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June 13, 2007
Who Hasn't Dreamed of Rolling Up a Newspaper and Hitting a Senator on the Head?
Posted by Frank J. at 11:37 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (16)
No! Bad Senate! Stay out of the amnesty!
The Senate is going to try and pass an amnesty bill again much like the dog is going to keep getting into the trash no matter how much you beat him the last time. That's no good. We have to get it in all the Senators' head that there is no touching amnesty until border security is taken care of. So what we need is someone in the Senate to smack the other Senators on the nose every time they stare at the trash bring up amnesty.

Now, I'm not familiar with Senate rules, but can someone make it his job to yell at the Senators anytime they stray from border security to amnesty?

SENATOR: We need to welcome our undocumented citizens and...

TRAINER: That doesn't sound like that's about border security. No amnesty crap until you handle border security.

SENATOR: Excuse me, but I'm a U.S. Senator, and immigrants...

TRAINER: You're still not talking about border security.

SENATOR: Hey, the...

TRAINER: I swear, the next words out of your mouth better be either "fence," "border patrol," or "land mines" or you're going to be spitting teeth!

He may need to physically strike some of the Senators, so he'll have to check the Senate rules on that. If whoever reads the rules says that's not allowed, he may have to physically strike that guy too.

I've always said politics could use more hitting.

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16 Responses To "Who Hasn't Dreamed of Rolling Up a Newspaper and Hitting a Senator on the Head?"

Heck yes with the rolled up newpaper!

Rolled up Newspaper = Vote 'em out of office!

#1 - Posted by: KeithP on June 13, 2007 11:51 AM

I'm opposed to hitting Senators and Congressmen with rolled-up newspapers. I am, however, in favor of hitting them as frequently and as hard as possible with Louisville Sluggers.

#2 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on June 13, 2007 11:54 AM

Bad Senator.
Pork is not good for you.
And stay off the carpets until you learn self-control.

#3 - Posted by: Writer on June 13, 2007 12:00 PM

YES! Vote them out of office just like in 2006! Great way to keep conservative principles in the legislature! Let's replace McCain and all those other hippies with a real liberal who has neither the freedom to think for himself nor anything in common with conservatives. I wish Soros lived in Arizona… we could put him in office and really show those “centrists” we mean business. Score one for the spiteful - very close to winning more misery. The consolation prize is that you get to whine and complain as much as you want though, so maybe it’s a wash.

Maybe the people supporting this bill see this as a necessary compromise to achieve both goals? It's easy not to compromise when you run a website, but that really isn't getting any laws passed, is it? So, they don’t do it in the precise order you want? Let me hand you a tissue…

#4 - Posted by: ClayB on June 13, 2007 12:22 PM

Guns are for defense. But these Senators are making me reconcider that position.

I think the second Amendment allows for the civilian revolt against tyrannical government. I'd hate to have to use that as my trial defense. Now it would be worth it if I could take out all those Senators first. Probably will not happen. I don't think a 9mm can hurt slime.

#5 - Posted by: TheHat on June 13, 2007 12:24 PM

Bring back the canes of the Sumner-Brooks incident!
Caning for all Senators!

#6 - Posted by: New fan on June 13, 2007 12:35 PM

I'm still undecieded. If we legalize them, will the hookers be cheaper?

#7 - Posted by: Ringmaster on June 13, 2007 12:42 PM

How about no amnesty at all?

Build a fence, electrify it, plant a mine field, and man it with armed National Guard troops every 100 yards with orders to shoot to kill any thing moving to the south.

Revise the "anchor-baby" provision to say that the mother must be a citizen before the baby can be. Cut off schooling, driving privileges, welfare benefits and free medical care for illegals.

Cut off money transfers to Mexico.

Institute stiff financial penalties for any business that is using illegal labor, and enforce it. Use this money for fence materials, electricity, mines and bullets for the National Guard.

After all this is in place, allow the needed workers to come into the country in a controlled manner and pay a very high tax rate for the privilege. Cut citizens taxes in proportion.

Allow citizenship to individuals who can speak English, stay out of trouble, join the military for a few years in the middle east and kill some terrorists for us. I think 10 confirmed terrorist kills is a good number to start with.

It's not that difficult folks.

#8 - Posted by: Dodsfall on June 13, 2007 01:25 PM

Is there anything dumber than a US Senator? What the hell would these pricks be doing if they weren't in the Senate...oh yea...they would either be selling used cars, stocks or they would be practicing law! These are the same pricks that were President of the Student Body in High School...and they got there by blowing the Principle not by being popular with the rest of us... Personally, I was the one that parents said "don't be like that guy"... Oh well...at least I'm not a dick Senator! I'm just a dick IT guy!

#9 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on June 13, 2007 03:06 PM

Only if the rolled up newspaper has a large lead bar in the middle. You'll never be able to rehabilitate them, you just replace them!!
Besides that you wouldn't want to smack any politician as SHIT SPLATTERS!

#10 - Posted by: on June 13, 2007 04:46 PM

Clay B,
Who needs to compromise? Simply enforce the existing laws. The RICO Act is a tool that has been overlooked. It is Organized Crime if the leaders are dictating the followers not to turn them in. Use it!
Cities refusing to turn them in?
RICO Act-Organized Crime against the Mayors and Civic Leaders.
Big Businesses refusing to turn them in?
RICO Act-Organized Crime against the Owners and Managers.
Once a few cities like L.A. have to replace their hierarchy a few times, they will wake up.

An unofficial note is that since it is Organized Crime, their representatives in court can also be charged for defending them. Anything that gets lawyers off the streets can't be all bad.

#11 - Posted by: Writer on June 13, 2007 04:50 PM

As long as we are going to treat them like dogs, I want to call the ASPCA to come out and have them all “fixed”!

#12 - Posted by: Writer on June 13, 2007 04:55 PM

I don't think hitting them with a rolled up newspaper will be all that effective. Most politicians already hate the news media.

To get the point across, they should be hit with a rolled up copy of this bill. Then they will whimper every time someboy approaches them with it, or even mentions it. And from what I hear, it's nice and thick too.

#13 - Posted by: Bob in Feenicks on June 13, 2007 05:15 PM

There's a joke here about butt-sniffing, but I'm not going to touch it.
Uh, maybe I should rephrase that....

#14 - Posted by: will.see on June 13, 2007 11:27 PM

Uh, ClayB, maybe that's for the best? I think the Senate -- the whole government, really -- is at its best when it's trying to "compromise", because it never gets anything done. That's probably best for the country, given the caliber of people doing the work. The less they do, the better off we are. If they can polarize every single issue so it comes down to requiring a 60/40 supermajority to accomplish anything, and nothing gets done, are we really worse off?

#15 - Posted by: James on June 14, 2007 10:53 AM

We need to put the Whip back into the eponymous role in the Legislature. That'll learn 'em.

#16 - Posted by: DesertElephant on June 19, 2007 02:17 PM
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