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February 12, 2007
Terrorist Threat From Radical Atheist!
Posted by Harvey at 09:46 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (28)

Deb Schlussel says that, as an atheist, I'm very likely to be seduced by radical Islam.

Which I thought was just the dumbest thing I'd ever heard.

But then I realized how right she was.

You see, although I've called myself an atheist for years, I'm always been a Christian Atheist, because it was the God of the Holy Bible that I didn't believe in. I mean, sure, I scoffed at other popular deities, too, but it was really reading the Bible that convinced me that believing in God was as silly as believing that Criss Angel doesn't use camera tricks and audience shills during his Mind Freak specials.

But recently all that changed. I started reading the Koran. I mean REALLY studying it and thinking it over.

And I've come to the conclusion that it's Allah and not Jehovah that's the most hysterically unlikely anthropomorphic personification of infinite power that's ever been fictionalized between the covers of an overlong holy book.

That's right. I've converted.

I'm an Islamic Atheist now.

And since the ideas put forth in the most blood-soaked, kill-'em-all passages were the least believable parts of the completely deranged waste of paper that IS the Koran, I had no choice but to become a Radical Jihad-Lovin' Islamic Atheist. There's simply nothing that I don't believe in more.

And so now five times every day, I don't face Mecca and don't bow down while I'm not saying the prayers that will cleanse my non-existent soul, as I don't purify my thoughts for the moment when I don't martyr myself in Allah's imaginary name while not killing infidels so that I may not be immediately swept into a mythical paradise to enjoy the spuriously sweet temptations of the 72 virgins who don't eagerly await me.

And thus it is for the completely made up glory of Allah The Not-Really-There, that I have not strapped on this explosive vest filled with C4 ball bearings and will now not blow up this blog and all its readers.

If you don't believe me - and you shouldn't - then believe your own lying eyes as you gaze in horror at this "genuine live web cam" image of the bomb I'm not wearing!

baby bomber.jpg

Prepare to meet your makers!

... by which, of course, I mean "your parents".

Next time you see them, tell 'em Harv says "Hi!"

And that Deb Schlussel doesn't know sh*t about atheists.

Rating: 4.7/5 (3 votes cast)

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28 Responses To "Terrorist Threat From Radical Atheist!"

Okay, you're an Islamic atheist, but are you Sunni or Shiite one?

#1 - Posted by: Frank J. on February 12, 2007 10:22 AM

Why is it so hard for people to a) imagine that a person can be both an atheist and a conservative or b) that just because we don't believe in a higher power, we're not granted an automatic 'Down-With-America/Up-With-Fascism' Badge. I hate the ACLU too, on that note.

That picture is both creepy and cute, though.

#2 - Posted by: thegoddessanna on February 12, 2007 10:37 AM

Frank - Um... whichever one it is that blows up women and children because the voices in their head tell them to.

#3 - Posted by: Harvey on February 12, 2007 10:40 AM

Not only am I atheist about religion, I long ago became atheist about atheists. No seriously, who said that religious folks has a lock on being full of crap? Atheists spent most of the 20th century catching up with organized religion in the bullshit category. Thanks to papa Stalin and Mao, Atheists have long since caught up in the killin’ people department too.

So lets get a few things straight. There is no such thing as WE Atheists. Anyone who claims to represent Atheists is a fraud. The whole idea of organized unbelief is an oxymoron. I just love folks that tell me I don’t believe in anything or I’m going to do something hideous because I don’t share all or part of their belief system. There’s nothing special about Christians like Deb in that department either. I get loads of flak from the secularists for retaining too much of the old Western Christian enlightenment outlook. Guess I’m supposed to pick a belief group and go along to get along. Too much thinkin’ always gets you in trouble.

And, please, please, keep all Unitarians away from me.


#4 - Posted by: Neo-andertal on February 12, 2007 11:27 AM

Harvey,

Perhaps you have taken offense where none was meant for you. If you're not in the ACLU-Atheist camp then perhaps you can see that Deb wasn't putting you in the "easy-prey-to-islamofascism" category. It does stand to reason, and evidence is ample, that where a void of forced non-belief is created, a strong forced-belief system can, and often does prevail. American traditional religions don't often try to force conversion or incite violence. Unfortunately Islam often does. Some athiests have arrived at their state through thoughtful analysis - but they do have convictions (albeit with no claim to supreme authority). Where atheists have become such due to "no better explanation," they are susceptible to being convinced of a better plan. Especially if a strong and forceful argument is presented.

