 |
|
|
|
About IMAO Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!  Buy funniest book ever!  IMAO Podcasts IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter
 Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!
About IMAO
If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK. About Frank J. Bloggers: Frank J. Harvey RightWingDuck Cadet Happy spacemonkey Laurence Simon SarahK Popular Categories
Fred Thompson FactsJohn Edwards Fabulous Facts lolterizt IMAO Condensed Know Thy Enemy Editorials Frank the Artist In My World Other Content
Ode to ViolenceBrief Histories IMAO Audio Bits  Read the Essay Own the Shirt Peace Gallery Search IMAO
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds "Unfunny treasonous ronin!" -Lou Tulio* "You, sir, are a natural born killer." -E. Harrington "You'll never get my job! Never!!!" -Jonah Goldberg "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO." -No One of Consequence "A blogger with a sense of humor." -Some Woman on MSNBC Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQThe Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Blackfive Captain's Quarters Classical Values Conservative Grapevine The Corner The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!) Dave in Texas Eject! Eject! Eject! Electric Venom Hot Air Puppy Blender La Shawn Barber's Corner Michelle Malkin Pereiraville Protein Wisdom Rachel Lucas Right Wing News Scrappleface Serenity's Journal Townhall Blog IMAO Blogroll Bad Example Cadet Happy The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles mountaineer musings Right Wing Duck  This Blog Is Full of Crap Fred Thompson Links Fred File Blogs for Fred Fred Thompson Facts Awards
|
February 21, 2007
Post About Clear Movie Titles
Jim Treacher over at The Daily Gut posts a movie trailer for Hobo with a Shotgun, a move about a hobo who obtains a shotgun. While this is a trailer for a fictional movie, I like the idea of movies that state their premise clearly in their title, like Snakes on a Plane. Too many Hollywood people want to get all artsy and poetic with titles when we just want to know what the move is actually about without having to read reviews by pompous movies critics. Were Hobo with a Shotgun an actual movie, it would probably end up with some artsy obscure title like Reynold's Nightmare. Now, what was the biggest blockbuster of all time? Star Wars. People saw that title and was like, "Hey! I bet that movie has wars in the stars! Let's see that!" and thus history was made. Were the movie to come out today, for the title they'd probably take some obscure line from the movie and try to conflate it to what the entire film is about, like The Fool Who Follows. No one would go see it. And what's my favorite movie? The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly - and that's exactly what the movie was about. The only way it could be clearer would be to add the subtitle "They're All After Gold!" Let's look at last weekend: What was the number one movie? Ghost Rider. Seems to be a movie about a ghost who rides; might be interesting. Another movie that came out was Bridge to Terabithia. Wha? Why would I want to see that? All I it sounds like I'll see is some bridge and a place called Terabithia which could be in Europe for all I know. I'll pass, thank you. Clear titles clearly make better movies. If I made a movie, I'd title it Pirate Pete's Adventures in Pirate Land: A Movie About Pirates. No guesswork needed to know what you'd be getting. So let's try and make some other movies better by giving them clearer titles: CLEARER MOVIE TITLES Casablanca -> African Bar with Nazis Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? -> Fugitive Singing Stars Rashômon -> Unreliable Witnesses Good Will Hunting -> Janitor Math Genius Reservoir Dogs -> Bank Robber Flashback Fun Million Dollar Baby -> Girly Boxing Tragedy The Shawshank Redemption -> The Great Rape Escape The Silence of the Lambs -> Professor People-Eater Chinatown -> The Private Eye in the Case of Secret Incestuousness Sling Blade -> Potato-Eating Killer Man Jacob's Ladder -> The Wacky Dreams of a Dying Vietnam Vet Magnolia -> Crazy Interweaving Story Time Blade Runner -> Killer Android Attack Gone with the Wind -> Did That Guy Just Swear?! Brokeback Mountain -> Gay Cowboys in Search of Oscars Brazil -> Huh? What Was That Crap? An Inconvenient Truth -> Someone Pay Attention to Me! Please! What are your favorite clear movie titles and what movies titles do you think could use improving? 50 Responses To "Post About Clear Movie Titles"
