Randy knows the guys are going to be a lot better than last week. Are you sure, Randy? Are you sure? I'm gonna hold you to that. Paula says have fun and own the song. Which means she's gonna have fun with her Loopy Juice. Simon looks into her drink glass. Ryan calls Simon his friend, and Simon has no comment.

Tonight they are supposed to dedicate their songs to someone who inspires them. I feel a good cry and a load of sarcasm welling up inside me. I hope Chris Sligh dedicates his performance to The Hoff or Simon. Maybe AJ will dedicate his song to Ryan. A snarker can dream, right?

WH... Phil Stacey is up first, and I hope he can redeem himself the teeniest bit by dedicating his performance to his wife, whom he abandoned when she was nine months pregnant so he could audition for AI -- she had to have the baby all alone. Nope. He's still a big giant pinkytoe. Looks like one too. He dedicates it to his navy command or something. He's trying to play up the military angle so we'll like him. It's not working on me. I LOVE the military, but why didn't he ever mention it before? Suddenly he wants to play it up, because he knows all the girls hate him because of the baby thing. Maybe if it had been the Marines (no offense, Harvey -- you know I heart you, but the Navy guys wear white all the time, and that does not work for me). Oh, and he's singing "Missing You" by John Waite, also done very well by Tina Turner (I love that woman). It's so stinking blah until the end, then it gets pretty good. One note is precarious, but he holds onto it and works it out, dawg. I don't think this is great because most of the song is just boring. I think it's a bad song choice. It's not exciting me until the last few bars. Randy says yippie ki-yay, you're hot and showing your power. Paula loves his tone and hears him on the radio. Paula, the radio is not on, check your vodka levels, sweetheart. Simon isn't jumping out of his chair, loved the film piece about the military (sucker), doesn't think he has originality at all, and is a very good karaoke singer right now. Ryan says but his popularity will help him, and Simon says don't worry, you'll be back next week. Good job with the reverse psychology, Simon. Wink wink. I thank you.

They've flashed to Jeff Foxworthy in the audience multiple times.

Ryan asks Sundance what he heard over the weekend. Sundance said that people told him not to be so crappy. LOL. Yes, you listened to us!

02... Jared Cotter is doing Marvin Gaye. Prepare for suckitude, world. Simon told him to be more adventurous, so he's doing Marvin Gaye!! Come ON, what you should do is read my last few years' stuff. Marvin Gaye does not work with the majority of voters on this show. No no no no no. He's for real singing "Let's Get It On". I'm out. Knowing that you have all these five, ten, fifteen, sixty, and eighty year-old women watching you, you choose this song. You're so stupid. Not to mention that it's nothing I haven't heard before from my husband. ;-) I have to tell you. I think he went for steamy. I felt like an oversized kid was up there trying to show off for the kids on the playground. And the voice was fine, pitchy occasionally, screechy at times, but it didn't stand out in a good way. I've heard better than that from the songleaders at church. Singing hymns. That don't make me want to shower afterwards. And I don't mean shower because I got all hot and bothered. I mean because I feel like you spat on me during your antics. What was with rubbing on your face? Did you have something on it? Next, please. Randy liked the voice and loved the face thing. Paula thought the face thing was good on Jared but he pushed it too much. Simon thought it was corny in parts and would have been the cabaret singer on the Love Boat. Jared retorts with, "That would have been a great Love Boat." No, Jared, I would have gotten off at the first port of call. Ryan doesn't know where to start but starts here:

RYAN: And the things we've all done to that song. Man! The memories!
SARAHK: Yeah. Not very convincing, Ryan.
FRANK J.: Oh, like Ryan couldn't have any woman he wanted... if he wanted a woman.

Ryan actually asks Jared to do the face thing again. Mmmhmm, Ryan.

Oh wait! I forgot to watch his inspirational video. Tivo! He's dedicating to his mom and dad. Mom made him audition. Dad made him listen to Stevie Wonder and Donnie Hathaway. Ok, nothing changed my mind about whether I loved that song. I did not.

03... AJ Tabaldo is next, and he's dedicating to his mom and dad. Because they love him and stuff. He looks good, is dressed sharply. Jeans, 3/4 sleeve shirt (I forgive him, because it's not pink, it's a nice manly green), black vest. I can understand his words at the beginning of the song, he's starting off very slowly with limited band music. This is a song I've never heard, called "Feeling Good". It's been done by apparently everyone recently. Muse, Pussycat Dolls, Michael Buble. He is singing this really well, and I'm in shock. He's singing in English! I could do without the gayish hand movements, but he sings so well tonight that I just don't care. I take back everything I said about him last week. Doggone, who am I going to pick on for the rest of the night? Who will my standard joke fallback be? Not AJ. I will not pick on him for the rest of the night. Randy liked it. Paula says he has a great great voice, rah! rah!, Simon is surprised by him (I know, right?) and says he looked strangely comfortable and was almost very very good. AJ says he took their constructive criticism and went way out of his R&B comfort zone to do the song. Might I vote for him? Take a deep breath, SarahK. I might.