And the other angle is that many people, even athiests, have a desire for power. In such cases they are likely to take up the cause from which they can gain the most power, whether they personally believe it or not.

Deb's examples were Adam Gadahn and John Lindh. Atheists turned radical muslims. If you're not that flavor of atheism, perhaps you're not under attack by Ms. Schussel. If you can overcome the offense, maybe you can see some points worth considering in her post.

If you don't like the ACLU or terrorists or socialism, it seems you're on the same team amigo.

#5 - Posted by: Spyndrilleum on February 12, 2007 01:15 PM

Deb Schlussel says that, as an atheist, I'm very likely to be seduced by radical Islam.

Which I thought was just the dumbest thing I'd ever heard.

Just keep reading her; it's only a matter of time until she says something dumber, if she hasn't already.

#6 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on February 12, 2007 01:34 PM

Is it possible to be a believing Christian and an Islamic Athiest at the same time?

#7 - Posted by: Derek on February 12, 2007 01:39 PM

Convincing argument there.
But I've decided to become a Hindu Atheist- I don't believe in more gods than you don't.

...or something like that.

#8 - Posted by: Bob in Feenicks on February 12, 2007 01:55 PM

Spyn - Good points, all.

My problem with Schlussel's post is that her reasoning is poor.

Walker and Gadahn didn't become terrorists because they were atheists, they did it because they abandoned atheism for Islam.

And the problem with people who oppose Christian prayers in school but not Muslim ones, isn't that they're atheists, it's that they're hypocrites when it comes to fighting for their interpretation of "separation of church and state".

I'm just miffed that she's scapegoating atheism when the blame lies elsewhere.

#9 - Posted by: Harvey on February 12, 2007 04:00 PM

Oh yeah Bob? Well, I don't believe in the Greek or Roman pantheons.

#10 - Posted by: Veeshir on February 12, 2007 04:31 PM

Yeah. The main problem is that they're evil (or deceived by evil, which has the same effect), not that they're atheist.

No ideology has a monopoly on nutcases.

#11 - Posted by: Spyndrilleum on February 12, 2007 05:44 PM

Personally,

I'm an Atheist-Atheist.

that means that I don't believe in Atheism.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Except they're gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with THAT...

Except it's so atheist.

#12 - Posted by: RightWingDuck on February 12, 2007 07:34 PM

I’m agnostic about the gay bit.

#13 - Posted by: Neo on February 12, 2007 08:34 PM

Pardon me as a God-fearin' Christian if I'm takin' liberalities with the Holy Book, but I think that if you love your neighbor as yourself and don't worship power, the God you don't believe in will probably have mercy on your soul.

Probably more mercy than on the souls of those who wrap themselves in Christianity while worshipping power and not loving neighbors.

We talk about faith as if belief were the be-all and end-all -- when it's which principles you trust that matter more.

Any good logical positivists among you atheists? (Not that logical positivism has to be organized or anything).

#14 - Posted by: Capitalist_B on February 12, 2007 08:42 PM

Capitalist - Not sure about the logical positivists. I'll ask around at the next International Atheist Conspiracy meeting, though :-)

#15 - Posted by: Harvey on February 12, 2007 09:02 PM

I’m more of a fuzzy logical positivist.

I believe that a systematic search for knowledge is a good way to get at some semblance of the truth. I also believe most simple truths are fixed and don’t depend on my cultural viewpoint, how I feel, or whether what I had for lunch agreed with me. It also means I recognize the limitations in any exploration of what is true and that I probably wouldn’t get it completely right even with way too much time on my hands. I’m not going to get totally upset because of every internal contradiction and trivial hole in reasoning just so I can get the major stuff right.

Oh dear God, I just became a Catholic.

#16 - Posted by: Neo on February 12, 2007 09:14 PM

An atheist is a person who says, "I don't believe in God, thank God!"

