Warning: This is a rant. If you're one of those whiny peeps who just can't handle it when IMAO gets ranty, you have this thing on the right-hand side of your screen called a scroll bar. I assume you know how to use it.

I'm over this racist bullcrap. I've been over it since about five minutes after Imus apologized the first time. After the first apology, there should have been no more apologies, and he absolutely NEVER should have groveled to Hypocrites Extraordinaire and Self-Proclaimed Masters of the Universe Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. Note to Sharpton and Jackson: There is only one Master of the Universe, and his name is Jack Bristow. Neither of you comes close to being Jack Bristow, so move along now and crawl back into your racist, seedy little holes. Mr. Sharpton, you can go back to flinging around racial epithets about Jews and Whiteys. Jackson, well, you just go back to being the King of Slime.

Now, at first I felt bad for the Rutgers women's basketball team, which everyone has already forgotten about. They're now just "the Rutgers team". What sport is it they were playing before this turned into the Sharpton/Jackson Circus and Spotless Barack's Presidential Hot Topic? Oh, and did anyone notice that not all of them are black? Just wanted to mention it, because I doubt that Al and Jesse picked up on that, since they spun this whole thing as just another way for white men to keep black women enslaved.

But see, if I were one of the girls on the basketball team, I would just want it to go away. Yeah, ok, I was called a (k)nappy-headed ho in front of Imus's eight listeners, and that's incredibly insulting and very inaccurate (look how nice my hair is). Oh, and remember my accomplishments on the basketball court? I rock, and nobody remembers that!

But this. This is over the top.

Meanwhile the Rutgers women's basketball team appeared Thursday on the Oprah Winfrey show to discuss the controversy. "Not only did he steal our dreams, he hurt our character of Rutgers University, our state, and all who have been associated," Rutgers Head Coach C. Vivian Stringer said on the show.

He stole your dreams? You're serious? Not making a funny? This isn't satire?

It was an ugly, stupid thing to say. It was hurtful. But he stole your dreams? You're victims now forever? Scarred for life? Not going to be able to go on and have families and/or careers (whatever it is you dream about) because Don Imus called you (k)nappy-headed hos? Seriously. He's Don Imus. And they're words. Not even creative ones, at that! In the feeding frenzy following the two-word phrase, pretty much every person who has ever been on his show, co-hosted with him, been a regular guest, asked him about his American Idol opinions, eaten breakfast with him, or sat next to him on the subway has denounced him and taken him out of his/her will.

You have got to get a grip on this little thing called reality. You know, one time when I was growing up, I was taking a shower, and a cockroach dropped from the ceiling of the shower and landed on my head. Landed on my head. I am not lying. Also, this one time, when I was ten, I had a cockroach (these were the flying cockroaches in Texas, which we lovingly call Palmetto bugs) fly off the wall and follow me in flight from room to room as I ran screaming from it. Both of those events have lived on prominently in my bruised little psyche. I can't say for sure, but I think those cockroaches had more of an effect on me than Imus's non-sticks, non-stones will have on your life-long dreams. Suck. It. Up.

One more thing. There are three men. Their names are David Evans, Reade Seligmann, and Collin Finnerty. Yesterday they were declared innocent by the attorney general of North Carolina after almost an entire year of being besotted and besmirched in the media by racist creeps like Sharpton, Jackson, and Malik Shabazz, a real stand-up guy. These men, first and least of all, didn't even get to finish out their lacrosse season last year (their team was nationally ranked, too, by the way). Hey, your dreaming girls made it all the way to the championship game--but this year-long witch-hunt kept these guys--and their teammates--from competing at all. But the implications for their futures are so much farther reaching than some hurt feelings.