04... Sanjaya is dedicating to his dead grandpa. Not his sister, who got cut earlier in the season. He's wearing slacks, a maroon shirt, a top hat. His hair is in a ponytail. He's singing "Steppin' Out with My Baby", a standard by Irving Berlin. It's so quiet. The entire song is boring. Even the end when he tries to put the big finish on it is a bore. He's wooden onstage. At the end he smiles huge at the judges, because he knows how bad it was. Randy says it was a bad talent show. Paula says at least it wasn't pitchy, but hey, maybe you should sing younger songs. Simon pushes her to finish more quickly. Simon says it was like after lunch where the parents ask the kids to dress up and sing. Very weak, a little weird, and somewhat whispered. Paula wants to know why he did the song. Sanjaya says he wanted to celebrate the great heroes of music, the classics. Dude, wait for Tony Bennet.

So far, AJ is the best.

05... Chris Sligh is next, and he tells Ryan that the secret to the volume of his hair is as much conditioner as possible. And his dedication is to his wife Sarah. What is it with geeky, funny guys getting super-hot wives named Sarah? Wow, look at her! And his dedication video is wonderful. He is so sweet about his wife! Phil, take notice. And he is singing "Trouble" by Ray LaMontagne, which Taylor did last year, if I'm not mistaken. And this is good. This is really good. I'm just smiling with teeth the whole time. I'm going to rewind and listen a second time. It's that good. I love that he wears Converse with his baggy suits. It's great on the rewind, too. Randy says he's even better than last week, and good song choice. Paula says yes, good, and good wife dedication. You're awesome, but watch your pitch and getting ahead of the song. I didn't hear that tonight. Simon says he is a really good singer tonight. He was a little worried about him dedicating a song called "Trouble" to his wife, but the lyric made sense. Chris says he has been saved by a woman. Awww. Yay for Chris! First place! Oh. I suppose I should listen to the other five first. Whatever. Ryan says Chris gets a free pass for a while out of the doghouse.

06... Nick Pedro dedicates to his girlfriend. He's singing "Fever". No, really. What a horrible song choice. No he is not doing the hip-hop hand moves for this. Huh. I'm baffled by the song choice. The tone quality was good, the song choice was awful, the hand jive was hideous, he rushed ahead of the band, and it was boring. Ugh. I didn't love Nick tonight. I love the "Vote for Pedro" gimmick, but I don't love Nick tonight.

07... Blake Lewis dedicates to his parents. His dad is a hard worker, and his mom is talented in the music department. Oh yes. Dad is the one with the funny rhythm. And Blake is... NO. NO. NO. He is singing a song called "Virtual Insanity" by Jamiroquai. It's about life in the digital age. NO. NO. NO. He is singing a song about life in the digital age and how insane it is. I love the scatting. In the beginning he sounds very Maroon 5 to me, and I love Maroon 5. In the middle, I love the scatting. Did I mention the scatting? Jason Mraz is another scatter I love. Whoa whoa whoa, what happened there at the end with the pitchiness, dawg? The falsetto is good. But come on, please. Virtual insanity. These have got to be the corniest song lyrics since "Digital Getdown" by 'NSYNC. And we've had "Don't Cha" since then. So you see the gravity of the situation. I'm sorry, Blake, I can't get past the horrid lyrics. Dude, I'm typing right now, and when I click "Save", what I just typed will be out there on the interwebs. That's so insane in this digital age! Awful. But I did love the scatting. I hope enough of the teeny-boppers don't care about corniness and vote to keep you around, because you're one of my favorites. Randy says that's what he's talking about, baby! Paula ya ya ya! Simon disagrees and says exactly what I said with a few added details: the beginning was a copycat of the original, the scatting was good and original, and the end was pitchy. You were better last week. SarahK: except the scatting. I like the addition of the scatting. Other than that, you were better last week.

Speaking of Mr. A to Z, Chris Richardson just told Seacrest that he will be singing "Geek in the Pink" in a bit. Yes! That will be pure joy for me if he doesn't screw it up. It's on my iPod, in my "running" playlist.