Syriana - Big Oil Snark Fest Jarhead - Desert Storm Snark Fest Donnie Darko - Crazy Rabbit Ghost Tells Stupid Kid to Do Bad Things Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood - Bitter, Selfish Woman Treats Family Badly Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Two Selfish People Getting Their Brains Scrambled Gladiator - Totally Hetero--Probably Wouldn't Be Interested #1 - Posted by: PaleoMedic on February 21, 2007 10:40 AM"Post About Clear Move Titles"??? Frank, Frank, Frank. How many times have we told you that you shouldn't rely on Rowdi as an editor? She's always letting stuff like this slip through. #2 - Posted by: Master Shake on February 21, 2007 10:57 AMBlow: not what you think The Sixth Sense--Dead Shrink Harasses a Little Kid An Inconvenient Truth--Run, Algore's Got a Slide Show! #4 - Posted by: PaleoMedic on February 21, 2007 11:12 AMCars: Living/Talking Cars Robots: Living/Talking Robots GhostBusters: Living Talking GhostBusters #5 - Posted by: spacemonkey on February 21, 2007 11:48 AMNapolean Dynamite--Contains Neither French Emperors nor Explosives Blue Hawaii--Elvis in Tiny Little Pants #6 - Posted by: PaleoMedic on February 21, 2007 12:02 PMClear Title: Clearer Title: p.s. The best parts were the black viking and the leather miniskirt the Indian princess wore. #7 - Posted by: FormerHostage on February 21, 2007 12:04 PMCitizen Kane: Publishers are jerks, in Black and White. Can't think of a color version. #8 - Posted by: Greg Zywicki on February 21, 2007 12:24 PMStar Trek: The Motion Picture - 30 Minutes of the Outside of the Enterprise While an Old Space Probe Kidnaps a Bald Chick. Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan - No Longer "Mr. Roarke," Richardo Montalban Kicks some Star Fleet Ass Star Trek: The Search for Spock - We Didn't Mean To Kill Off Spock, It's A Miracle, He's Back, but Kirstie Alley is gone. Star Trek: The Voyage Home - Kirk and Spock Save the Whales and Save the Earth Star Trek: The Final Frontier - Oops, We Let William Shatner Write and Direct This Piece of Crap Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country - Veiled Reference to the Fall of the Soviet Union with Klingon Good Guys Suing for Peace While the Evil Military is Still Full of Evil Murderousness #9 - Posted by: keith on February 21, 2007 12:28 PM"I want that hobo's head on my wall tonight! And whoever brings him to me gets all my BROADS!" #10 - Posted by: Jim Treacher on February 21, 2007 12:41 PMSeven Samurai -> Samurai (And A Couple Of Fakers) Hired To Defend Poor Village From Bandits, Die 13th Warrior -> Muslim Doesn't Attempt To Kill Pagan Heathens For Not Converting To Islam But Kills A Lot of Other Things First Knight -> Sean Connery Plays King Arthur, Julia Ormond Plays Guenevere Whom ISN'T A Complete Slut (Richard Gere isn't important) Raiders of the Lost Ark -> Harrison Ford Shoots Bad Guy (That thing about Ford shortening the scene due to dysentery , BTW) Renaissance Man -> Probably The Most Accurate Depiction Of Boot Camp To Date #11 - Posted by: Basilisk on February 21, 2007 12:44 PMThirteenth Warrior - Vikings and really girly Muslim guy fight crazy drugged up pygmies near a waterfall. Snatch - Diamond Theft/Boxing Madness with Accents Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels - Gambling Debt Payoff Reefer/Cash Theft Madness with Accents #12 - Posted by: DesertElephant on February 21, 2007 12:45 PMDamn! Bas got to