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January 23, 2007
The Sole Job of the Federal Government
President Bush is giving his State of the Union Address tonight. I once again will give some advice to him as, if he'd followed my advice from the beginning, everyone would be dead by now (especially bad people). Many people, including me, are disappointed in the Bush presidency. He has time to change things, but he has to make sure to focus the rest of his term only on what is important. And what is important for the federal government? Handling foreign people. There are many foreign people in the world, and they all have wants and desires that I don't understand nor particularly care about. Many of them want to kill us, and other want to... uh... do other stuff to us (I'm not sure what because they speak in their own made up languages). Now, I don't have time to try and understand these foreign people, and I especially don't have time to fly to their foreign lands and handle these foreign people. That's why I pay taxes to the federal government: to handle the foreign people. The idea is I handle my own crap, and the government takes care of the foreign people. If President Bush wants to be seen as a great leader, he needs to tell the American people, "I don't want any of you worrying about foreign people. We, the federal government, have got that handled." I know I'll sleep better at night if I know the federal government is taking care of the foreign people by either shooting them in the face, giving them food, yelling at them, or giving them gifts of brand new hats... whatever it is the foreign people need so they won't bother us. I don't understand those needs, but, then again, I don't have the resources of the federal government. With foreign people, both those overseas and those just across the border that separates American from foreignness, taken care of, Americans can now focus on America and the things we do best like engineering and making new potato chip flavors. With foreign people out of the way, the path to American prosperity will no longer be littered with unshaven people who speak gibberish. Thus, we will be in a golden age. So, Mr. President, it is your job to usher in this golden age. You tell us tonight that you will handle the foreign people. And then you handle the foreign people. 10 Responses To "The Sole Job of the Federal Government"
It just doesn’t get any better than this, Frank! And how is it that you have remained “under the radar” when the political parties go looking for new leadership? I’ll be listening to see if POTUS takes your advice! I also want to see if he and Cheney are going to Pelosi a “snuggie” right before the speech as part of the initiation… #1 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on January 23, 2007 12:45 PMLol, Frank! If only you were president. #2 - Posted by: Intellectual on January 23, 2007 01:17 PMHe just needs to send Bill Clinton off to "handle" all the foreign people. If only we could get rid of Jimmah ("I blame the Joooooos") Carter so easily.... #3 - Posted by: Master Shake on January 23, 2007 02:21 PMI thought the tradition was for the president and vice-president to give the new Speaker a "swirlie," not a "snuggie." Or at least that's how it's been ever since those sexual harassment workshops. #4 - Posted by: Wacky Hermit on January 23, 2007 02:23 PMI just wish that Bush, during tonight's State of the Union, would spill the beans on what this Iraq War was really all about: "My fellow Americans, four years ago we went into Iraq to overthrow a bloodthirsty dictator, and establish a democracy in the heart of the Middle East. And if that didn't work, we would set off a religious war between Shiites and Sunnis that would kill our enemies on both sides, and make any attempted Iranian hegemony in the region a living nightmare. Consequently, Gulf state oil production would be plentiful and affordable, if they valued their security and sovereignty. Let history judge the wisdom of this course, and the fruits of our labors. God bless you, and may God continue to bless The United States of America." #5 - Posted by: bunkerboy on January 23, 2007 04:51 PMNo, no, no! Building the Taj Mahal or utilizing (n+1) Distinct Great Persons (where n is the nyumber of prior Golden Ages). Course, those golden ages last for 8 turns, which means Bush's successor will inherit 7 years of feast (followed by 7 years of famine, if my dream last night was any indication) #6 - Posted by: Augustus Ceaser on January 23, 2007 08:14 PMSounds like Caesar Augustus has been playing too many RPG’s. That’s (role playing games) not (rocket propelled grenades). That and the real Caesar Augustus has been dead for two thousand years and probably wouldn’t f*ck up his own name. Well, anyone who's been playing too many RPG's is still cool in my book, even if they do need to get outside a little bit more and not let the game steal their entire life. I think, taking a line from Caesar there, that in-line with the Federal Gov't's job of taking care of foreigners, that we should build the rocket to Alpha Centauri so that those of us who want to permanently escape all that foreignness can do so. ;) #8 - Posted by: Capitalist_B on January 24, 2007 08:57 AMFrankJ is a poet. #9 - Posted by: HKPistole on January 24, 2007 11:22 AMThat bit about Caeser wasn’t supposed to come off sounding harsh. I hope you have insurance to cover that knife wound in your back. Post a comment
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