08... Brandon Rogers dedicates "Time After Time" to his dead grandmother. He's wearing a pink shirt. His voice is shaky at first. He's behind the music the whole time, like every single line, he's trying to remember the words. I thought it was really boring. And honestly, I sang "Time After Time" on our karaoke game this weekend to see if I could get a perfect score, 50K points, and yes, I did, and I think I did better on it. It was so over-thought-out, if that makes sense. Really, y'all, I just can't wait to get to "Geek in the Pink". Seriously, if he pulls that off? Anyway, this didn't do it for me. Randy thinks it's great that he dedicated it to his Grams, but it was boring. Brandon says, but I was really trying to put my heart into it so I didn't think it needed extra. Paula says he didn't need to oversing, and no one knows how it feels to dedicate it to the Grama. Simon rolls his eyes and says let's take it back to a singing competition and forget all the rubbish about your dedication. Simon says you have to get past the "I'm feeling it" nonsense and show that you are a good singer, which you are. Brandon tells everyone it's his dad's birthday, and he feels great about singing the song. Simon says, btw, it's my mum's birthday in November. Oh, and I love puppies. LOL. Randy admits to liking dogs. Poor Brandon, but he totally walked into that.

09... Chris Richardson is dedicating to his Grama, his "Big Mama". Um, have you read "Geek in the Pink" lyrics? Do you know what you will be singing to dear old Gram? Just saying, that's not a song to dedicate to your Grama. It's got some grexual overtones. This performance is great. I would have said excellent except that he had a hard time keeping the microphone to his mouth so we could hear him. His singing was a cross between Mr. A to Z and Justin Timberlake. Dancing and aftershocks (that's the body movements after the song is over) were very JT. But the microphone technique was very RightWingDuck during the hiatused IMAO Podcast. Y'all don't know what I go through to make it so y'all can hear him. ;-D Randy says it was better than Jason Mraz himself, and that is absolute blasphemy. Someone tie him to a stake and set him on fire for me, would you? Not really, ok? If Randy is set on fire soon, please take note that I withdrew my request, so don't look at me. Paula says it was a funny song for dedicating to your Grama. Oh no! Did someone replace my Dasani with vodka tonight? Because she and I never speak the same language. Nope, that is definitely water in my Dasani bottle. Simon says he's somebody to watch, and he's the best tonight by a mile. I don't know, I'd like to hear Chris Sligh again to compare.

10... Sundance dedicates this to his son Levi, who's 3.5 months old. When he auditioned, his wife was pregnant, and he misses being away from his family. Levi's already smiling, and Sundance had to miss that because he's off at American Idol. BUT. He dedicated his video to his son, and he, as far as we know, was around when the little tyke was born.

(Aren't y'all glad I'm directing all my venom toward a male this year so that y'all can't automatically assume that it's envy? It makes it so much more confusing for you, doesn't it? And no, before you ask, I've never had a baby, and I've never had a husband miss the birth of my baby. And my dad was present at my birth, or at least that's what my mom tells me. I think I've seen pictures. I just think it's wrong. There were eight audition cities, and the price of airfare isn't much more expensive to other cities than to Birmingham from Jacksonville. He could have found another way. I mean, you can fly round trip to New York from Melbourne for pretty cheap, so he could have done a little research and found another way. Until I hear something like he was in Iraq fighting at all the other audition times (or, you know, on a submarine or ship in the middle of an ocean), and Birmingham was the only city that wasn't during a time when he was fighting for my freedom, "he's a pale-faced, mealy-mouthed ninny, and I hate him!")

Anyway, to Sundance. This performance is a 180 from where he was last week. Ok, I'll go with 160. I don't want to go crazy, because it's a fast and wild song, and I've heard karaoke bars go wild at this song, so I'll hopefully say he's 100% improved. He's doing "Mustang Sally", which is right up his alley. No rhyme intended. It's lively, soulful, fun, and vocal. He uses a lot of range during this performance, tricks up the song a lot, and I'm very pleased. I had started to wonder whether his audition was a fluke. Randy says what a difference a week makes. Welcome back, you dropped the bomb. Sundance thanks America for keeping him around one more week. Paula gives a standing ovation seal clap and says he has such an awesome range and thinks it's the best vocal he's ever done. Simon says yes, he's back, but let's not get carried away (he's so smart). It's a very popular song with everyone up on their feet, so I still think you can do better. Then Ryan says he thinks Sundance has been away from Levi longer than he thinks and shows him a photoshopped picture of Levi with Sundance's goatee. It's cute, Simon winks, and then, I'm not kidding, Ryan reaches out and fondles Sundance's goatee and comments on it being hard. Sundance shares the secret of hairspray, and I'm too scarred to continue.

Ok, the order tonight, my intense dislike for Phil notwithstanding (*s get votes):

05... Chris Sligh*
09... Chris Richardson*
10... Sundance Head*
03... AJ Tabaldo* - yes! ok! he's off my snarkdar!
07... Blake Lewis* - ok, i guess i'm a teeny-bopper, because i want him to stick around.but he does not deserve my vote tonight.
WH... Phil Stacey
08... Brandon Rogers
06... Nick Pedro
02... Jared Cotter
04... Sanjaya Malakar

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Rating: 3.0/5 (4 votes cast)

American Idol
~SarahK's TV stuff
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