I'll not thank all the people who chose to further that stupid stereotype that we all ride horses for a living and brush our teeth with horsehair toothbrushes while singing Rawhide at the top of our lungs.

Yee-haw.

First up tonight is Bryan Kyrish of San Antonio, screaming "Rebel Yell", and my vocal chords are having sympathy pains.

Haley Scarnato is next, and she's very pretty. Pretty girl, pretty voice. Not outstanding, but the judges say, "Well, you don't suck, so welcome to Hollywood." Seems to be a theme this year.

Oh my goodness, 10 points that don't count for anything to the first person who finds me the YouTube video of this!! It's beautiful. Jasmine Holland's family has made a poster for their girl. "Jasmine's Are Next American Idol!" I read it and reread it and kept looking for nouns at the end of the sentence or something to make that a correct exclamatory sentence, and then I realized. Oh. And on national television. How sad for them. Ok, so let's make fun! I hope they're from out of state. Please don't let them be from Texas, because it really sounds like an Oklahoma thing to do. Or at least... you know... an Aggie thing.

Now watch, I'll do it before the end of this blog post. But hey, they thought about this poster and probably traced it out with pencil first. I mean, it's on posterboard! Mine is on little teeny pixels!

Now, the singing is awful, and I don't want to make fun of that. And the judges, Simon in particular, are laughing. But Simon is laughing before she ever starts singing, so it just snowballs once she starts. I actually felt sorry for her while she was singing, because the judges were having the giggle-fits before she ever got going, but then once she started running her mouth and flinging the insults once it was all over, I changed my mind. Especially since she was from San Antonio, and that made me mad, because she embarrassed my state and all. Jasmine, You Our* Not My Next American Idol. *on purpose

Baylie Brown is from Krum and is only 16. When they do the whole life on the ranch thing, I'm scared, but she's the anti-Kellie, because she doesn't pretend to not know anything about anything. She's the little It-girl, fashion-lover, knows she doesn't belong in a small town. When she's singing, she reminds me of Natalie Maines, except prettier, with a stronger voice that doesn't itch and doesn't twang as hard (thank goodness). I did notice that she started rolling through the song like a freight train, and it got a little scary for me. I started screaming, "Slow down! Slow down!" halfway through. Does it go like that? I wasn't familiar with the song, but talk about your accelerandos.

Speaking of Latin, tonight we watched last night's CSI: Horatio, and oh my goodness, Delko!!! Are you kidding me? I will be so upset if he is dead. He is one of my favorite characters. Clavo Cruz better watch out for me and Calleigh and Horatio, because I don't know who is more ticked off about that. I needed serious comforting after we watched that.

William Green from Dallas just isn't sure which key he wants to use for "Amazing Grace", and that sort of offends me. Too funny, he's so nice about being told no, and then when he leaves, he says, "Now when I leave, I'm gonna talk trash, but that's just for the camera, ok?" And the judges tell him, ok, represent! And he goes out yelling and talking trash, and it's funny, and the judges are cracking up. I forgive him for utterly destroying "Amazing Grace".

I mean, seriously. They can't kill off Ryan instead? I really liked him at first, but he started getting all whiney after he shot himself in the eye with the nail gun. And he gets preachy and stupid occasionally. I'm just sayin', if they have to kill off a CSI, why not him? Horatio has already lost his brother and his wife. It is just wrong for him to also lose his brother-in-law, even if he was only married for about five minutes before Delko's sister was killed.

Oh yes. American Idol. Akron Watson is William Green's cousin and is also from Dallas. He's a much better singer than his cousin, but yes, Simon is correct. No personality, boring when he's not singing. So Paula suggests he start singing again to keep Simon interested, and he sings "Let's Get it On". Yawn. But Simon is impressed, and he's through to Hollywood. He is very happy.

Sandie Chavez of Houston. I think that's supposed to be "Black Velvet". I mean, I recognize those words, but that is not the tune. I think that's the sound Minerva makes when Rowdi gets too close to her. Wow, it's an all-out breakdown from her.

Ashlyn Carr from Sugarland. Is that two words? I always thought it was one. She sings, and I'm typing and doing other things, so I'm not watching her, so it sounds good to me. Randy and Paula both pass on her because of her facial expressions, and I'm really confused because she sounded really good, but again, I wasn't watching. As she's leaving, Simon says he would have said yes, then he tells the other two judges that they made a mistake. She's already out at the street, and Seacrest has to flag her down, because Randy and Paula are like, ok, ok, maybe we should give her another shot. Ok, I rewound. The facial expressions are over the top, but I'm pretty sure that can be fixed. She's just hamming and doing what I'll bet her choir teacher told her to do. You know why they went and got her back? Because she didn't start cussing and throwing a fit. It's nice how she responded to the rejection.

Ok, so she comes back in and sings another song for them. Simon tells her she has very bad habits but she's too good to pass up. Randy likes her because she's unique. Paula says she has bad habits (don't we all, Ms. Abdul?). Oh, and while Simon is talking to her, he's rubbing all over his chest like he's trying to rub seasoning into a plump, whole chicken. Get those seasonings in there good, Simon! Rub in that salt and pepper! And when they tell her she's going to Hollywood is when she should jump across the table and kiss them all, but she barely even thanks them. She crosses herself and saunters out the door.

Jimmy McNeal from Waxahachie is the last auditioner, and he's singing "Cupid". He has a very nice voice. Very strong. Haha. He's going to Hollywood, and he tells his daughter, "I'm going to Hollywood." Her response is, "So?"

*sigh* Ryan just said something about the people who made it to Hollywood from Texas and then said, "Will we have another American Idol from the south?" If you're implying that Texas is in the south, Ryan, I'm not sure how many times you need to be told. I'm sure I've said it before. First of all, Texas stands alone. Second of all, if you must lump Texas in with a region, it's in the southwest. Not the south. I do not put sugar in my tea. That is disgusting.

Tomorrow, my DVR says that AI will be the best auditions of the season. Is that a trick to get me in the door, and then they show me the worst ones? Either way I suppose I'll watch.

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Rating: 2.0/5 (4 votes cast)

American Idol
~SarahK's TV stuff
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