This is the part of the blog where I write about my day for those interested.

I told my wife I was off to implement my plan to kill Aquaman and that I'd be home by dinner. She told me not to bother returning if Aquaman wasn't dead and that we'd be having pork chops tonight.

The drive to Miami was uneventful as ever as I only had the flat, barren land of Florida to look at. Still, I could only assume Aquaman was following figuring -- quite rightly -- that I was up to something.

When I got to Miami, I took some evasive turns towards the docks. I only had to lose Aquaman for a short bit. Sure no one was following me, I parked near my destination. I took a small hot dog stand out of the back of my SUV and placed it on the designated spot at the end of the dock. Next to it I put a sign saying "Free Hot Dogs." Then I disappeared into a nearby building where I could watch the scene through a window.

I had a contact pass out fliers to fatties on the beach. Now I just had to wait for one to take the bait. The important thing was that there would be no connection between me and this victim.

Rosie O'Donnell came clomping down the dock. "Hot dogs!" she bellowed and charged the food. When she reached the hot dog stand, the dock broke beneath her and she plopped into the water. It didn't take long for her to notice the dorsal fins circling her. "Someone save me before Bush uses this as an excuse to have a war with Iran!"

I had another contact chum the waters here since I first came up with the plan. Now all that was left was Aquaman to attempt his usual impotent heroics.

He didn't disappoint.

"Don't panic!" he yelled as he ran for the water. "I'll get you out of there!"

"Bush is doing this to me because I know too much!" Rosie burbled.

"I highly doubt you know much of anything, so remain still." Aquaman jumped in the water.

I activated my device. It made no sound; only a little green LED indicated it was working (I didn't feel like spending the extra money for a blue one). Basically it just sent out garbage on a specific frequency.

A very specific frequency.

Fear slowly crept onto Aquaman's face as he realized that, for the first time in his life, the fish were not responding to him. The sharks kept closing in on him, and he was so shocked he didn't even seem to know what to do. He finally struck at one, but another came from behind. Finally, he went under water and a splotch of crimson bubbled to the surface.

Thus ends the story of Aquaman. All that's left now is to see how much I can get for a fish telepathy jammer on eBay.

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Rating: 2.3/5 (2 votes cast)

State of the Frank Report
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