Paula says that since the girls look gorgeous, they’re ready to sing tonight. Yes, because a pretty face and pretty clothes equal a great voice, as we saw with Kellie Pickler. *cough cough*

01… Gina Glocksen is dedicating to her boyfriend, and her dedication is sweet and all. She’s singing “Alone” by Heart, and this is going to have to be really good, because Carrie did this two years ago and brought down the house, even got Simon to give it up for her. Except Carrie had really bad hair when she did it. Oh, plus when I do this one at karaoke, I’m pretty good. Just sayin’. That reminds me of a story. At Rachel’s Halloween party this year, there were these people there that we had never met, and mind you, I sing Heart all the time, Heart is perfect for my range, I generally hog all the Heart songs at karaoke (we have a machine ourselves), and I usually handle their songs with ease, except maybe a few low notes that get in my way. Anyway, this neighbor lady from down the street, when she saw what song I was singing ("Alone"), said, “Wow, you’re going to attempt Ann Wilson?” and I just held my microphone, waited for my words to come onscreen, and said kinda offhandedly, “Yeah, I’m gonna give it a shot,” and could not look at Rachel, because if I’d looked at her, we would have shared a look and I would have laughed. We can both sing, and we know it. I mean, I’m no Kelly Clarkson, but I’m easily as good as half the girls in the top 10 tonight. So the neighbor lady was a little surprised when I got to the chorus. I thought it was funny, and Rachel and I laughed about it after the neighbor went home. We didn’t want to be rude and laugh to her face.

Oh wait, this isn’t the Talk About Me Hour. Yes, back to Gina and American Idol. Gina’s hair is good. Still with the red tints in the black hair, perfect for her. I’m not sure about the way she’s dressed, because if she’s wanting to be a rocker, the red satin knee-dress is a little nice, but then again, it’s red satin, and red satin is a little sassy. The pretty jewelry, though – maybe it should have been spikes? No wait, there are spiky bracelets, so she’s covered there. It’s ok. At least she didn’t get rid of the tongue bolt. But listen to me. Last week I said that she looked as pretty as a girl with a tongue bolt could look, so shut up SarahK. Ok, to the singing. I have to relisten. Beginning is good. Chorus is good until the big “Alone”s at the end. The first time through, I thought she was pitchy there, but she wasn’t. But screechy for sure on the last couple of notes. I was going to suggest she stay with this kind of song. Heart, Evanescence, the pipey chick rocker songs with mega vocals, but she’s gonna have to work on not screeching the high notes. I thought it was good, probably a little better than last week because this is a better song choice for her, but not fantastic. And not as good as Carrie Underwood did it.

Randy says yo yo awesome dawg, pitchy at the beginning but you worked it out. He points out Charlotte, the backup singer, who was awesome during the song. I notice Charlotte is wearing a Tenacious D t-shirt – hahaha, I love it! Gina thanks Charlotte. Good girl. Paula says we were surprised when Carrie did it, but man, excellent job. Simon says good song choice, very forced vocals at the end. And Simon is confused about Gina’s image, because he thought she was edgier than this when they put her through to the top 24, and he’s talking about the way she’s dressed, and Randy says maybe she should have worn all black. No, Randy, Carrie did that. Invites more comparisons to a better vocal.

Oh yay. Alaina is going to do the Dixie Chicks. You’re the next American Idol, Alaina. No really, you are. Because I don’t still cringe every time I hear the name of that band. Really, I don’t. Every time Natalie Maines opens her mouth she says something more infuriating than the previous time, so I think that no one at all will think about that while you’re singing. They’ll just judge you on your singing. I don’t know why we need patriotism, anyway. Oops, look at me, I’m doing it already.

Who coaches these kids on their song choice?

BTW, I think global warming caused by people is a steaming pile of bull feces. Mkay? And that train commercial is stupid and horrible for a family show. It scares children, you awful people. Shame on you.

