This is the part of the blog where I write about my day for those interested.

I didn't feel I had time to celebrate the death of Aquaman with the monkey still living, so the weekend was spent designing a bullet apt for killing a monkey. The goal was for the bullet to fragment inside the monkey shredding its insides. The monkey would then vomit up its liquefied organs while I laugh and sip a martini.

As I was perfecting the round this morning and cleaning up the watermelons I was using as test subjects, the doorbell rang. "Someone is at the door for you!" SarahK shouted.

I hate having my genius interrupted. "Who?"

"Someone in a bat costume."

"Man or woman?"

"Man."

Batman! "I'm coming." There Batman stood at our entryway with his tiresome grim expression. "When did you start using the doorbell?"

"I've been getting in trouble lately for no-knock raids. We need to talk."

"I'm sure of it." I stared at him a moment. "I'm used to meeting you in a dark alleyway where you can be a bit intimidating. In full light, though, you just look ridiculous. Your accessory belt really does bring out the color in your blouse, though."

"That's uncalled for. I get enough people trying to imply I'm gay with the whole Robin thing, so I don't need..."

"I really don't need the story of your life," I interrupted. "What are you here for?"

"Aquaman has gone missing."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Did you try checking the ocean."

"This is serious! He was a founding member of the Justice League! Also, there is evidence of foul play."

But I covered my tracks! "What evidence?"

"A body was found floating in the harbor in Miami. From how bloated the corpse was, they thought he must have been dead for weeks. Then they realized it was Rosie O'Donnell and she's still alive."

"Is she talking?"

"Nothing sensible so far."

I grinned. "That's our Rosie. So, how long do you have to put up this pretense of an investigation?"

He was quiet a moment. "The others aren't going to let this go."

"And I don't care. I need you influence in getting the moon nuked."

"It will look suspicious to have another vote on that matter so soon after--"

I backhanded him. "Cowboy up, Batman, and nuke the moon! This is a matter of national security, and I don't need pathetic excuses!"

He glared at me. "Fine, but one of these days it's going to come down between you and me."

"Whatever. Just move your gay little car before the home owners association complains about it being parked on the street."

He stormed out and I slammed the door.

"Be careful if you fight him," SarahK warned. "He looks sneaky."

"I'm not scared of flying rodents or those who dress as them. I need to get back to working on my monkey killing bullet."

"Maybe you should forget about that and work on other things. It's just a monkey."

Just a monkey! I stared at her. Something was up. "What did you do?"

"I made a pie!" She took a pie out of the oven. It was apple and an obvious omen of bad things to come.

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State of the Frank Report
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