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January 31, 2007
Get well soon, Louis Farrakhan!
Posted by Laurence Simon at 02:17 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (12)

Louis Farrakhan, the 73 year-old leader of the Nation Of Islam, has recently been released from the hospital after a long stay to recuperate from surgery to correct a botched prostate cancer procedure.

However, just to make sure that Minister "Screwy Louie" Farrakhan is around for a long, long time for us to make fun of, we'd like to suggest that he take it easy when returning to his usual duties of inciting hatred, blaming Causacians for self-inflicted minority-on-minority crimes, and pretending to be sane when the network television news cameras are on.

Tired, recoverying public figures usually don't have a problem appearing sane, since they're usually only up for a simple smile and a wave. But it's important for Farrakhan to take it easy and take it slowly on the long road to recovering his flaming mantle of scorn from those he has willed it to.

We suggest that he start with the equivalent of bed rest for invective-slinging polemics: just mildly disliking White people and Jews, in small amounts and infrequently during the day.

Then, when he feels strong enough, he can add in a bit of aggressive rherotic, but not in a sustained and continuous stream of vicious blood-libel and recitation of "Rabbis were dancing on the rooftops after 9/11" conspiracies.

Usually at this stage, I'd suggest a bit of golf. However, that might involve the Minister ranting about the club's history of discrimination, despite the fact that the club opened its doors sometime in the Sixties as a result of... of... oh, who was that guy that Farrakhan's former boss had killed again?

Where were we?

Perhaps then, he will be well enough to travel, appearing at Moorehead and TSU to graciously accept Lifetime Achievement Awards, but he'll need to take it easy and limit his speeches to thanking the audience for their support, but no sustained rhetoric until his doctors clear him for unchecked outbursts of hatred.

At that point, then and only then, would it be safe for him to return to his usual duties.

Now, it's up to his bowtied minions to make sure that Minister Farrakhan sticks to this progressive schedule, perhaps easing the burden of vehement anti-Semitism and reverse racism on their leader by taking it up on their own.

Good luck, Louie, and get better soon!

As for Minister Farrakhan's prostate, try harder next time, dammit!

Rating: 1.8/5 (4 votes cast)

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12 Responses To "Get well soon, Louis Farrakhan!"

This man is the proof of the old saying "only the good die young"
...he's so evil the devil doesn't even want him!

#1 - Posted by: seanmahair on January 31, 2007 02:46 PM

Did a Jooo do his procedure for him....you know if that is the case he probably had it set up that way so that if he died he could say we killed him!

#2 - Posted by: Robert on January 31, 2007 04:45 PM

We did what we could on the operating table, but it wasn't easy. First of all, his nether region was throughly infested with a particular kind of venereal disease common to white Scandinavian prostitutes. We entered through the, ahem, back door, which necessitated the removal of a massive European wallet made from an unknown type of tanned leather (we sent this to our friends in Tel Aviv to analyse the tattoo on it). It was thus obvious that the source of his trouble was not the prostate but the nearly fifty pounds of undigested chitlins we found in his descending colon.

#3 - Posted by: Dr. Thor Goldstein on January 31, 2007 05:30 PM

Ahhh...old "Screwy Louie". We haven't heard from him in such a long time, I though he had passed away. Besides Al Sharpton, who else would have alerted us to the fact that Bush and Rumsfeld personally rode jet skies out to the levies to plant bombs during Katrina, just because Americans hate black people? Who else (except, of course, for Sharpton, Robert Byrd and Islam) would let people know that the "Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion" not only existed, but was factual, and everything bad that happens in the world is the fault of the Joooos?
When Farrakahn finally passes away and gets his 72 hos, we will miss a central figure in American comedy. After all, who else will the rabid libs look up to?

#4 - Posted by: Wolfman Dan on January 31, 2007 08:06 PM

Well, Mr. Wolcott gets his prostate pulled to hear "a tone." Send him to Iran in time for the crazies to get overthrown, and maybe he can join the "Million Mullah March!" LOL

By the way, a minor editing note: You should have "Caucasian" instead of "Causacian."

#5 - Posted by: Ron on January 31, 2007 08:59 PM

Sorry, just can't do it. Can not wish him well. I can wish him hell...

Tell ya what - since I did a jig the day William (The Devil on Earth) Kunstler died, I'll do The Flamenco for Farrakhan. Then I'll tell The Million Man March joke all day.

What's that? You don't know The Million Man March joke? It goes like this:

Take a white napkin and sprinkle a fair amount of pepper all over it. Then say "What's this?" "I don't know." "It's The Million Man March." Then fold the napkin and re-open it so the pepper forms a single line. Then say "What's this?" "I give up." "It's the line to KFC right after..." HA!

#6 - Posted by: bunkerboy on January 31, 2007 10:09 PM

Oh come on guy’s, Old Louie comes from the good old days when being a strident radical involved abrasively shooting your mouth off and the only thing incendiary was your remarks and maybe a smoke bomb and a few firecrackers. I think we should give him credit for being a total asshole without getting too many people killed in the process. And after that botched prostate operation he probably couldn’t care less about the 72 virgins.

Those were the days.

#7 - Posted by: Neo-andertal on January 31, 2007 11:48 PM

Think of it this way; if he does die soon, do you really think he's going to get even ONE virgin to touch him, much less 72? He has to make a bowtie out of a $100 bill just to get a hooker to look his way now...

#8 - Posted by: AlanABQ on February 1, 2007 02:13 AM

"...without getting too many people killed in the process."

Yeah well, not for lack of trying. As the first Nation of Islam metastasized into its current form, so will this one turn into something worse as prospective successors vie for position.

Add to that a couple of generations of ex-cons that have been fed a steady diet of Wahabbist vitriol in the prison system (pop. 2,000,000), and you have the recipe for America's unspoken nightmare: an army of potential home-grown jihadists, indistinguishable from any other Nike-wearing homies. Think it can't happen? Look at England.

From his pigpen in Hell, Farrakhan will manage a smile...

#9 - Posted by: bunkerboy on February 1, 2007 04:17 AM

So, was it the interaction of Louie's afro-sheen and something in his rectum that cause the prostate issue? I mean, having your head that far up your ass for that long has to have some side effects.

#10 - Posted by: DesertElephant on February 1, 2007 04:22 PM

You people are a bunch of COWARDS. I very funny that anytime people speak about the wicked and evil things that white people have done to not just black people in america, but people all over the world, they want to say he preaches hatred. White people only people preach the cary it into action everywhere they go. They went to australia and killed off the original people over there. You subjected the people of west africa to the worst for of slavery in know history. You almost wiped out the entire race of native americans who befriended you and showed you how to survive, and the list goes on and on. But someone who speaks against your past and present wicked practices you hate and mock. What do you think god thinks about your actions towards the other people of the earth and do you think he won't judge you based of those actions and the response to people who speak against your evils

#11 - Posted by: on February 5, 2007 03:45 PM

Ibuh thinkbuh datbuh guybuh isbuh rightbuh - whitebuh peebles isbuh duh devilbuh!

#12 - Posted by: Mushmouth on February 6, 2007 02:25 PM
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