The rage I'm feeling about the stolen dreams comment is too much. My whole face is buzzing with seizures. I have to finish this in the morning. I have more to say. I've had nothing to say all along about the Duke case, because 1) legal cases that Greta and Nancy spend months poring over hours upon end bore me without measure, and 2) I chose not to make any judgments either way. It's not my business. I don't know these people! And frankly, my opinion of strippers and those who hire them is equally low. So I do not care about these people. I don't. I'm sorry. I haven't been able to make myself care about these boys nor Crystal Mangum, their accuser, because I kinda sorta have this whole judgmental thing about me. If I would have looked at this case a year ago with any intense scrutiny, I probably would have come to the opinion--please, let's be clear that I said opinion--that all parties involved are disgusting, and I would not want to be friends with any of them. Talk to them about Jesus, sure. Hang out, not so much.

Ok, now I go to bed. Tomorrow, I'll write about why Ms. Stringer needs to splash some water on her face and see whose dreams have really been stolen.

Alrighty, then. I'm awake. These Duke lacrosse players. The three. Every job interview they go on--no, hopefully they won't be stupid enough to put "lacrosse" in the hobbies section of their résumé (if so, then, well... survival of the fittest comes to mind), but every job interview where their names are recognized, potential employers will be reluctant to hire them because they'll be afraid of sexual harassment lawsuits. When they are able to get jobs, will they even be able to speak to women at work without being extremely careful of every single word that comes out of their mouths? They can't even have normal conversation anymore. Forever they will carry the stigma of sexual predator, even though they are innocent of the legal definition of such (see above for what I think about people who hire strippers or go to strip clubs--and no, I won't apologize for that). The best bet these guys have is to own their own businesses and have no employees, and owning your own business is not as easy as it sounds. It can be done, though, and if these guys choose not to go on Oprah and act like Victims of the Year, maybe they can do it.

Note for this next section: I'm a bit of a prude, but I don't pretend that everyone else is.

It's not only about jobs, though, is it? Women. They've obviously made mistakes with women. And now every woman who gets a goodnight kiss, every woman in any kind of intimate situation with these guys will have in the back of their minds... "Is he... oh no... what is he doing? Do I want him to do that? Is it okay? Wait, yes, I'm okay with this... But we're only doing this because I'm okay with it..." Or if he wants to go a little farther than she does, she'll say, "No, let's not," he'll say, "Come on, why not?" like happens in normal, everyday relationships, and rape charges will be filed. Instead of her just saying, "Because I'm not ready," or "Because it's wrong, and we should wait until we're married," or "Because I'm in a womanly way right now," she will cry out, "Rape! You are a rapist! Nifong was right all along!"

And any time there's a breakup, it will make the news, because remember folks, we are stuck with our sorry excuse for media. "[Actual name] and his unnamed girlfriend of four months split up today. Sources say that there has as of yet been no accusation of sexual assault. As you may recall, [actual name] was accused of rape back in 2006 by a lovely young exotic dancer (we don't want to use her name out of respect for her). Charges were later dropped, but Rose McGowan decided that the men were guilty of something, because they are rich and white and the accuser is black, i.e., not rich and white. We will continue to update you on this story as it progresses."

Marriage? "[Actual name] was married today in a heartfelt ceremony. The media was not allowed into the ceremony, but sources close to the family say that it was a joyous occasion, and that the family and friends of [actual last name] breathed a sigh of relief. As you know, [actual name] was one of three men accused of the sexual assault of an exotic dancer in 2006, and it was thought that he would never be able to find happiness due to the cloud of suspicion that has always hovered over him. The source says that [actual last name] and his bride, a humble school teacher, will be able to finally put whatever happened in that fraternity house behind him. As to the other two men accused alongside him, we will let you know if and when they ever find happiness. This is [white guilt reporter], reporting live in Raleigh, North Carolina. Jim? Back to you."

