I havent figured out how to leave comments on that site yet as I just joined it this morning to read the story so I am going to post my comments here.

The only thing that I thought would be better is to take the first part by the pond and move it down to where it picks up again by the pond. I think that a bit to much is revealed in the begining part. When you introduce us to the Fallen and the concept of resurrection in the battle part of the story it is (and should be) vauge. When Doug dies we know that he is going to come back as Doug and how already. It would be a nice surprise when the Devil explains the Fallen and how resurrection works later on.

Also I think it would be a neat idea if not everyone gets to come back from the dead. I get the idea that what the soul has to go through to get back is painful and horrible so much that no one wants to die and go through it. Maybe a small percentage come back as the things in the wasteland. That way even though you go through the pain of resurrection you are relieved when you come back as you and not a beast.

Derek, All very bad points. The flashback seen is awesome. Also, the fact that no one can get in or out and all are brought back adds to the desperation and madness of the story. So, go back to reading Marion Zimmer Bradley sucka!

Derek has valid points.

Originally, the first chapter was chronological, but I decided it didn't have enough of a hook if it started with some war scene and not a hint of the larger issues at large. I think it's slightly awkward as is, but it's also more compelling.

Death is a horrible thing in the world despite the resurrections. If people don't always come back, though, that radically alters the dynamic.

The man wanted an opinion so I gave it.

But in the interest of fairness, I will read it again and figure out how to post a detailed, point by point, critic of the first chapter of a work in progress on Baen's.

Will this make folks happy?

Nice. I like it. Will need to go back again to post comments in the Bar though; the page kept timing out. Seriously though it's pretty good. Can't wait for the second chapter.

I haven't been able to comment on the slush pile due to their issues. FrankJ I am a smart American and am allowed to post comments "Supposedly". Why aren't you ripping these guys for commenting here, like you did me. Is it because I said you married up, or maybe even the election day sweater comments (still waiting for pictures). I won't even comment on Hellbender or the fact that they already have a name for their group prior to their military desertion.

Loom,

In my defense, I posted at the slush pile and my post here was to counter the other user's post here. :-) I think Frank has a great beginning to the story, but that I've already shared at the "Bar".