#17 - Posted by: SkyeChild on February 12, 2007 09:20 PM

I still say "bless you" when people sneeze :-)

#18 - Posted by: Harvey on February 12, 2007 09:48 PM

I usually refer to myself as a “Non-believer” instead of Atheist or Agnostic. The “A” word tends to get people upset plus the distinction gives me a headache. I don’t automatically see how it necessarily forbids considering the ethical, philosophical, and cultural aspects of Christianity on their own merits. I know that’s very different than a believer in the entire system, but there is a very long tradition of non-believers that aren’t necessarily hostile to all aspects of religion. I tend to think that calling oneself an Atheist and automatically cutting oneself off from a significant amount of civilized thought for the last few thousand years is being a bit hasty.

By the way, for those Catholics trying to decide if they’re going to be insulted by the above joke. It wasn’t meant as an insult. I would have liberally sprinkled F-bombs throughout the comment if I was trying to insult.

#19 - Posted by: Neo on February 12, 2007 09:51 PM

Neo - I'm not a militant, evangelical atheist, myself, and I readily acknowledge that Christianity has been a net benefit to civilization.

Also, the people I know who seriously take Christianity to heart tend to be, on average, a better class of folks than those who don't.

I wonder when "atheist" stopped meaning "unbeliever" and started meaning "religion hater"?


#20 - Posted by: Harvey on February 12, 2007 10:07 PM

So, while it was a good attempt, it wasn't funny.

#21 - Posted by: Omar the Barbarian on February 12, 2007 11:31 PM

“So, while it was a good attempt, it wasn't funny.”

If you’re referring to the Catholic joke at the end, it’s a bit too obscure I do admit. Although the Church often implores Catholics to understand it’s central principles and reasoning and not get too hung up contradictions and particular oddities and loose the big picture. That is a very Catholic approach (to a different system of reasoning).

I was taking the same (fuzzy) approach to logical positivism.

Note to self: Don’t make jokes that take too much effort to explain.

#22 - Posted by: Neo on February 13, 2007 12:29 AM

Harvey asked "I wonder when "atheist" stopped meaning "unbeliever" and started meaning "religion hater"?"

I think that was about the time communism/socialism became the official religion of the left ... which is about the time it became possible to BE on the left.

Capitalist said "... but I think that if you love your neighbor as yourself and don't worship power ..."
Well, heck, I'd love my neighbor ... if I wasn't worried my wife would catch me and run away with half my stuff" and I sure love power ... it allows me to turn on my computer, raise the garage door from the motorcycle seat, and run my power tools!

#23 - Posted by: pete in Midland on February 13, 2007 10:45 AM

Neo: it's not your fault. It's the public schools. If social studies classes would quit spending so much time quota-fying their history by ethnicity and would actually talk about the ideas and philosophers of the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, more people would get your joke. I certainly got it!

#24 - Posted by: Wacky Hermit on February 13, 2007 10:48 AM

Harvey asked "I wonder when "atheist" stopped meaning "unbeliever" and started meaning "religion hater"?"

I think that was about the time communism/socialism became the official religion of the left ... which is about the time it became possible to BE on the left.

Capitalist said "... but I think that if you love your neighbor as yourself and don't worship power ..."
Well, heck, I'd love my neighbor ... if I wasn't worried my wife would catch me and run away with half my stuff" and I sure love power ... it allows me to turn on my computer, raise the garage door from the motorcycle seat, and run my power tools!

#25 - Posted by: pete in Midland on February 13, 2007 10:55 AM

I'm Fascist and Jewish from China.

#26 - Posted by: Zhuang Hongbin on February 13, 2007 06:41 PM

Harvey -- I do hope the next IAC meeting goes well. :-)

pete -- you've just demonstrated what the problem with holy books is -- everyone insists on mis-interpreting them the way that's most convenient. :)

SkyeChild -- yup, that's the atheist's prayer, "Lord, save me from your followers!!!"

#27 - Posted by: Capitalist_B on February 13, 2007 08:01 PM

I ask that all the time, goddessanna. Never have gotten a good answer. Mostly I get shit like Neo-anderthal, conflating atheism with the socialist religion.

#28 - Posted by: MegaTroopX on February 18, 2007 09:04 PM
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