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March 08, 2007
Captain America Is Dead!
We both arrived on the scene in 1941, and everyone already knew then he would eventually be gunned down like a dog while I would go on to rule the oceans (they cover two thirds of the earth). Wasn't he the dumbest superhero ever? What did he have? Shield powers? You can't talk to fish with a shiny metal shield. "Watch out, villains! I'm going to duck behind my shield!" Well, judging by his death, I guess that strategy didn't work very well. The comics only showed the times he successfully punched a Nazi; most of the time he was getting beat up by them and calling me for help. And I'd go help the wuss... even though he was usually nowhere near water and I'd have to take a bus to get there. Then he'd take all the credit! Yeah, the Aquaman/Captain America crossovers never got published either. But, really, if you had me in a comic with him, who would even notice Captain A-Hole? So good riddance to bad rubbish. All he did was get in the way when villainy needed to be dealt with. Plus, he was a traitor to his name. While he shied away from the principles of WWII generation in order to spout left-wing talking points, I've remained just like all those who reached adulthood in the 40's: Suspicious of anything new or interesting. So, rot in hell you left-wing, pinko f[Rest of post removed by IMAO censors.] 13 Responses To "Captain America Is Dead!"
IMAO has censors? I guess Aquaman's taking your ban on faggots to heart. #2 - Posted by: Veeshir on March 8, 2007 09:13 AMThey'll just have The Sentry or The Scarlet Witch make the whole thing never have happened. Worked for Hawkeye. #3 - Posted by: Noah Bawdy on March 8, 2007 11:19 AMBe careful how you use the f-word Veeshir. Just how heterosexually masculine can a superhero be that is in FrankJ's pants everday? #4 - Posted by: Moneyman on March 8, 2007 11:46 AMWhere is Sarcasm Man? Mr. Veeshir has asked us to pass along his apology for his intemperate remark. Signed, Aquaman killed Cap, and I can prove it! If you'll just look at this video tape from the ATM across the street.... Hey, how did those sharks get in my cubicle? AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! #8 - Posted by: Master Shake on March 8, 2007 03:06 PMAQUAMAN?! Aquaman is a fag. Namor would kick his f**king ass. At least call in a real "B" stringer DC hero like Green Lantern. What's next, a Cap America eulogy by Hawkgirl? #9 - Posted by: Bile, Snark, and Sneer on March 8, 2007 04:45 PMThis never would have happened if Capt American had had a properly trained concubine watching his back. Another reason why my Benevolent Overlord Kal El is smarter than the puny earthspawn. #10 - Posted by: shimauma on March 8, 2007 04:50 PMAquaman and Captain America aren't even part of the same comic book universe, so I highly doubt Aquaman was saving Cap from Nazis. Outside of a stupid JLA-Avengers crossover which is not part of either company's continuity, they wouldn't even be aware of one another...and the crossover didn't occur until 2004. I believe that was well after the Nazis had been defeated... #11 - Posted by: The Goat on March 8, 2007 05:32 PMI gave up collecting comics way back when Walt Simonson quit doing Thor and a bad string of artists started doing "X-Men" and "New Mutants" (only breaking this for certain entries by Frank Miller). I heard years ago that Marvel came out with the first gay superheros, and I've stayed away since...I've refused to see the Superman movie since they conciously decided to take out "And the American Way". Figures, the fruits would kill off Captain America, they symbol of America. What's next? Captain Osama? Jihad Avenger? If I hear one more fa....uhh...ass spelunker comment on Batman being gay, they'll get a batterang between the eyes! #12 - Posted by: Wolfman Dan on March 8, 2007 07:34 PMAquaHomo a tough? Yea...whatever! Nice tights! Does your sister know you "borrowed" her wardrobe to go out and get all gussied up for the fellers, Aquabendoverman? #13 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on March 11, 2007 03:51 AMPost a comment
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