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February 28, 2007
The Frank Truth: Dick Cheney
After Cheney was targeted by terrorists while in Afghanistan, numerous urban legends about him have surfaced, some old and some new. Here's the facts sorted from the fiction: Claim: Cheney could have been hurt in the bomb attack in Afghanistan.
Reportedly, Cheney formed a one man death squad after the attack, killing anyone he suspected had anything to do with the attack or may have known anyone involved with the attack. Everyone in a nearby village was found dead, all having been blasted in the face with a shotgun. In the center of the village was Cheney's usual calling card: a strangled puppy. Claim: Despite his gruff demeanor, Cheney is a compassionate man. Claim: To protect his health after numerous heart attacks, Cheney follows a strict, healthy diet. Claim: Cheney divorced all financial ties to Halliburton by insuring his pension. Claim: Cheney received five draft deferments to keep him out of the Vietnam War. Claim: One of Cheney's daughters is a lesbian. Claim: Cheney swallows small children whole. 15 Responses To "The Frank Truth: Dick Cheney"
Yeeha! Finally, there's someone to replace the Rumsfeld Strangler. When will Cheney appear in more IMW's? #1 - Posted by: karanadon137 on February 28, 2007 11:43 AMCould someone please give Sarcasm Man's GPS coordinates to Cheney? #2 - Posted by: Master Shake on February 28, 2007 12:03 PMPrinted and hanging outside my cube for public offence. Thank you sir. #3 - Posted by: magua on February 28, 2007 12:32 PMI hope I don't get in trouble for LOLing in my school library! Thanks, Frank! #4 - Posted by: Damian G. on February 28, 2007 12:38 PMThe thing is, if Cheney had come face to face with this bomber, he probably could have convinced him to go back and blow all his comrades to hell. He is that good. A couple of weeks ago, in a heated exchange on CNN, he came thisclose to convincing Wolf Blitzer to put his head through a window and cut his own throat. Look at Joe Lieberman. After Cheney disemboweled him in the 2000 VP debate, he had no stomach for the post-election brouhaha. He then ran a half-hearted campaign for President in '04. Now he's pretty much a reliable source for Republican talking points. Hopefully, Cheney got Musharraf straightened out while he was over there. Now he needs a roundtable with Pelosi, Murtha, Reid, Levin, Schumer... #5 - Posted by: bunkerboy on February 28, 2007 01:03 PMClaim: Cheney swallows small children whole. The V.P. must be doing something right, otherwise our enemies wouldn't be after him. Look at the do- nothings and lay-abouts in Congress. Nobody cares enough to blow smoke in their faces. The shrieker of the house is such a non-entitiy that most people can't even remember her name. That's got to hurt. #7 - Posted by: seanmahair on February 28, 2007 01:58 PM*Status: False I still haven't learned not to eat or drink while reading your posts. Snot bubble funny #8 - Posted by: Moneyman on February 28, 2007 02:22 PM//Claim: Cheney swallows small children whole. Maybe. There are rumours that he unhinges his lower jaw & devours live mountain lions whole. #9 - Posted by: AlanABQ on February 28, 2007 03:08 PMIs it just me, or has it been much funnier here lately? Have you leveled up, Frank? #10 - Posted by: c on February 28, 2007 03:25 PM//Claim: Cheney swallows small children whole. 'Cause they're crunchy and good with ketchup. I'm with Moneyman on the comeback of, An even better reply would be: "So's your face!!" I think Moonbunny's thought processes are permeating my responses. Damn ninth graders #11 - Posted by: shimauma on February 28, 2007 03:50 PM"So's your face!!" I've yet to see a good retort to that one. Whoever gets it out first is sure to win the argument. #12 - Posted by: Frank J. on February 28, 2007 03:54 PM>"So's your face!!" "...which at least can be told from my ass." #13 - Posted by: Francesco Poli on February 28, 2007 06:10 PMNO U! #14 - Posted by: Basilisk on March 2, 2007 02:52 PM@seanmahair so, in other words, the only way you can ever do something right is if you make enemies by doing it? #15 - Posted by: Autolycus on March 5, 2007 03:00 PMPost a comment
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