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January 15, 2007
Frank Fisking: Let's Shut Down Gitmo! Yay!
Got an e-mail from Democrats.com (not associated with the DNC). Since it wasn't their usual "Let's have Bush impeachment BBQs!" e-mail, I thought I'd give it a read: Dear Frank, That's me! For the past five years, the United States has held hundreds of men from over 45 countries in Guantanamo Bay. Not a single person has been convicted of a crime, and three men died of apparent suicides. Apparent suicides? You mean the suicides that were done for propaganda reasons... such as causing whiny e-mails like this to be sent out? Good terrorist stooge! You get a cookie! But, if you think this war is bad with the hundreds of people being detained without a conviction, you should have heard of that one back in the forties where America killed hundreds of thousands of people without a single trial! Today marks five years since the US first transferred men to indefinite and arbitrary detention. Five years of lawlessness is enough – let's join with Amnesty International USA to demand that the detention facilities at Guantanamo be closed. And when they're closed, where will everyone go? Your house so they can sign a petition to impeach Bush? Bob Fertik Your name is gay. What follows is a letter from Amnesty International USA (kinda an oxymoron). So I got a letter within a letter which is a super bonus and very exciting. THE AMERICA I BELIEVE IN LEADS THE WORLD ON HUMAN RIGHTS The dragons I believe in can change shape at will. Dear Friend, What is it, jackass? America's commitment to human rights and justice is being held prisoner at Guantánamo Bay. Take action today to end the abomination. America's commitment to human rights and justice is being held prisoner at Gitmo? Oh no! That means its surrounded by terrorist Muslims! At least it will get its own prayer rug and Koran. The American government never gave me a rug and a book, and I'm a taxpaying citizen! I'm going to eat a corn dog in protest. I was going to eat a corn dog anyway, but it's the thought that counts. Five years ago, the U.S. began detaining people at Guantánamo Bay without charges . . . without trial . . . without legal recourse . . . and without hope. The funny thing is that the military could have just shot these guys - without a trial! - on the battlefield and you wouldn't even be complaining. But, because these guys lucked out and got captured instead of shot, you're complaining. Fine, Amnesty International USA, we'll just shoot everybody from now on. I hope that makes you happy, ya sick bastards! The interrogation regime there led to many allegations of torture and ill-treatment. These abuses continue despite widespread domestic and international outrage. Help put a stop to these abuses. I'm a bit confused. Do you want to stop the abuses or the allegations of abuses? Because if it's the latter, then the best solution is to abuse whomever is making the allegations. The government wants us to think that all people held at Guantánamo Bay are known terrorists. It's working! I'm thinking that right now! GET THE GOVERNMENT OUT OF MY HEAD!!! Unfortunately, it's not true. The detainees at Guantánamo Bay are only suspects, innocent until proven guilty, some as young as 15 when they were detained. Once again, could have just shot them. There's a big difference between criminal prosecution and war. Maybe Amnesty International USA needs to think more internationally and less USA-ally. They have been held for years in conditions that are isolating, harsh, inhuman and cruel. With belly slaps and rap music... much like urban youths. Every day that the Guantánamo Bay detention facilities remain open is another day when the United States of America broadcasts to the world its utter lack of respect for the most basic human rights principles. I know! Ain't it cool! Why are human rights important anyway? Ooh! Ooh! I know! Because the issue is great for fund raising! Because human rights, values championed by the U.S. for decades, make way for a peaceful and secure world. Because without human rights, no one is safe. Respecting the innate human dignity of every human across the world is our only hope for a prosperous and peaceful society. When we respect each others' rights, we secure our own. But what about shooting the people we don't like? How does that fit in, Pollyanna? What can you do? I already ate a corn dog. Join Amnesty International and speak out against Guantánamo Bay and the policies behind it. Tell the President to shut down Guantánamo Bay. Yeah, I'll go tell him that right now. All the terrorists from there can stay in my garage. They'll have to get along with my pit bull, but she's friendly as long as she has people to bite. Tell him that the America you believe in leads the world on human rights. If we really believe this, do we need to clap our hands to keep America from dying? Please act today. Take a stand for human rights. I'd rather take a seat on the can, if it's all the same. Sincerely, Now, that name isn't necessarily gay, but, if you are gay, it's a great name. 20 Responses To "Frank Fisking: Let's Shut Down Gitmo! Yay!"
//Good terrorist stooge! You get a cookie!// Hey! I want a cookie without being a terrorist stooge. NOT FAIR!!