the 13th Warrior first and had a better title. Jerk. =+) #13 - Posted by: DesertElephant on February 21, 2007 12:47 PMThe Family Stone = If You Don't Support Gay Adoption You Suck Little Miss Sunshine = Surprise, Frank Is Gay Superman Returns = No Really, Superman Was Actually Gay The Devil Wears Prada = A Movie Only The Gay Fashion Industry Will Love Step Up = A Movie Only Gay Dancers Will Love Running With Scissors = Diary of A Gay Boy Imagine Me & You = We're All Secretly Lesbians Pirates of the Caribbean = The Gayest Pirate Ever the Dish: Aussies help with Moon Landing coverage. History plus comedy. Groundhog Day: My husband's favorite. A Christmas Story: Bob's other favorite. Babe: talking pig thinks its a sheep #15 - Posted by: joyce on February 21, 2007 01:09 PMSnatch: Pig-Feeding Gangstar vs. Wild F**king Gypsy The Hunt For Red October: Commies aren't that bad Napolean Dynamite: Geeks are cool The Red Dragon: Killer Hair-Lip Gone In Sixty Seconds: Car-Theft For Charity Serenity: Old West-type Space Cowboys Kick Authoritarian Propaganda Butt And a gimme... The Princess Bride: Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles #17 - Posted by: slarrow on February 21, 2007 01:23 PMGoonies=Fat Kid Dances, Asian Kid Stereotypes, Retarded Football Player Turns On His Criminal Family Lord of the Rings Trilogy=The Longest Movie About Hiking Ever Equilibrium=Ninja Gunfighter Destroys Liberal Ideals (Although I'm Sure That's Not What The Movie Makers Intended) Boondock Saints=Pulp Fiction With An Irish Accent American Beauty=Sweet Statuatory! The Usual Suspects=Kevin Spacey Is Keyser Soze Rushmore=The Stalker's Guide To The Universe The Crow=When Given The Choice Between Doing This Movie Or Doing Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, Brandon Lee Should Have Chosen The Latter, You Know, Because He Died While Making The Crow And It Wasn't A Very Good Movie Anyway Hook=Robin Williams In Green Tights #18 - Posted by: G Fresh on February 21, 2007 01:32 PMFull Metal Jacket = Marines Aren't "Peter Puffers" #19 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on February 21, 2007 01:32 PMNarnia = The Devil Loses #20 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on February 21, 2007 01:34 PMBrokeback Mountain = Hombres on Hershey Highway #21 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on February 21, 2007 01:35 PMThe Last Samurai -> Yay monarchy! The Day After Tomorrow -> We didn't listen! 2001 -> Artsy Filmwork: Combined With a Plot You Will Never be Allowed to Admit You Thought Was Boring as Hell #22 - Posted by: on February 21, 2007 01:53 PMFlashdance: Struggling to Succeed in Sexy Tight Outfits The Outlaw Josey Wales: Cowboy Spittin’ n Shootin’ Blade: They’re Vampires, It Doesn’t Matter How Many I Kill Heartbreak Ridge: Clint Kills Cubans – Cool! Land of the Dead: Liberal Masturbation Fantasy with Zombies The Village: Really Crazy Rich People Get to do Really Crazy Things Mean Girls: Hot Chicks Act Mean but it’s OK Because Hey, They’re Hot! The Professional: Hitman Kills Bad Dudes, Natalie Portman Gets to Watch Troy: Brad Pitt Slays Men and Women Using Two Different Weapons Anaconda: Big Snake at All You Can Eat Stupid Human Buffet King Arthur: Centurion Slaughters Saxons Daylight: Poseidon Adventure Underground The Alamo (remake): Mexicans Solders: They’re People! The Producers: Marines Storm Terrorist Fortress to Rescue Hooter Girls- Not! Something's Gotta Give: Someone’s Gotta Give Me a Refund 10 Things I Hate About You: If You Force Me Watch This Shakespeare Re-make it Will make Number 11 on My List. The Crying Game: You Know, For a Woman, You Have a Really Nice Johnson. #23 - Posted by: PR guy in NY on February 21, 2007 01:58 PMThe Last Samurai -> Yay monarchy! The Day After Tomorrow -> We didn't listen! 