02... Alaina is dedicating to her mom, who worked four jobs to support her kids. She wants to be able to give back to and provide for her mom. Mom is crying in the audience. Alaina looks gorgeous. The dress is perfect, way better than the ugly ensemble of last week. Blue is an awesome color on her. Hair is excellent, as always. First bit is good. Oh, this is that song? She's singing "Not Ready to Make Nice" or whatever the angry mad rant fest song is called. Ok, it's the first time I'm hearing the entire song. I've only ever heard the one line of the chorus that they play over and over, because see, I listen to country stations, and they don't play the Dixie Chicks on my station, and I'm fine with that. So I just hear it on TV commercials and whatnot. Anyway, the more of the song I hear, the more annoyed I get that she picked this song. Oh no, it's really out of tune. But I was trying to listen to the words to see what all the fuss is about and hung up on the fact that she was making these ridiculous facial expressions to let us, America, know that she really means it. I really mean it, y'all. I'm mad as H-E-double-hockey-sticks! So now I have to go back and relisten so I can give her a fair judging. First... hang on... let me just get my duct tape and put it around my head so my head doesn't explode a second time... there... we... go. Ok, yeah, that was out of tune like I thought the first time. She was out of breath in several spots. And I think a lot of people are going to be offended by her song choice. Like me. I'm offended by her artist choice. What's the big deal about patriotism? Alaina probably doesn't read the news and have any idea the kind of crap that comes out of Natalie's mouth, though. Anyway, Randy says wow, it was pitchy. Not good, dawg. Paula, who was dancing the whole time, says it was a little out of tune but not as bad as the Dawg says. Simon says it was like Randy running a 100 meter dash or something. You ran out of steam 3/4 of the way through. That sounds right to me.

03... Lakisha is next, and she dedicates to her Grama. Grama is in LUV with Ryan Seacrest. That judgment notwithstanding (oh, I'm just playin'). What is she wearing? Short denim skirt that doesn't work for her. Big oversized orange sweater. And leopard print heels. Nothing matches, her hair is very blah and pasted to her head. Her outfit looks like she wants to get noticed on the boulevard (I'm sorry, I love her too, but it must be said, because it must be prevented from ever happening again), while her hair makes me think she wants to hide in a cave and never be seen by anyone again. It's a little befuddling. Anyway, she's doing "Midnight Train to Georgia". Paris did this last year, and I don't remember particularly enjoying it, but I could be wrong. I have to keep it real, y'all, this is really boring. She has a phenomenal voice, and I feel like she went safe and boring tonight. She seemed nervous, so I don't think she went to the Studdard School of Sloth, but if she wasn't born with a huge voice, she'd be practically unnoticeable tonight. RANDY: That was hot. You were nervous in the beginning. Don't be nervous. PAULA: Remember, you're Lakisha. Woo hoo! SIMON: Interesting dance at the end. Not as good as last week. You didn't come out thinking you're a big star this week. The outfit is distracting, I don't like it. I think you're a phenomenal singer, but I'm saying as nicely as possible that I don't like the outfit. RYAN: You don't like salmon? SIMON: It's orange. SARAHK: And hookery. You were safe and boring, and I agree with Simon on the outfit. You have a huge voice, but if you rest on your laurels, someone's going to use your laurels as a stepstool and vault right over your head. Mwah. Love ya.

04... Melinda Doolittle dedicates her performance to her "Gails". She's Oprah, they're her Gails. One is her vocal coach, and the other is a stylist. She hates to shop, just like me. She's singing "My Funny Valentine", and first words out of my mouth: Can y'all please stop doing the same songs over and over?! Do songs no one else has done on this show! Anyway, it can't possibly be the horror show that it was when Constantine did it a couple of years ago, so I don't know why I'm worried, I guess I'm just thinking that they've got soooo many songs to choose from, and they keep picking ones they've heard someone else do on the show? Do something else. Y'all have no idea how many automatic booster credits Chris Richardson got before "Geek in the Pink" ever started last night. Jason Mraz on American Idol, that was my dream come true!

On with the singing. She looks great, standard Melinda clothing. Denim jacket, jeans, red blouse, cute jewelry. Red shoes. The singing is fantastic. Fantastic. Far better than what Lakisha did just now. No crazy dancing antics, either. Just amazing vocals, good stage presence, and I'm very pleased. So is Simon, because he is grinning. RANDY: Yo, we have a competition. You're in it to win it. You came out here, you and Lakisha -- um, why do you even need to mention the previous singer, she's not onstage right now. You wouldn't do that when Lakisha is singing, so you shouldn't do that to another contestant. PAULA: You're a beautiful butterfly with vocal wings. SIMON: The best vocal we've had throughout the competition. We've had precocious monsters on this show, and I don't think you're one of them. You don't know how good you are, and I don't think you'd change if you won. You're a breath of fresh air and a sweet little lollypop. That was fantastic. RYAN: Was it easier this week? MELINDA: Sure. (Not convincingly. She's really cute.) SARAHK: I love her. And she didn't smile through the pain this week.

