death is just part of the Islamic respect for women, and smart people understand that. We have many less reports of rape than Western nations because of this respect.

A monkey climbed through my window and bit me the other day. That makes me worried about our security. If a monkey can get to me, then surely the offspring of monkeys, the Jews, could get to me as well. I'm afraid they will blow up all our work on nuclear energy. Would you be willing to hide some of our nuclear material if needed? I'd understand if you say no, but it would be really cool of you to do it.

Do you ever feel ignored being next to that big, pushy America? I used to feel ignored because I'm short, but now I'm president. Things will get better for you. Did you know a gorilla only has a two-inch penis? That sort of puts things into perspective.

I'm less worried about America invading us now that they elected the Democrats. The Democrats may even be nice to me as many seem to listen to the DailyKos. I'm much more worried about China since I watched some movies with ninjas in them. I couldn't get to sleep because all night I thought there was a ninja on the ceiling. If China got angry at me, then there could be a ninja for real. I thought I saw a ninja the other day, but it was just a Sunni woman in a burka. If she tried to flip around and throw sharp things at me, I'm sure her husband would beat her.

Isn't it mean how many people in America make fun of my name for being long and complex? It's not like I make fun of their names for being short and overly simple. "Bush" to me seems a lot like a sound you make when you burp. How is that a name? Do you ever get made fun of for your long names like Saskatchewan?

Do you ever get stressed out? When I get stressed out, I like to lead people in a chant of "Death to America" and "Death to Israel." Of course, that's only an expressions of our disagreement with their Crusader and Zionist policies and not to be taken literally. Still, if I could get rid of one, I wonder who I would choose? America is the Great Satan, but it's all the way on the other side of the world. Israel is much closer and those Jews are wily. I guess the decision would be much easier for you, but do not underestimate the Jew threat.

Want to know a secret? Everyone actually hates the Palestinians. They're a bunch of morons. I hope when we one day push the Jews into the sea the Palestinians don't actually think we will want to be their friends. If so, I'm going to push them right into the sea with the Jews. I'd stay out of the sea after that if I were you.

People keep saying I'm crazy, but I'm not. Still, all the talk has made me question myself sometimes. The other weekend, I masturbated to some documentaries about the Holocaust. Is that weird? I asked an imam, and he told me it was okay but I should keep it to myself. It's nice to have imams to ask questions to. Who do you ask questions to when you're worried about things? New Zealand?

Please write me back soon.

Hugs and Kisses,
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

P.S. If you think you see the Twelfth Imam, e-mail me right away. Thanks!

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