2001 -> Artsy Filmwork: Combined With a Plot You Will Never be Allowed to Admit You Thought Was Boring as Hell LOL! Though for The Last Samurai, my own title would have been, "See? There's A Cherry Tree! We Got At Least ONE Thing About Japanese Culture Correct!" #24 - Posted by: Basilisk on February 21, 2007 02:08 PM//Lord of the Rings Trilogy=The Longest Movie About Hiking Ever G-Fresh// L-O-L! Yer killin' me! SE7EN/ Hey Cop, Your Wife Just Gave Me Head; HER Head The Devil's Advocate/ Keanu CAN Act & Lawyers Are Pure Evil Fight Club/ Don't Beat Yourself Up; Beat Up Someone Else Brazil/ ...? Me, Myself & Irene/ Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I Have MPD, and So Do I The Day After Tomorrow/ EARTH: The World's Most Dangerous Planet #25 - Posted by: AlanABQ on February 21, 2007 03:13 PMThe Blood of Heros: Football with a dog skull. Futuresport: Dean Cain, hot as usual. Practical Magic: GIRL POWER!!! Starship Troopers: Casper Van Dien takes public punishment well and still kills bugs. #26 - Posted by: shimauma on February 21, 2007 04:01 PMFor what it's worth, on all of the re-released, updated Star Wars information, they refer to it as "A New Hope." Not quite as bad as "The Fool Who Follows"... but I had to make sure it got mentioned. Yep, and I still call it "Star Wars", too. #27 - Posted by: BigJohn on February 21, 2007 04:02 PMThe Patriot - Braveheart fights a condensed American Revolutionary War Braveheart - Lots of Scottish people kill lots of English people with little historical accuracy. Girl, Interrupted - Selfish hippy brat goes to a looney bin and realizes the 60's Hippy movement was ass. Whoppie Golberg goes two whole hours without a Republican/Bush "joke." Terminator - Ummm.... actually that one stands by itself. #28 - Posted by: DesertElephant on February 21, 2007 04:12 PMAmerican Gigilo: Hey guys, he gets paid to do it. Hey gals, you would pay him to do it. #29 - Posted by: DohXs on February 21, 2007 07:05 PMRocky = Rambo goes boxing #30 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on February 21, 2007 07:06 PMRambo = Rocky goes military #31 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on February 21, 2007 07:06 PMFahrenheit 911 - An Anti-American rant of complete fiction (including the "documentary" part) by an obese idiot with a liberal axe to grind. Dr. Strangelove - A war-mongering Air Force General forces the Soviets to commit nuclear suicide True Grit - Baby-sitting, one-eyed cowboy kills multiple bad guys and taunts a Texas Ranger #32 - Posted by: Gun Nut on February 21, 2007 07:10 PMGuys, there's supposed to be accurate titles, not one sentence descriptions. #33 - Posted by: Frank J. on February 21, 2007 07:29 PMHannah Does her Sisters (X) porn The Stepford Wives (new version): Men suck Dune: Sand and Big Worms Idiocracy: Modern America Documentary The Magnificent Seven: Samurai With Guns Resident Evil: Talk About Bloodsuckers for bad titles... I still have no idea what Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is about. Its way too vague and symbolic and junk like that. #37 - Posted by: Mike on February 22, 2007 02:53 AMBrokeback Mountain -> Mount Manbutt #38 - Posted by: FormerHostage on February 22, 2007 07:39 AMGuys, there's supposed to be accurate titles, not one sentence descriptions. Posted by: Frank J. on February 21, 2007 07:29 PM
Winnie the Pooh-Stuffed animals conspire to dominate the world The Jungle Book-animals in India conspire to dominate the world Aristocats- cats in france conspire to take old lady's money and dominate the world Lion King- uppty african animals conspire to dominate the world Herbie the Lovebug- Everybody was so high in the Sixties they thought cars were alive...and conspired to dominate the world... #39 - Posted by: shimauma on February 22, 2007 08:36 AMDamn, so late in the game. Oh well, here goes: Sideways -> Whine Gets Bitter With Age #40 - Posted by: bunkerboy on February 22, 2007 10:44 AMAlways a day late and a dollar short. Galaxy Quest- The real Star Trek Weekend at Bernies- Don't Tell Anyone the Boss is dead. Sahara- Hot (men, women, action, temperature - take your pick) Peter Pan- What Women Don't Want Hot Shots- The Real