Antonella is singing Celine after the break. I have no faith that she can do it. Sorry.

05... Antonella is wearing an interesting dress, but I think I actually love this dress. She dedicates to her brother. And she put that beautiful hair back down. She looks great. She's singing "Because You Loved Me". Pitchy at the beginning. I do not like the arrangement. It confused me and made me think she forgot the words until I figured out that it was just an awful arrangement. It did not work for me. Sad Tivo note: Right at the the one spot where she could shine during the song, we had a DVR glitch, and I could see her sing but not hear her. So I have no idea if that went well. Eh, she has a pretty voice, but she's just not up to caliber with a lot of the other girls here, and she shouldn't have gone for a huge Celine song. However, she was improved a bit from last week, just because I don't think it could be any worse than last week. But she might get to stick around, because she didn't completely botch the song, unless she did so during my Tivo glitch. RANDY: Dude, it was pitchy all over the place. The song was too big for you. But you look good. SARAHK: You know you're in trouble when it's not even Paula that goes to the look factor. PAULA: Not even 1% of America can sing like Celine. THE COLLECTIVE: Whew! SARAHK: Y'all shut up, I love Celine! She's just a little koo-koo. But her voice is awesome, so I say again, shut up. PAULA: It was much better than last week, so rah rah, sis boom bah. SIMON: Wrong song, and I thought it was worse than last week. ANTONELLA THE STUPID: I'm going to take Paula's criticism, because Simon was wrong about Jennifer Hudson, so he can be wrong about me. SARAHK: What an idiot. He is going to eat her alive. SIMON: Let me be clear. I did not kick Jennifer Hudson off of American Idol. We three put her on the show, and America did not vote for her. If America disagrees with me, they'll keep you around another week. SARAHK: She's no Jennifer Hudson. And I voted for her. RYAN: I don't know if we have a break scheduled, but we need one. SARAHK: Yes, someone needs a reprimand.

06... Jordin dedicates all the love in her heart to her younger brother. She's singing Christina's "Reflection" from Mulan. She looks gorgeous in that turquouise color. And aww, she read what I wrote about her last week and paying attention to her lyrics! Good girl. The vocal was rough in spots, off-key several places, but in other places it was outstanding. So I'll say it was inconsistently grand? She seemed nervous and really emotional, and oh no, she's crying when she's done. Get me a box of tissues and a Nicholas Sparks book, will you? *sniff* She's crying almost as much as I did Monday after I nearly got flattened by a semi on the highway. Seriously, sweetie, perspective. Near-death v. singing a cartoon movie song. *sniff* again. RANDY: Not the best you've done, but still really good. PAULA: You're infectious. I have the Jordin Infection. Now will you get me a vodka, love? I'm out. You're gonna be in this competition for a long time. Now the vodka? SIMON: Not your best, but you're 17, you have massive potential, but I think the dedications are getting to you. RYAN: She's irresistible. SARAHK: For men who like girls. Wink wink. That is so RUDE, SarahK. Oh, you know I love you, Ryan. It's all in love. It was inconsistently grand. Now go wipe your nose and watch a chick flick. Get it out of your system before next week, for the love of pete.

Oh yay! Kellie Pickler will be on the results show tomorrow night! The good thing is, if she sings, it will make all the losers going home sound great. If she doesn't sing, it will be fine, because she has that cute fake personality. I love her act, it's cute.