Don't forget mohammed-free gang-sign graffiti!!! Peace out yo!!! #1 - Posted by: shimauma on January 15, 2007 12:57 PM//I'd rather take a seat on the can, if it's all the same.// It seems that Democrats.com and AIUSA have already anticipated this and sent you two pieces of paper which you can use to maintain your hygiene. #2 - Posted by: Moneyman on January 15, 2007 01:06 PMdon't make me lecture you about pit bull myths! oh wait. you were talking about our particular pit bull. nevermind. #3 - Posted by: sarahk on January 15, 2007 01:24 PMI think Gitmo should do what the AP has designated as freedom fighters are doing. Hack off the head of a prisoner till our demands are met. Why no outrage at the civilians being killed. Oh thats right they are already dead so we can't do anything about it. I say we release the Gitmo prisoners into the wilds of Montana and hand out special permits for hunting them. The proceeds going to "The Kill Terrorist Till They're a Dead Corpse Corps". We could call it "Hunting for Freedom" and let Dick Cheney shoot the first one. #4 - Posted by: loomdog on January 15, 2007 01:27 PMOutstanding fisking Frank! It seems your muse has finally returned from Christmas vacation. The Dragons line absolutely slayed me (sorry for the pun. actually no I'm not otherwise I would have gone back and deleted it before sending this comment). Keep up the good work! #5 - Posted by: P.J. on January 15, 2007 01:28 PM"If we really believe this, do we need to clap our hands to keep America from dying?" This line got me rolling, Peter Pan logic for the win! #6 - Posted by: Sean on January 15, 2007 02:19 PMOK, fine. For every detainee at GITMO they want released, we'll replace him with a person from AI-USA. GITMO's an established place on the planet, and nature abhorrs a vacuum. #7 - Posted by: AlanABQ on January 15, 2007 02:36 PMThe America I believe in leads the world in home runs, RBIs, and dead Muslim terrorists! #8 - Posted by: bunkerboy on January 15, 2007 03:46 PMThat's interesting, because the America I believe in would never, ever allow bell-bottoms to come back into style. #9 - Posted by: Rick on January 15, 2007 04:06 PMI'm confused. Are they trying to convince us that muslims are human? I'd be happy to go along with that concept if muslims didn't keep refering to us actual humans as apes and pigs. #10 - Posted by: Master Shake on January 15, 2007 04:40 PMLOL! Frank! That was BRILLIANT!!!! Hee - hee! #11 - Posted by: LearntoDrawaLine on January 15, 2007 05:10 PMIf we actually do the Gitmo release program, I like the Captain Barbossa method. "Don't dare impugn me honor boy! I agreed she go free, but it was you who failed to specify when or where." I vote for Antarctica as the release point. Preferably in winter. #12 - Posted by: IllTemperedCur on January 15, 2007 05:22 PMI believe the Democratic party should pass a symbolic bill suggesting that Gitmo be closed. Not that they actually want the terrorist bastards out, or have clue what to actually do about it. That way they can have their cake and eat it too. It’s an empty gesture, and you know how much the Democratic party loves empty gestures these days. PEACE MAN !!! That fisking rocked hard. The muzzies should know that if we catch you fighting without a uniform, we can lock you up in Gitmo for as long as we see fit. Nothing in the Geneva Convention against that. Or if the libs take over, the terrorists will never live long enough to be taken prisoner. That's just as good, actually. #14 - Posted by: Habbs on January 15, 2007 07:24 PM*At least it will get its own prayer rug and Koran. The American government never gave me a rug and a book, and I'm a taxpaying citizen!* Don't forget 3 "ethnicly correct" meals a day. Shoot. If I got locked up, I doubt I'd get an elk steak or a flake of fry bread. Or for my other half, a shank of mutton and a tankard of honey mead. *With belly slaps and rap music... much like urban youths.* Don't forget the spankings and nude dogpiles, which you can find at any frat house at any university! *some as young as 15 when they were detained* I guess that means we need to release all the gang bangers that young (though not young enough not to kill someone in cold blood). This is just the typical stack of bovine manure typical of AmNasty Interpinko. My idea is that if the AmNasty Superlibs want these people released, they should take them into their own homes. If either is to break sentance, we shoot both the datainee along with the host's family (sort of a darwinian process of selection). Five years ago, the U.S. began detaining people at Guantánamo Bay without charges . . . without trial . . . without legal recourse . . . and without hope. Umm correct me if Iam wrong but five years ago was'nt there like almost a thousand held at GITMO? And now there are around four hundred? And remember this guy: We know of several former detainees from JTF-GTMO that have rejoined the fight The abuse going on at Guantanamo really is horrible. Imagine waking up every morning and being pelted with cocktails of blood, feces, urine and semen. That's what happens to the guards there every day, and if you think it is a serious human rights violation, I suggest a petition be sent out to have more GTMO prisoners shot. #17 - Posted by: George guy on January 16, 2007 06:30 AMC'mon guys, don't you think you're being a little bit rough on AI and dummycrats.com? Look at what their efforts achieved in iraq before we illegally removed Saddam from power. There were no rape rooms, no mass graves and certainly no one was allowed to be run throughan industrial shredding machine, let alone pushed off a three story building. It is through the ahrd work of outfits like this that the forced labor and female infant murders in china do not take place, or what about the quaility of life they have insured for North Koreans. I think we owe alot to these champions of human rights. Not. Oh, and they are all doo doo heads. #18 - Posted by: captamerica on January 16, 2007 07:20 AMWhat can you do? I already ate a corn dog. Frank, I found that line funnier than a loud fart in church. Don't know why, guess I find corn dogs funny. #19 - Posted by: allthatsright on January 16, 2007 01:00 PMHaaaa! Frank is back. I fell off the chair at the "I already ate a corn dog" line... mmh, corndogs... #20 - Posted by: HKPistole on January 16, 2007 04:15 PMPost a comment
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