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February 14, 2007
... because Shick wasn't willing to license razorblade gum?
I saw this on Gizmodo:  That's right. LEGO snack treats. Because nothing says love like teaching your kids the fuzzy, choking hazard barrier between food and fun. According to the product page: Kosher Status Not Certified Folks, it doesn't take a rabbi to tell you that these things ain't Kosher. This got me to thinking about Dangerous Snacks For Kids, teaching them to stick various hazardous objects into their mouths, and the first thing to come to mind was "Light Socket Lollipops." Anybody out there as sick as me willing to give this challenge a shot? The comments are open. 31 Responses To "... because Shick wasn't willing to license razorblade gum?"
Lawn darts, gummy worms, and black licorice are cruel existing child commodities. How about edible tin foil, Kitchen cleaner snak pack, over sized microwave replicas for children to play in and FrankJ books for kids. #2 - Posted by: loomdog on February 14, 2007 12:34 PMI’m for starting a new line of chocolate and peanut butter treats shaped like dog turds. We’ll call them: “Reese’s Feces” Liquid Plumber brand fruit juice (no need to refrigerate; you can even store it under the sink) #4 - Posted by: Frank J. on February 14, 2007 01:42 PM"Cherry" bombs that actually taste like cherries! It'd be a million laffs! #5 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on February 14, 2007 01:42 PMFrosted Mini-Cleets Honey Bunches of Bolts Chocolate covered cherry bombs
'STRYCH-9', The Beverage That'll Really Kill Your Thirst! #6 - Posted by: AlanABQ on February 14, 2007 01:42 PMHow about PEZ dispensers shaped like full scale 9mm pistols? #7 - Posted by: FormerHostage on February 14, 2007 01:48 PMLil' teeny tiny suicide vests with pouches filled with taffy shaped like blocks of Semtex. #8 - Posted by: FormerHostage on February 14, 2007 01:56 PM"Spring Surprise" and "Crunchy Frog" leap to mind. Spun-sugar glassware. Drink up fast! Too big to easily fit in the mouth, so smack it against the side of the table first. #9 - Posted by: Cadrys on February 14, 2007 02:02 PMThey also make a Lego version of Eggos -- my 3 year old loves them. #10 - Posted by: Room 237 on February 14, 2007 02:23 PM//Lil' teeny tiny suicide vests with pouches filled with taffy shaped like blocks of Semtex. Lol!!! You could market them as Dora the Exploder! #11 - Posted by: AlanABQ on February 14, 2007 02:29 PMCrystal sugar in the shape of light bulbs--break and eat. #12 - Posted by: smitty on February 14, 2007 02:38 PMYou know those little packs in the packaging when you buy new stuff. The ones with "DO NOT EAT" printed on them? Along with those, put small packs of PopRocks in the boxes but print "EAT ME" on them (in Chinese) #13 - Posted by: FormerHostage on February 14, 2007 02:42 PMAlan, Super Glue Lip Gloss Actually, a few years ago, turd-shaped chocolates were a big seller in Europe. Figures. #15 - Posted by: Tommy the Towelhead on February 14, 2007 04:56 PMI politely ask all of you commenting on this thread to get back to work, I am paying you to develop new product not sit and chat all day. Those of you who don't work for Mainway Industries, please forward me a copy of your resume. I may have a position for you in the product development division. Sincerely, (obscure?) #16 - Posted by: Irwin Mainway on February 14, 2007 05:26 PMA far sturdier bough of satire, Simon. Okay, let's see, what do we got? How about Relay Race Scissors? #17 - Posted by: bunkerboy on February 14, 2007 06:31 PMKids! Play Doctor with Happy Fun Electrical Outlet Tongue Depressors! Make delicious and healthy beverages with the Briggs & Stratton Fruit Smoothie Lawnmower Blender! Develop valuable indoor track skills with the 400 meter relay baton sissors! Delight your friends with New Blue Mouth Tidy Bowl Breath Freshner. Tylenol brand red-and-white hard candies - they come in a cool little cylindrical container with a pop-off lid (twist-off version also available). Mr. Yuk brand juice drink. #19 - Posted by: SilverBubble on February 14, 2007 07:32 PMJim Jones brand kool-aid (at least it's a lot better for society than Liberal brand kool-aid!) Toster bath toys. Bambo shard cookies. 10 guage steel bb gun targets. Shotgun shell romp-a-stompers. Lawn edger sit&spin. Oh, and Alan...the vest would go better as an accesory with Di$ney "Al Quida Aladan and Jihad Jasmine" dolls. #20 - Posted by: Wolfman Dan on February 14, 2007 08:35 PM"Lawn darts" Oh, man, the memories. I had some of these (I think they were called Jarts) when I was 10 and my brother was 7. We would hurl those things at each other from about 15-20 yards away and have to dive out of the way at the last second lest we be impaled with a 16 inch semi-guided missile with a 9 inch rusty prison shank on the end. Other toys? Other than Mr. Mainway, does anyone remember Dan Aykroyd and "Bag of Glass" on SNL back when it was still a funny show? #21 - Posted by: slug on February 14, 2007 10:02 PMI remember the Dan Akroyd character. My favorite was the invisible pedestrian. a black sheet to be worn at night. Maybe that was Gary Larson, Oh well. #22 - Posted by: loomdog on February 14, 2007 10:18 PMTo all those suggesting anything that has do do with scissors and running: I did this when I was three, I don't remember if it was fun at the time, but it but the big black scar on my left eye is a great conversation starter. You may think I'm kidding, but I'm not. I really did run with scissors, fall, and poke them into my eye. #23 - Posted by: Ran with scissors on February 15, 2007 02:29 AMDora the Exploder!!! LOL that is so horrible but hilarious. #24 - Posted by: Emily on February 15, 2007 03:32 AMMy boys would actually like these! Come on, whose boys wouldn't actually like to have legos that their mom DOESN'T take out of their mouths? :) #25 - Posted by: Wacky Hermit on February 15, 2007 08:02 AMHow about candy cigarettes, or a gum shredded and packaged in a pouch like chewing tobacco? Oh, wait... #26 - Posted by: Stephen on February 15, 2007 12:08 PMMy favorite part about the lawn darts was when some klutz would hold onto one too long and end up throwing it way up in the air. “Everybody, cover your head and run for your life” Almost as fun as bottle rocket and fire cracker wars. By the way, if in a bottle rocket fight, (Not Advised) don’t carry around the box with all the fireworks. #27 - Posted by: NEo on February 15, 2007 01:48 PMHey, don't make fun of Lego candy, with toast, juice and milk they provide all the vitamins and nutrients of juice, milk,toast and sugar. How about Roach Motel raisin boxes? I'm a little surprised I'm the first with:
DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL #30 - Posted by: Gun Toting Whacko on February 15, 2007 03:27 PMSomething like the fun dip candy, where you lick your finger and stick it into the pouch of sugar, except make it in the shape of a wall power outlet. Just stick your finger into the outlet for sugary goodness! #31 - Posted by: Junglejake on February 16, 2007 03:57 PMPost a comment
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