Charile Sheen (a docudrama) Castaway-1hour alone with Tom Hanks Top Gun- A Visual Representation of Tom Cruise's Ego The Devil Wears Prada- The Real Merrill Streep Independence Day- The Anti- Dr. Strangelove Back to the Future -> Parental hypocrisy feat. time travel Back to the Future II -> Just time travel this time Back to the Future III -> Now it's a western! Genius! Bicentennial Man -> Robot has man-envy, doesn't become killer because the original story is from before the hate-all-humanity era of liberal sci-fi The Longest Day -> Kicking Nazi ass Die Hard -> Terrorists in the Skyscraper Die Hard 2: Die Harder -> Terrorists in the Airport Die Hard with a Vengeance -> Terrorists about town Galaxy Quest -> What if Star Trek were real? Hulk -> Monsters have feeeleeengs too! Jurassic Park -> Dinosaurs! Versus! People! Kill Bill vol. 1 -> Girl kicks all sorts of ass, w/stylish visuals Knight Rider -> Teen hearttrob with a talking car Tomb Raider -> It was actually a great game, once upon a time, but everyone stopped at looking at Lara's ass The Godfather -> Lots of crap happens at random, and a lot of people die The Godfather Part II -> More crap happens at random, and a lot more people die The Godfather Part III -> Once you forget the age difference, it's more random crap with people dying Misery -> Attack of the Fan Night Watch -> Russians can botch book to film translations too! Pearl Harbor -> Annoying Love Triangle crap that may or may not be set around Dec 1941 in Hawaii Pulp Fiction -> Average, random mob film with screwy editing Robocop 3 -> Gay Robocop Rope -> 51 ways to hide an editing cut Shadow of a Doubt -> That Perverse Little Uncle Blegh, that's enough. #42 - Posted by: Francesco Poli on February 22, 2007 12:26 PMFrank, sorry but the clear title concept is a tiny bit confusing. Posters are trying their best. #43 - Posted by: imao fan on February 22, 2007 12:26 PMBrokeback Mountain -> Sheepherders Forsake Livestock, Abuse Each Other #44 - Posted by: Anon Y. Mous on February 22, 2007 01:51 PMFarenheit 9/11 An Inconvenient Truth Brokeback Mountain Akira Malcolm X Casino Royale: Bond vs. the Frenchie
Best. Title. Evar. #46 - Posted by: Steve the Pirate on February 22, 2007 10:54 PMBrokeback Mountain -> I Poke Ewe, You Poke Me Fahrenheit 9/11 -> Moore Lefty Drivel An Inconvenient Truth -> Will Somebody Please Warm Up To Me #47 - Posted by: bunkerboy on February 23, 2007 12:34 AMBrokeback Mountain / Men In Crack #48 - Posted by: AlanABQ on February 23, 2007 02:19 PMA Christmas Story = you WILL shoot your eye out! Big Trouble in Little China -> Big Trouble in Little China #50 - Posted by: Beo on February 23, 2007 11:53 PMPost a comment
|
Buy IMAO T-Shirts 
 
 
IMAO T-Shirts
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe (winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!! Yay! Books!
Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24American Idol Aqua-Adventures Barackalypse Now Best of IMAO 2002 Best of IMAO 2006 Bite-Sized Wisdom Editorials Election 2008 Filthy Lies Frank Answers Frank Discussions Frank on Guns Frank Reads the Bible Frank the Artist Fred Thompson Facts Friday Cat-Blogging Fun Trivia Hellbender Hellbender Take Two Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths Humor I Hate Frank If I Were President ignis fatuous IMAO Condensed IMAO Exclusives IMAO for the Non-Deaf IMAO Reviews IMAO Think Tank In My World In My World - Fan Fiction John Edwards Fabulous Facts Know Thy Enemy lolterizt Michael Moore Mitt Romney Ads News Round-Up Newsish Fakery No, McCain't Our Military Permalink Contest Precision Guided Humor Assignments Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul Ronin Profiles Ronin Thought of the Day SarahK's TV stuff Scary Evil Monkey Simpsons Trivia Songs & Poems State of the Frank Report Superego Totally True Tidbits WEsistance Is Facile Why Me Laugh? Yvonne's Ashes By Month
December 2008September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 March 1933
|
Stumble It!
