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June 04, 2007
I Should Be the Amanda Marcotte of the Fred Thompson Campaign
As the entry of Fred Thompson into the race looms over us like the Incredible Hulk's giant stone spaceship about ready to make impact with the earth (I've been reading too many comic books lately), I was thinking that he'll need a campaign blogger -- his own special envoy to the blogosphere. I don't know how campaigns choose such a person (apparently John Edwards just put every swear word into Google and picked the owner of the first site that came up), but it should obviously be me. No one has put more research into this candidate as my growing list of facts can attest. Also, many bloggers would be mindless sycophants to Fred Thompson and pretend he could do no wrong, but Fred Thompson can be assured that the only reason I am so enthusiastic about his candidacy is that my extremely critical eye has found nothing about him that isn't super awesome.
Still, I admit there are risks to the Fred Thompson campaign despite how super duper qualified and smart I am. I've written some controversial things in the past; it was all satire, so hopefully no one would be dumb enough to try and tar the Fred Thompson campaign with them. That said, I do have some real controversial viewpoints, and rather than letting his campaign get surprised later, I'm going to just go ahead and list every outside of the mainstream view I have: MY CONTROVERSIAL VIEWS * I'm against legal immigration but for illegal immigration. * I think America is the greatest nation on the earth other than Paraguay. * Know what I can't stand? People who don't adore telemarketers. * I'm against having a war for oil, but I'm all for a war for corn ethanol. * I think it's okay for kids to do drugs because they have more time for their brains to grow back. * I have no desire to convert to Islam, but I'm kinda curious to try sharia law. * I can't quite put my finger on why, but I really hate white people. * I think our gun laws are too strict in not allowing a convicted felon to carry a firearm and also believe our laws are too lenient in allowing non-felons to have them. * I say the coconut flavored jelly bean is the best jelly bean, and I would consider violence against anyone who disagrees. * I have this sneaking suspicion that absolutely everyone other than me is gay... and I'm okay with it. * I think that the third Godfather movie was so much better than the first two that it's not even funny. * I believe that children are our past. * I think Jesus's ideas were fine for back in His time, but they don't apply to us now because we're more used to sinning. * Terrorists hate us for our freedom -- and maybe they have a point. * I'm really more of a C.S.I. guy than a Law & Order one. Well, that's it. I assure you most people have even worse views but, unlike me, are too cowardly to admit to them. I should be awarded for my courage. Man, I hope I get the campaign blogger job. Then everyone will point at me and say, "Wow! That's that guy vaguely associated with Fred Thompson! I wish I were him!" Everyone wishes they were me. 23 Responses To "I Should Be the Amanda Marcotte of the Fred Thompson Campaign"
"I have no desire to convert to Islam, but I'm kinda curious to try sharia law." I LOVED that one! Happy Birthday Frank! Best of luck on the...well, bloggers don't go on the campaign trail, they pretty much just sit on their rear ends, which you can't do because you're so busy painting, so I guess it would have been better to just say Happy Birthday but I've already typed all this out and it would be a great waste of effort to just delete it back to Happy Birthday Frank! wouldn't it? At least I said Happy Birthday 3 times (now four). #2 - Posted by: P.J. on June 4, 2007 11:35 AMHappy Birthday Frank!! May you get lots of presents (and a phone call from Mr. Thompson). #3 - Posted by: jonag on June 4, 2007 12:11 PMHappy Birthday, Frank!! I'll be drinking a beer in honor of your birthday this evening. Maybe two beers. #4 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on June 4, 2007 12:33 PMFrank, I'm suprised you don't want to give our great illegal friends a condo downtown & a summer home in the Hamptons or Poconos, plus a couple hundred thousand in cash, you know, to get them started in their new lives in the land of milk & honey. After all the democ-rats have lots of money & need the votes to put Barako or Hillaryo in power. Happy Birthday! Many happy returns. #5 - Posted by: LV Vet on June 4, 2007 12:42 PMhey happy birthday! #6 - Posted by: Matty G on June 4, 2007 12:55 PMNo one deserves it more than you, Frank. #7 - Posted by: Writer on June 4, 2007 01:06 PMHey, happy birthday!!! I hope you get lots of comic books. #8 - Posted by: AlaskaNick on June 4, 2007 01:34 PMOOOO so it's yer birt-day huh, Frank? How many spankings does SarahK owe you?? Well, anyway congrats for making it around the sun for another year. * I'm against having a war for oil, but I'm all for a war for corn ethanol. * I say the coconut flavored jelly bean is the best jelly bean, and I would consider violence against anyone who disagrees. I guess those are better than the earwax flavored jelly beans...hold on, whaddaya mean they aren't real?
