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April 06, 2007
What's so good about it?
Posted by Laurence Simon at 09:41 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (14)

I don't see what's so good about Good Friday, considering that I always end up having to remind people that I didn't kill Jesus.

Don't believe me? Here's the proof:

  • I was born in 1969AD. Jesus was killed back in 33AD. Unless I have a time machine, it's pretty hard for me to go back in time and kill Jesus.

  • Besides, if I did have a time machine, do you really think the Temple Mount would have two mosques on it now?

  • Or Milli Vanilli would have gotten the Grammy?

  • Jesus was up and walking around three days later. Most murder victims don't do that. Or, if they do, it takes an awful lot of preservatives, strings, rods, and a scaffolding for marionette operators to work from. Unless the last part of the Gospels was just a Team Jerusalem: World Messiah kind of stunt, no dice.

  • If we wanted Jesus dead, Jesus would have stayed dead. None of this crucifixion garbage, either. We know how to make things look like accidents. Getting nailed to a cross and taking a spear in the gasworks doesn't lend itself to plausible deniability like "slipping in the shower" or "cleaning his gun in the dishwasher when it went off" kind of deaths.

  • Safetypup says: "Don't forget the Jet Dry!"

  • Jesus went through the Roman Justice System by the book. But the Human Rights Council, United Nations, Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch and CAIR all regularly accuse Jews of engaging in extra-judicial killings. So, from their perspective, if Jews killed Jesus, we'd have wiped him out without the formal arrest procedure and trial.

  • I'd have snapped a photo of me and the dead Jesus together. Because every criminal idiot snaps photos of their handiwork with their RAZR, right?

See? Dem Yahood no-killy the King Of Them.

Carry on.

Rating: 4.5/5 (2 votes cast)

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14 Responses To "What's so good about it?"

Then there is the math. The Bible says Jesus was in the tomb three days and three nights. Since He arose on the first day of the week, Sunday, shouldn't we be celebrating "good" Thursday? I have never seen any "good" in it either. I am more thankful that He died for me since I am not good. Thankful Thursday sounds better.

#1 - Posted by: joyce on April 6, 2007 10:45 AM

So you're saying it was some kind of insurance job huh? I suppose Jesus then absconded with Mary Magdalene to the South of france or maybe spain living out their years in relative comfort by the sea. Did you have a hand in writing the Da Vinci Code?

#2 - Posted by: MikefromtheWVpartofNY on April 6, 2007 10:45 AM
So when Pilate saw that he could do nothing, but rather that a riot was beginning, he took some water and washed his hands before the crowd, saying, ‘I am innocent of this man’s blood; see to it yourselves.’ Then the people as a whole answered, ‘His blood be on us and on our children!’ So he released Barabbas for them; and after flogging Jesus, he handed him over to be crucified.

And there you have it - proof-positive that you're responsible. Waiting a couple of thousand years after the fact to make your denials shows how weak your defense is.

#3 - Posted by: Anon Y. Mous on April 6, 2007 11:04 AM

Jesus - the original Jimmy Hoffa!

#4 - Posted by: Robert on April 6, 2007 11:08 AM

Okay, here it is. The definitive answer to the centuries-old question, "When did the Sanhedrin get the Romans to crucify their Messiah?"

It was "Good Wednesday" - 3 Apr 30 CE (a.k.a., 14 Nis 3790). He was crucified on the day of preparation for Pesach, Nisan 14, which can never land on a Thursday. As Joyce points out, Friday evening to Sunday morning is not three days and three nights (it could be no more than 42 hours). But from before sunset on Wednesday to just after midnight on Sunday morning can be no less than 78 hours, which (in typical Jewish fashion) more than covers the requirement of three days and three nights.

Scriptural evidence to support the date of 30 CE is found in John 2:20, where the Temple officials point out (three years prior to Christ's crucifixion) that Herod's Temple had been under construction for the past 46 years. From extrabiblical sources we know that the construction began in 19 BCE. Adding 46 years to that date lands us at 28 CE (there's no year 0). Three years after that would be 31 CE, but Nisan 14 fell on a Monday that year (as it did the following year) and there's no way you can make that fit the chronology of the Gospel accounts. So 31 and 32 CE are both out of the question.

So it comes down to choosing between 30 CE (crucifixion on a Wednesday) or 33 CE (on Friday). If we assume 33 CE, then we are saying that the Temple officials in John 2 understated the length of time since the start of construction by roughly two years. But if we go with the 30 CE date, then they overstated the time by roughly a year. Now you tell me, which is a debater more likely to do - shade the argument in his own favor or in favor of his opponent?

There are other reasons I believe the crucifixion occurred in 30 CE (on a Wednesday), but those arguments are less persuasive and presenting them here would be detract from my argument.

Finally, I must state as a Bible-believing Christian (as opposed to a mere traditionalist), that the teaching of the New Testament is abundantly clear: "The Jews did not murder our Lord; we all (Jews and Gentiles alike) bear the guilt of His voluntary sacrifice on our behalf."

