All of Memphis audtioned for American Idol this year.

I would like to say that I want to see more good auditions, fewer awful ones, and zero instances of Simon saying people look like monkeys.

This first guy's name is Frank Byers, so he should go to the next round, because my husband's name is Frank. Scratch that. I am not enjoying this. It is wonky and feels like a Slinky to me. He could sing, but I felt like he was a Slinky. And now two men are lifting Ryan in the air. Hrm.

Timika Sims. That is an unfortunate place for her hoodie string's knot to be. She's never sung in front of anyone before. And Randy is off his nut this year. He just laughs at everyone. You're bad? Randy will laugh at you. You're awful? It's a laugh from Randy.

Christopher Rivera. Another joke. Somebody slashed his pants with a machete covered in paint.

Alexis Partee, the stripper with the bangle bracelets that went out in the 1980s. I have nothing to say about that.

This guy's dad named him Sundance Head. It was hell to grow up with that name, he says. I'm so glad he owns it, because if he makes it through, I will have so much fun with that. The marquee says Jason 'Sundance' Head. Ooh, and he's from Texas. And he starts singing, and can he just sing for the entire hour? Why do they have to show all these other jokers at all? Just let this guy hit those high notes that left me breathless. Ok, enough cliches. (One is enough for me.) And I'm a big Taylor Hicks fan, but I have to agree with Simon. This *snicker* Sundance guy (it helps me say it if I say the word "guy" after his name) is better at first glance. We'll see how he stacks up. I hope he's not one of those that Simon was talking about that made it to Hollywood and then crumbled before the final 24.

Wandera Hitchye. I thought she was pretty good. Not crazy about the hair or the necklace of scrubbing bubbles, but I liked the raspy gospel voice. Man, I hate it when they go out of the room and just go crazy insane and scream at the camera and start flipping the bird and ripping off clothes. Where did these people learn how to act in public?

BTW, I’m loving all the shots of Simon playing on his Crackberry when contestants come into the room. He must be texting with his hot girlfriend. I luv u, baby. Missin u! xoxox much luv, Sweetums.

Travis McKinney. What in the world world world was that that that?

Danielle McCulloch. I kinda like that top. If it had sleeves I would wear it. It’s kinda Chloe O’Brien on a self-conscious date. The song. She went a little off-key at the end, and she didn’t blow me away… I’m a sucker for the high notes, and I’m not sure she can hit them, but she’s really good in the lower registers. So we’ll see what she can do. I think she’ll be good for a few rounds, but I don’t think she’ll go much farther than Melissa McGhee (who I also liked).

Topher McCain. His wife left him because she (allegedly) didn't like honoring marriage vows. He sang "Footloose". And he got to go on national TV and tell the world that his wife is an adulteress and call her a bi***. Good on 'im. I only get to talk about my ex-husband like that on my blog, so there you go.

Paula is wearing a heart right in front of her collar bone.

Janita Burks. She is talking about dressing sexily but conservatively. She thinks the judges will see her as innocent, sexy, well-put-together, conservative... and she is spilling out everywhere. Not a whole lot of material on the top part of that innocent dress... concoction thingy. And she's singing Disco Inferno, a most innocent song. And then the start of something else.

Sean Michel from Bryant, Arkansas. "We're all kinda poor on the inside." Whatever, shut up. He looks like Castro and is singing "God's Gonna Cut You Down", the Johnny Cash song that is currently on my running playlist on my iPod. Ran to it today, actually. I did not expect that voice to come out of that beard. I love his tone;I say yes. The judges are surprised -- Simon was expecting something about the revolution. Maybe they can get him a stylist when he gets to Hollywood, no? They all say yes, starting with Simon, who raises his eyebrows at himself.

Melinda Doolittle, a professional background singer. Paris Bennett 2.0. She's really good. My only hangup is that she's going to be exactly what we had last year with Paris. Am I alone on this? Anyway, I want to hear more of her in Hollywood and see if I'm wrong. She's not as raspy as Paris, but really trilly like that. I could do with less trills, I guess that's what I'm trying to say.

Robert Lee Holmes. He writes stories, and the current story of his life ends with a period. Good gracious. What is he pointing at? You know, in HD, everything is so much clearer.

The judges are ruthless this season. They just laugh at everyone. And not Simon, it's Paula and Randy. And then Ryan just deadpans everyone and pretends to be their friend.

And that guy just pulled a towel out of his fly.

Philip Stacy. You couldn't have found another audition city? There are 8 or so. You have 9 months' warning. So you left your wife to deliver your baby so you could go audition for American Idol. You left your 9-months-pregnant wife at home. You are a prat. I hope you don't make it through. Too bad, too, because the voice wasn't awful. The beginning was bad, but it got better. No, Paula and Randy are wrong. He starts his songs poorly, and then they get better, just like Simon said. Either way, I don't like him because of the whole ditching his wife to audition thing. Yes, I dislike complete strangers. That's me, SarahK. Nice to meet you.

And I'll say again. I'd prefer to see fewer of the duds and more of the goods.

Tomorrow is New York.

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Rating: 2.4/5 (8 votes cast)

American Idol
~SarahK's TV stuff
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