07... Stephanie Edwards is singing "Dangerously in Love" by Beyonce. Finally, something new! The good thing is, I've never heard the original. She looks gorgeous in a long white dress with metallic accents, nice earrings. Thankfully no Beyonce clothing, because most of Beyonce's clothing choices are unfortunate. I don't particularly enjoy this kind of music, but she is singing her pinkytoe off, and I think she's remarkable. I'll have to go back and rewatch to see who is best between her and Melinda when I do my recap, because she is throwing down tonight, just like she did last week. There's one note with all the excessive trilling that she kind of botches, but it's almost not noticeable, and she redeems herself quickly and has a fantastical ending. If you like that kind of music. I don't, but I'll live through it. RANDY: You look hot, you sang your face off. Don't be so Beyonce. I mean, I love her, but do your own thing. That was so much better than last week. SARAHK: She was excellent last week. RANDY: I mean, and you were great last week. SARAHK: He keeps saying that to the ladies tonight. I think he's drinking the Paula juice tonight and keeps forgetting that the girls were pretty good last week, and he's just using the standard comments that he used for the guys last night because he stayed out too late partying or something and didn't have time to come up with a new script for tonight. PAULA: I disagree with you. You were fantastic, brilliant. So many people will be in love with you, just like Beyonce. SIMON: I agree with Paula. You're not just taking part, it was terrific. RYAN: What's wrong with Beyonce? RANDY: Nothing. I love her, NAME DROP. (Paula and Simon go to sleep.) Blah blah blah. SARAHK: I'M BORED, let's move on. She was great.

08... Leslie Hunt is singing Nina Simone, dedicated to her dead Grampa. She's very bohemianly attired, which probably suits her more than the oversized boots she wore last week. She tells Ryan she's going to dance around on the stage less tonight. That's good, because I don't think The Spastic is going to be the next big thing to catch on with the kids. Oh, she's singing that "Feeling Good" song that AJ sang last night. Well, I'm embarrassed to say that I never heard it before last night if it's a Nina Simone song. Y'all may berate me accordingly for that in the comments. I deserve it.

Here are Leslie's problems: 1) She has a much smaller voice than a lot of the other girls up there, no doubt. That will hurt her, because with all the girls in the competition right now, she will need a big voice to make a big enough impression to make the top six. I don't think she'll make the top six. 2) Her hair doesn't help. Sorry, it's fine for an everyday person, but it's pencil straight. That doesn't work for someone trying to make the most lasting impression, or for a celebrity for that matter (I'm looking at you, Queen Gwyneth). It's coming off as mousy and in need of a deep conditioning. Two words (maggie katzen will disagree wholeheartedly here, but she starts with curly hair, so don't listen to her): Garnier Fructis. 3) She really just looks so stinking uncomfortable onstage. I'm the same way, so I can relate. It's mostly her shoulders. She moves her shoulders like she's trying to conspicuously hint that she really needs a shoulder rub. There's no fluidity in her body movements at all. 4) I don't want to say this. She's what, 24? She looks 35. So an old fogey like me won't discard her for that, but the junior high and high school crowd are going to completely ignore her, because she, like, looks as old as their Aunt Jennifer (yes, the 35 year-olds are named Jennifer now. That makes me feel ancient.)! And I know that is so wrong, but that's how it is.

You can see her bra right through the back of her shirt. I mean the shape of the bra. She sings the song fine, and she's better than last week, or at least she must be, because all I can remember about last week is that she wore those awful boots. No wait, I remember what she sang, and yes, this is better. Nothing exciting for me. And she's scatting at the end, and the scatting is ok, but not fantastic, and not as good as Blake's scatting from last night, though her song choice is much better than the atrocity he picked. RANDY: Glad you did jazz, dawg. Pitchy. Just a'ight, but I love the a capella beginning. SARAHK: A capella means no instruments. There were strings lightly hanging out in the background. But who am I to correct someone who has worked with Beyonce? PAULA: You're being you. SIMON: The scatting sounds like Paula talking. I'm kidding. Your problem is the big voices that came before you. Better than last week, but not many people are going to remember you. PAULA: She's a different ice cream flavor! SIMON: Four raspberry ripples tonight, she's a vanilla. SARAHK: I've never had raspberry ripple. Is that good? It sounds yummy. RYAN: Simon is a sorbet. SARAHK: Can we finish with the ice cream analogies and return to where this was a singing competition?

09... Haley Scarnato. Can we skip to the end? Whoops, did I let out that she's not my favorite? Everything about her seems like an airbrushed cheerleader, and she does not do anything for me when she's singing, so I am ready for this to be over. Especially knowing that she's doing Whitney. Brace yourselves. She's dedicating to her most wonderful fiance. Haha, she's singing "Queen of the Night". No, I'm serious, y'all. And she keeps raising her arms so we can check out her armpits. How many armpit views do we need? And she does this thing where she gives the camera a high five all the time. RANDY: Wasn't great for me, dawg. Vocally not on point. Is better than last week. SARAHK: That's like saying Paula is more coherent than she was on that Seattle morning show. PAULA: Sooo much better than last week. SIMON: A for effort, you really tried. But if you take on a Whitney song, you do it at your peril. You're one of two or three very vulnerable girls tonight. SARAHK: I agree. Before I ever knew what she was singing, I had her pegged as going home. I'll let you know after I do my lineup. It was loud and dancy with not a lot of singy. Stop crying. Ask Jordin if you can borrow a tissue.