CENTO ANNI #10 - Posted by: goomba rudy on June 4, 2007 02:01 PMFirst, Happy Birthday FrankJ! Ok, enough sucking up! I know it would be super keen and all to be Fred Thompson’s official blogger, but the bigger question is why would Fred Thompson need a blogger? This idea seems to infer that Fred Thompson needs someone to “spin” things for him on the web…which is a way gay idea! Or would your job be simply to do dictation of what Fred Thompson says each day …kinda’ like a Fred Thompson Butt-Boy? “Hey, butt-boy, get me a cup of coffee since you aren’t doing anything useful since Fred Thompson doesn’t need your stupid comments on the internet to get elected”! “Hey butt-boy, we are going to Massachusets this weekend and Fred Thompson wishes you to court the homosexual vote…if you know what we mean”! I’m linking your idea more and more, Frank! Frank, you missed one of your controversial views: I say live and let live. And those that don't agree, I take out back and beat the crap of out them. #12 - Posted by: Humble Servant on June 4, 2007 02:12 PM* I say the coconut flavored jelly bean is the best jelly bean, and I would consider violence against anyone who disagrees. Happy Birthday!! #13 - Posted by: Laura on June 4, 2007 03:18 PMEveryone wishes they were me. You'd better not let Fred Thompson hear that, or you may not make it to your next birthday.... #14 - Posted by: Master Shake on June 4, 2007 03:31 PM>CENTO ANNI Centi di questi giorni, if anything. :-) Happy birthday, Frank! #15 - Posted by: Francesco Poli on June 4, 2007 04:30 PMI had better warn you, Frank about how Amanda Marcotte got the job. It involved a dwarf, a donkey, a pair of handcuffs, and a good set of kneepads. I don't know, Frank. We know you can type fairly well, but how are your deletion skills? Gotta keep them bases covered. Oh, and Happy Birthday. I'd sing it to you, but then I'd owe a royalty fee to AOL Time Warner. #17 - Posted by: AlanABQ on June 4, 2007 06:16 PMHappeeee birthday to Frank Whom sarahk gets to spank and if you don't get the job just go back to being the regular old slob whose days were spent stalkin' Michellllllllllllle Malkin #18 - Posted by: DohXs on June 4, 2007 08:07 PMI am in favor of murder but keeping the Clinton's alive is a must. If nothing to keep us laughing our heads off. there an opinion that is sure to raise eyebrows. #19 - Posted by: on June 4, 2007 10:03 PMEverybody knows that popcorn-flavored Jelly Belly is the best. They should all be popcorn-flavored. Happy the Birthday to you, Frank! #20 - Posted by: ochagirl on June 5, 2007 01:53 AM"I'm kinda curious to try sharia law" Heh. Frank's legally bi-curious. Happy Birthday anyway. Time to get drunk & double-post :-) #21 - Posted by: Harvey on June 5, 2007 08:21 AM"I'm kinda curious to try sharia law" Heh. Frank's legally bi-curious. Happy Birthday anyway. Time to get drunk & double-post :-) Posted by: Harvey on June 5, 2007 08:21 AM #22 - Posted by: on June 5, 2007 08:49 AMTo be Fred's blogger: Post a comment
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