Weeds and crab grass know better than to germinate anywhere near Fred Thompson's lawn!

Now if we can just re-sod Fred’s head and give him some presidential hair.

Neo...fool! You shall join others who jest at such things as Fred Thompson casts you into the eternal Pit of Doom and declares you a punk-ass-bitch...

Burying all your dead enemies in your yard will do wonders for your lawn.

I'm sorry. Grinding all your enemies into a fine powder with your bare hands and spreading it as fertilizer over your yard does wonders for your lawn.

what if he takes offense at the grass looking at him funny and glares at it, with the laser beams he shoots out of his eyes?

I gotta go with GEBIV on this one. Nobody would actually throw $hit on Mr. Thompsons lawn.

After animals eat it, their vomit is as cleansing as a colonic irrigation.

You're welcome.

The grass is always greener on Fred Thompson's lawn. Always.

That's because that's where he buries the hippies. They're very good fertilizer as they aren't all covered in those harsh pollutants found in soap.