10... Sabrina Sloan. She dedicates to her Grama. She is singing "All the Man I Need". She's kind of a nasally singer, isn't she? She's doing her own thing with the song, and that makes me happy, because with a Whitney song, that's the only way you can survive on this show. I think the end is great. She's a little screechy right before the end, but the end is good. I think she was a little better last week, but still great this week. RANDY: Lost touch with the pitch in a couple of spots, that's my new way of saying pitchy, dawg. But very nice overall. Big song. Big voice. PAULA: You showed your voice last week. Dolphin clap! Bravo! SIMON: I don't like the song choice. I preferred you last week. Don't confuse shouting with power. She's a great singer, but I wasn't jumping out my chair this week. But you'll be back next week. SARAHK: Yes, don't screech and yell, but I liked what you did with the song when you made it your own, dawg. I like her pretty well. Oh, and lose some of the nasal bit, would you? I just noticed that and it bothers me.

My order tonight:

04 Melinda Doolittle*
07 Stephanie Edwards*
10 Sabrina Sloan*
03 LaKisha Jones* - she was really boring. really.
06 Jordin Sparks*
01 Gina Glocksen*
08 Leslie Hunt
05 Antonella Barba
09 Haley Scarnato
02 Alaina Alexander

Ok, so to the predictions. I'm so nervous, seeing how I'm 4 for 4 this season. Thank you, thank you. Don't applaud. Just throw money. Anyway. On the girl side... I think Antonella sticks it out this week. I'm sorry, but she's like Sanjaya with that crazy inexplicable fanbase. And she's gotten a ton of extra publicity this week, so... she'll stay in one more week. But if she makes it to the top 12, that's just wrong. I think Alaina had a shot to pull herself up and skate past Antonella, Haley, and Leslie, but she blew it. Not only did she botch the song she sang, she picked a song that will tick off a lot of people, and they'll just roll their eyes and say no thanks. So I think she's out for sure. And it's not because America is trying to silence the Dixie Chicks, the bunch of evil fascists that we are. It's because we get to make our choices, too. You choose a polarizing song and sing it poorly? Not doing yourself any favors, love. Leslie or Haley... well... Haley is annoying and a bit on the phony side, plus those of us who can sing are kind of wondering how she made the top 24. She badly covered Celine Dion, then picked the Whitney song she would most likely be covered by background vocals in... is the rest of America as tired of her as I am? But the worst part? The hi-fives to the camera and the armpit stares. That's why I think she'll go home, and Leslie will stick it out one more week.

On the guy side. I wrote this yesterday in the comments: i'm sorry to tell you, there's no way that Sanjaya is leaving this week. last week, they said he was in the top 4 of the guys. the top 4! i had him around #7 after he sang a wretched rendition of a Stevie Wonder song. this kid has an inexplicable fan base. the girls (or boys) must love the hair. i think he will stay around. maybe he's this season's Jasmine.

he was by far the worst of the guys. by a mile, in my opinion. there was nothing wrong with his voice. and at a concert, a long concert, maybe this is the understated number you do sitting on the piano while everyone goes and gets a drink or uses the portapotty. maybe i listen to it on my ipod while doing my running cooldown or some relaxation exercises. i don't want to hear it on the radio driving down the road. i'll fall asleep.

then there's his personality. performing, not performing. he's 17, so he needs a ton of work. he's like Al Gore on Valium, that's how little he moves around. he's so stiff.

no, i think Jared is a definite for going home. he made a big mistake picking that creepy song this week. the other one is either going to be Nick or Brandon. i think AJ sticks around another week because he surprised even me enough to vote for him. i tried to vote and the line was busy.

hmm, Nick or Brandon... i'm going with Nick.

so i predict that Jared and Nick, Haley and Alaina go home.

• Currently 3.13/5
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Rating: 3.1/5 (4 votes cast)

American Idol
~SarahK's TV stuff
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