#5 - Posted by: Bob on April 6, 2007 12:11 PM

The disconnect is the belief that Jesus was in the tomb for 3 days and nights.

Jesus arose on the third day (not after 3 days) which by convention at the time would be Friday to Sunday. The first day was the day he was crucified because he was buried before sundown. This was on the day of prep for the Sabbath (Mark 15) which is modern Friday. The second day was all underground Saturday. Then on the Third day, Sunday, He arose.

As for the year, I think we are lucky to be relatively certain that it occurred sometime between 28 and 33 AD. With the most likely 30 AD.

As for the who killed Jesus, it was as Bob said, it was us because as it has been said "Love, not nails held Jesus on the cross".

#6 - Posted by: Brian The Adequate on April 6, 2007 01:04 PM

wow, your math is a little off. he died Friday at what, noon? 3 p.m.? anyway, either the 6th or 9th hour Friday. rose Sunday a.m. that's 2 days. Friday night, Saturday night. rose Sunday morning.

(my Je-e-sus a-rose a-with all po-uh-wer in His hands... in His hands...)

but yeah, technically the Romans killed Jesus because the Jews were begging for it.

But nobody could have the power to kill Him except that it was given them by God. Jesus was sent to die, it was known from the time of His birth that He would be sacrificed (it was known before He was born) and it was going to happen, Romans, Jews, or not.

So basically, the Romans and Jews were just tools. :-)

#7 - Posted by: sarahk on April 6, 2007 01:07 PM

//So basically, the Romans and Jews were just tools.//

Well said SarahK. I was gonna say, that the Bible says "Salvation is of the Jews" which to me means we have Jews to THANK for Jesus. So there you go Lair, thank you very much. Remember Jesus loves you, too.

One other thing, check out Matthew 24 verses 52-53. It says when Jesus died, a BUNCH of tombs opened up and holy people who died came out and were walking around Jerusalem. I just noticed this recently, I don't ever remember being told about this or noticing it when I read this before. Any insight as to who they were, how many, how long did they hang out on Earth???

#8 - Posted by: shimauma on April 6, 2007 01:29 PM

Facts are such messy things. Can't we just say FrankJ did it and string him up?

#9 - Posted by: Skul on April 6, 2007 04:41 PM

Heck, they haven't even gotten around to that part, yet. They're too busy blaming everything else on ya.

#10 - Posted by: Strnj1 on April 6, 2007 04:46 PM

Okay Skul, I'm in. FrankJ takes the rap.

Brian, just so you'll know, 28 and 29 CE are also out of the question due to the alignment of the Jewish calendar. In 28 CE Nisan 14 fell on a Monday and in 29 CE it came on a Saturday. So the only possibilities are 30 or 33 CE.

As for my claim that Christ was in the tomb "three days and three nights", the New Testament Scriptures are about evenly divide on whether the resurrection occurring "after three days" (Matthew 12:40; 26:61; 27:40; 27:63; Mark 8:31; 9:31; Mark 10:34; Mark 14:58; Mark 15:29; John 2:19; 2:20) or "on the third day" (Matthew 16:21; 17:23; 20:19; Luke 9:22; 18:33; 24:7; 24:21; 24:46; Acts 10:40; 1 Corinthians 15:4).

I take Christ's words in Matthew 12:40 literally: "For just as JONAH WAS THREE DAYS AND THREE NIGHTS IN THE BELLY OF THE SEA MONSTER, so shall the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth." I believe the "third day" references are merely the writers' short-hand for "after three days".

Either way, whether 30 CE or 33 CE, or whether "on the third day" or "after three days", the point is Christ rose from the dead!

#11 - Posted by: Bob on April 6, 2007 11:16 PM

Ever wonder if all of Christianity is based on a false premise? That maybe God sent His only begotten Son to show us a wonderful new way of life and we went and killed Him for it; and instead of fulfilling prophecy it made God furious and He and Son departed for parts unknown, never to be heard from again? And then they faked that whole "that was The Divine Plan" angle in The Bible to cover up the fact that Mankind had blown its one chance at salvation? Isn't that a scary thought? It would explain a lot, though...

#12 - Posted by: bunkerboy on April 7, 2007 05:23 AM

Lair, we ALL know that Spacemonkey had a time machine:

http://www.imao.us/archives/003885.html

so it's quite possible that you stole it to kill Jesus.

Ok, you probably didn't *steal* it, you just haggled him down to an insanely low price for it.

#13 - Posted by: Harvey on April 7, 2007 11:41 AM

For the record, if I had a time machine not only would I not have stopped Milli Vanilli from winning a Grammy, I would also have tried to get them to make a movie so they would also win an Oscar for best music in a movie or something.

I like making Hollywood types look ridiculous.

Oh, and I still don't believe that you didn't kill Jesus. As I read somewhere, only the guilty flee when no man pursues.

#14 - Posted by: Veeshir on April 9, 2007 10:56 AM
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