So ladies? I think you'll live. It was a very bad joke. A reprehensible one. He apologized. Ms. Stringer's pastor was the one who organized the groveling session between Imus and the Rutgers women's basketball team. It lasted three hours. It could have been a three minute phone call, and he was on his hands and knees in person for three hours?? Am I in the twilight zone? Mr. Pastor? Have you even read the Bible? Do you preach it to your congregation? Oh, and while I'm talking to "pastors", why don't you listen up, Mr. Sharpton and Mr. Jackson (sorry, can't call anyone reverend, it's against my beliefs, I can quote you scripture if you need me to):

Matthew 6:14-15:

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 18:21-22

Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

Mark 11:25

"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses."

But suddenly your dreams are shattered, you want all of America to kiss your ring, and you have to have a three hour apology? It should have gone like this:

IMUS: I'm very sorry. You've seen me apologize all week publicly. And now, with no cameras around, I tell you the same thing. I'm so sorry.
TEAM: We forgive you.
IMUS: Thank you.
TEAM: No problem.
IMUS: Congratulations on all of your success. Really, you've done a great job.
TEAM: Thank you.
IMUS: Alright... Well... I guess I'll be going then.
TEAM: Alright. Say, you've got some funky hair yourself. You should see to that.
IMUS: It's my schtick.
TEAM: Okay. Bye.
IMUS: Bye.

That's it. Three hours?

Scarred for life, my big white pinkytoe. Give me a break. There are people with real problems in this world, and frankly, being called a (k)nappy-headed ho stings for about an hour. Your dreams are not stolen. You can move on with your lives. You got your stint on the Oprah show and strong-armed two pansy companies into firing someone. There are no long-term implications for you. For the Duke guys? Yes. For Imus? Yes.

And he wasn't fired because the market spoke. No. He was fired because CBS radio and MSNBC are big fat chickens. Imus has had fairly low ratings for years. Sponsors were strong-armed by people like Sharpton and Jackson, who do not speak for all of the black community, into pulling out. We wouldn't have known if the market would speak about it for another few months. Just like with Rosie O'Donnell spouting her idiotic views about 9/11 on The View. I'll admit, I had been DVRing The View since about October because I liked debating back with the TV when Rosie said idiotic things. But after her Truther crap, I took it off the DVR list, as I imagine many others did. Now I only see clips on Hot Air and YouTube when the dingbat goes off her nut on air. I think time will tell whether Rosie's Trutherism will hurt ratings. If it does, that's the market speaking. And that's the difference. That's the difference between White Guilt and blatant racism from the black "leaders" getting someone fired and the market asking for it.

And you know what? I do think Rosie should be cut from The View. But not because she shouldn't be allowed to say those ridiculous things. She should be allowed to say them (1st amendment--just like I should be allowed to carry a gun anywhere I please due to the 2nd amendment but more importantly due to my natural born rights). I think Rosie should be cut because she just says the same things over and over, changes the subject to "Bush is killing all our soldiers" any time she starts to lose an argument, and makes the show so unwatchable for me. On the other hand, I never tuned in before she was on, and I only tuned in to debate with her in my own head. And as long as she's making the ratings better than they were before she was on, and as long as the sponsors are willing to support her disgusting anti-patriotic views (yes, I said it, I believe she is anti-America, pro-America's enemies, and wants us to lose this war), ABC has every right to keep her. If they're not a publicly funded corporation, fine. I believe in free speech.

One more thing. While I do think the language of rap music is disgusting (though I do admit to an Eminem music weakness and buy cleaned-up versions of his CDs--I'm sorry, I know), I believe in the right of morons like Snoop Dogg to fling around whatever words they choose, as long as I am not subjected to the music involuntarily, such as in public places, and as long as no government funding is ever funneled to such "art". I disagree with Michelle on this point: I've been able to avoid it just fine (except for my nasty Eminem habit, but that's my choice). It's up to parents to police their own children and to adults to police ourselves.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah. Congratulations, Rutgers women's basketball team on your achievement! And congratulations to David Evans, Reade Seligmann, and Collin Finnerty on being able to move on with your lives.

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